IMHO "Survivor" 1802: "I think I'm smitten!"

What one word comes to mind about this episode of Survivor: Tonkatoys? Hmmm ... .oh, yeah! B-o-o-ring! The only thing saving it from a down arrow was a bromance in the works (more on that later) and the fact that the Brazilian heat has all the guys stripping down to their skivvies.

***WARNING*** Spoilers below!

We start off with the Jalapenos trudging back to camp after voting off Girl Gone Too Soon To Name last week. In infrared we witness Crazy Lady Sandy running around hugging and kissing everyone as she thanks them for not voting her shrieking self off instead. Given that the night camera makes it look like she's sporting a scary ass mustache, I'm thinking she'd be better off just shaking hands. 

On a side-note, I've always been creeped out by how everyone's eyes look in the nighttime shots on Survivor. Now they remind of the dead-eyed parents in Coraline. 

Next on Survivor: Zombie!

The next morning the Jalapenos are hungry and Joe suggests they eat termites for protein. Those Texans and their wacky cuisines! For now on Joe will be known as Termite Joe. 

Super Butch Twinkie (aka Spencer) earns the Super Butch part of his moniker by chowing down on a giant wriggling termite while the others look like they are about to lose their non-existent lunch. (That's one plus of starving on Survivor; nothing to upchuck if you get sick!)

With a little olive oil and arugula, it would be delicious!

Speaking of SBT, in all my free time I crafted this homage to him which I'll include in every recap in some fun new exotic locale! (And by all my free time, I mean Dennis' free time who actually put this together for me. Thanks, Dennis!)

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Super Butch Twinkie!

We then head over to the Timon tribe where Sierra Mist has decided to tell Brendan about the hidden immunity idol since he didn't vote to kick her off back on Day One. I would've decided to tell Brendan just because he looks so hot without his shirt on.

In case you didn't know it, Brendan actually made a mint back in Oregon by selling granola so from here on out he's Granola Boy. And unlike some other folks I'll get to in a minute, Granola Boy is smart enough to keep knowledge of his wealth to himself. After all, who wants to give some rich dude a million dollars? Unless we're talking a federal bail-out of course.

Will I look this adorable if I eat his granola?

In their quest for the idol, Sierra Mist and Granola Boy dig a giant pit on the beach and in hte process are discovered by Debra aka Blonde #1 (Sydney is Blonde #2) and Sierra Mist shows she's no dummy by immediately claiming they are digging a firepit for a bonfire that night. Apparently, Blonde #1 thinks she's on The Real World: Tonkatoys because she buys it hook, line and sinker and is all "Par-tay!"

Alas, not all of the Timons are that excited about it. Cranky Candace is especially insistent it's a dumb idea which is followed by her and Renaissance Man getting pissy with each other about how to cook rice. All we needed was Tom Colicchio from Top Chef to pop up and settle the dispute for them by giving them each a disgusted look and asking if they are sure they really want to be there. 

Later, Renaissance Man "apologizes" to Candace by taking her hand as if romancing her followed by a lick of her ear. Hmm, I bet this guy is just great on blind dates. Sign him up for the Bachelor, stat!

Back on the Jalapeno side of things, Super Butch Twinkie continues polishing his Super Butch creds by not only knowing that Taj, now christened Taj Mahal because she is one dominating, fierce lady, is married to former NFL player Eddie George, but is genuinely excited about it. 

But I'm thinking Taj is none too bright for revealing this info. Again, who wants to give a wealthy person a million dollars? Hello!

We finally cut to this episode's only challenge which is one of those involving each tribe trying to rip off the clothes of the other while the CBS censors wield their magic blurring wands. No doubt the fellow responsible for last season's Marcus peek-a-boo is now editing some Siberian reality show for The Pravda Network.

We cut to Spencer cheering on his teammates and looking much more butch than Termite Joe.

The lengths straight boys go to get close!

Super Butch Twinkie isn't much of a factor, but the Jalapenos win and score themselves immunity and some fishing gear followed by lots of Hoyay hugs among themselves.

Granola Boy is sent to Exile Island and takes Taj Mahal, but only GB gets a clue to the immunity idol. But Taj is smart enough to tag along while he hunts for it offering "assistance". Unfortunately, she isn't smart enough to keep her trap shut when she realized the idol is actually back at camp. At least she and GB form an alliance for down the road.

Granola Boy further impresses me when he gets back to his camp and pretends that he didn't get the clue, just Taj Mahal. Sneaky...

We move to the camp of the victorious Jalapenos who are attempting to catch fish with their new equipment. Or at least JT is with City Boy and City Boy actually interviews he is surprised at how well he is getting along with JT who is from the south. City Boy refers to himself as an angsty city boy (of course, I have to change his nickname!) and JT as Tom Sawyer and says, "Tom Sawyer might just be seducing me with his pretty country ways, but I'm smitten." And I finally have a nickname for JT! Phew!

And isn't it cute when straight boys fall in friendship with each other!

Tom Sawyer + Angsty City Boy = Survivor Bromance!

We then go back to the Timon side of things with lots of tedious scheming involving Renaissance Man and Cranky Candace trying to outmaneuver each other. It's too early in the game for me to know these folks and really care much at this point. Frankly, I'm tempted to fast forward to Ugly Betty which is going to turn out to be a great episode!

We finally get to Tribal Council where the most interesting thing is when Renaissance Mans swears he has 100% faith that Granola Boy was telling the truth about not getting an immunity idol clue. Ha! Can't wait to see him blindsided.

Oh, and surprisingly exactly no one, Cranky Candace goes home. Yawn.

Next week's previews include a scene of what looks like corn being poured over the survivors and I immediately flash to Jennifer Beals in Flashdance.