IMHO "Out of the Wild" (1.2): Alaska is kicking our butts!

Those folks over on Survivor: Tocantins have it so cushy compared to the Adventurers on The Discovery Channel's Out of the Wild: The Alaska Experiment. On Survivor, the longest hike is usually from each tribe's camp to wherever the challenge or Tribal Council is being held. Meanwhile, on last night's episode of Out of the Wild, the Adventurers hiked fourteen miles in two days. In the snow. Over a 4500 foot alpine pass. With no food.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Survivor a lot, but from where I sit OotW is a much more fascinating show in terms of seeing what folks are made of and what the wilderness is actually like. Last night's episode proved just that when two folks went home — but not necessarily the two I expected.

The episode also had stunning scenery (how many more exotic jungles and pristine beaches can Survivor dig up, anyway?), actual wildlife in the form of a huge grizzly the Adventurers came across while hunting (whereas in Survivor we get lots of shots of creepy bugs and slithering Jeff Probst snakes), but more than anything, OotW had more genuine drama than any of the manufactured scheming of Survivor. 

For all those reasons and more, I'm giving it an up arrow. But enough of what I think. Out of the Wild's resident gay boy, horse trainer and all-around cutie Jake Nodar (pictured, right), is giving us his insider's take week. Without further ado, here is...

Jake's Take!

***Warning: Spoilers***

So … Alaska is kicking our asses; two episodes down, and already one third of the group has been choppered out.

The episode began with that 14 mile hike, and only a few miles into it, we ran into our first problem of the day: Fred, who had been hiking directly behind me, slipped and set off his bear spray. I remember hearing an unfamiliar sound followed by Fred yelling “I got bug spray in my eye!”

I turned to see Fred completely consumed by a cloud of the spray. As serious as the situation was, I couldn’t help but think of Pigpen from the Peanuts, with his infamous ever-present stink cloud.

Fred was a trooper, and continued on, even with one eye swollen shut. As we trekked onward, I remember my lips and nostrils burning simply from walking behind him. I can’t imagine how badly that must have hurt.

As we began our ascent to 4500 feet, tension mounted between certain members of our group. Fred’s body was fighting a losing battle, and Joe was having an extremely hard time accepting that. Did Joe actually say “I came out here to push my limits, but instead I am finding myself pulling everyone else's.” Seriously?

Aside from the (unsuccessful, I might add) trap that he made to catch tightrope walking circus mice in episode one, he really didn’t do anything to “pull” any of us along. I wasn’t surprised that Fred pushed the button, although his sense of humor was greatly missed; however I was surprised to learn Joe would be joining him.

This just goes to show how surviving in the wild doesn't just take physical strength, but mental strength as well. Joe was at home in the outdoors … however, having to survive in the outdoors is entirely different, and working as part of a group was something he just wasn’t able to do.

We made camp midway through our hike. Kim and I decided to pass up on the group snuggle fest and built our own tarp shelter for some quality one on one spooning . I was the first one up that next morning (I’m not quite sure I ever went to sleep), and I remember looking out to the others' tent and seeing several inches of snow on the tarp.

Carolyn was very feverish that morning, and we were really worried we were going to lose her. She stuck it out and I was very glad that she did. After seven more miles of hiking that next day, we reached our next camp at Swimming Bear Lake.

Now six, the group really started to work together. It was a welcome change to actually hear the narrator say we were doing things right after the ninety seven mistakes he smugly pointed out that we had made during the first episode. The seriousness of the situation had set in, and we were going to do everything we could to make it out of the wild.

The cabin was really cozy! And by “cozy”, I mean “a sh*t box”.

However, after sleeping under a tarp, a hard roof was certainly not taken for granted. Did you see how excited we got when we arrived? If I rolled up to that mess on vacation, I would have flipped the freak out.

We made the most out of our humble abode and began making some repairs. The chimney scene was my favorite: I was holding the chimney from the inside as Dan worked on it from the roof. He said “You’re lucky I don’t put my corn hole on this and pass gas” followed by “could you hold it .... like a man?”

Just because Dan’s built like Arnold, and I more like Gisele, doesn’t make me any less strong!

Hunting soon became top priority. John, whose hunting experience was apparently limited to the tricks he learned while watching Wile E. Coyote try and catch the Roadrunner, successfully trapped our first ground squirrel. Later I went out and showed off my skills with the 410 shotgun, bagging another ground squirrel (mine, as with most things, was bigger).

I credit Nintendo’s Duck Hunt for the mad skills I have with the gun. Now field dressing the animal was a different story: when asked how I was going to field dress the little guy, I replied “I’m going to give him a beautiful one piece jumper, you know, something with autumn colors.” Thank God that didn’t make the cut!

After a few days of “R&R” at Swimming Bear Resort & Spa, we packed up and continued our journey toward civilization. Tune in next week to find out if I continue to make it one step closer to fitting into my skinny jeans.