"Survivor" (18.04) recaplet: "Did he really just say 'oonga boonga'?"

Crazy Lady Sandy

***SPOILER ALERT***
This recap reveals who was eliminated in Thursday night's episode of Survivor.

The problem with these early episodes of Survivor is that they are much like those first hands of strip poker you used to play in college. Yes, you've got to rid of those parkas, shoes and socks before things get interesting, but it doesn't make for very riveting viewing. And in the case of Survivor, you've first got to get rid of the cluelessly bossy people, the old people and the crazy people. Or in Crazy Lady Sandy's case, the crazy, bossy, and clueless old people.

The episode opens with the Timonians trudging back to camp in the dark after voting out Military Dude. I wonder if we might not actually see Renaissance Man's head explode because, you know, he's all but a god descended from Olympus and he's being forced to exist with these mere mortals. 

Alas, his cranium remains intact, but as he "leads" the others in the dark, I suddenly have a vision of RM as Reverend Jim Jones. Fortunately, no one else except perhaps Naked Mormon Dude is drinking RM's kool-aid, but clearly he's guzzling it by the gallon. 

As they walk, Renaissance Man, suddenly fancying himself a poet and says, "It's a dark sultry, sulky night."

Something is sulky all right as RM later interviews his feelings about Evil Erinn having said during tribal council that Granola Boy is a better leader:

She said Brendan is a better leader, but she doesn't know what she is talking about. It pissed me off. It made me realize she's got to go because she's the cancer of the tribe.

What I can't figure out is how RM manages to stay upright carrying around that much ego. 

BTW, over on the Survivor episode highlights page, I discovered this clip of Renaissance Man instructing Evil Erinn to put a black feather in his headband because he likes to look like an Indian and is proud of that part of his family. All I can say is that for the sake of Native Americans everywhere, I hope  he's making up that heritage up because I sure wouldn't want to claim him!

My, my — someone is certainly a bossy bottom, aren't they? BTW, wasn't it just last week that RM was going on about how he couldn't get within two feet of Evil Erinn without becoming violently ill because he was so pure and she was practically a toxic waste dump?

Anyway, the Timonians decide they'd better officially anoint a leader lest actual warfare break out between RM and everyone else. RM says while he would love to be leader, that he'd be a good leader, and that he's used to being leader, he agrees they all trust Granola Boy right now to be leader, so he will graciously gives his official seal of approval to GB as leader. He also says that if something should happen to GB, he'll be right there to take over. 

Um, I'd watch your back, Granola Boy. Maybe Naked Mormon Dude should taste your beans first. 

And was I the only who noticed how cute GB looked wearing his buff at such a rakish angle?

Naked Mormon Dude later says he paid no attention during the leader pow-wow, but this confuses me as last week I thought he insisted he was RM's second-in-command/henchman? 

Renaissance Man later interviews that he really should be the leader, but he doesn't want to vote Granola Boy out yet because "I want iron that sharpens iron."

Um, okay, RM. He then blathers on about:

These people here are new kids on the block. What they've been doing is not succeeding, not thriving, but existing. We need to thrive in the wild. Not just exist. And the difference is that I have been here. They haven't.

Well, at least it is nice to know that no matter how boring the episode, M will give me lots of quotes to laugh at.

Meanwhile, over at the Jalapenos, everyone is concerned over how Taj Mahal is doing having been to Exile Island a zillion times. Super Butch Twinkie interviews that they are all concerned about the toll EI is taking on Taj with no water, no food, and no one to trust over there. Ha!

Later Taj Mahal fills Angsty City Boy in on the alliance she has with Granola Boy and Sierra Mist. ACB looks like a kid in a candy store and later interviews that he can't believe he stumbled ass backwards into such a great alliance.

Isn't he adorkable?

We then go to the reward challenge and the first thing I'm struck by is that I think Jeff Probst looks a lot like Remy, the possibly gay rat.

Separated at birth?

The challenge itself is one we've seen before and involves three tribemembers having to support increasing amounts of weight on poles resting on their shoulders. Will it come as any surprise that the Jalapenos win again? 

BTW, I can't help myself, but I'm totally crushing on Granola Boy. He was such a stud during the reward challenge!

Actually, I'm torn between Angsty City Boy and Granola Boy as to which I find cuter. And now I'm curious which Survivor other folks have the hots for so here is a quick poll!

Despite Granola Boy's being such a stud, the Timonians lose again, meaning the Jalapenos get to raid the Timonian camp. Taj Mahal and Sierra Mist ahead off to exile and Granola Boy interviews that he never got around to telling SM about his secret alliance with Taj/Angsty City Boy. Smooth move, GB!

Fortunately, SM is bright and gets on board the secret alliance right away.

Meanwhile, Termite Joe and Tom Sawyer raid the camp where everyone is fake huggy friendly. Naked Mormon Dude interviews that  it "feels weird to have these guys come in to camp. In the back of my mind, I want to punch these guys in the head."

Why does the word psycho keep coming to mind every time he opens his mouth?

In what you might call foreshadowing, Crazy Lady Sandy criticizes the Tom Sawyer and Termite Joe for not cleaning out the Timonians of all their food, then goes on about farting beans and rags on Blonde #1 (Sydney, in case you've forgotten) for using her feminine wiles to woo the guys. Meanwhile Blonde #1 interviews that CLS is driving everyone crazy, especially by saying everything three times — and she's right. I'm 10,000 miles away and I want to throttle her.

Things sort of start to blur together at this point. Suddenly Naked Mormon Dude shows up nearly naked sporting a loincloth and doing an "oonga boonga dance" that frankly strikes me as a little culturally insensitive. 

Why couldn't this by Granola Boy?

I think we all just threw up a little...

Evil Erinn then whines/cries about not being able to make any connections with her tribe because she just went through a big breakup. So she came on Survivor as therapy? It's only episode four and these folks are already turning into half-naked weepy sticks walking around with dazed expressions.

Cut to NMD who interviews that he's written Erinn off and is really looking forward to voting her off because he really wants to see "a freak out." Why do I suddenly have an image of him pulling the wings off of butterflies.  And what might he do if he were the one blindsided?

We cut to the immunity challenge (which looks like an elaborate version of Wheel of Fortune) and by some miracle the Timonians actually win! Hmm, Granola Boy is officially their leader and they succeed at something. Coincidence? Or did Renaissance Man really once tell everyone what to do with his eyes?

The Jalapenos trudge off to tribal council for the foregone execution of Crazy Lady Sandy, but Probst first rubs CLS' face in the fact that she is a wrinkled up hag that no one likes while Blonde #1 is hot, hot, hot! Nice, Jeff!

Crazy Lady Sandy loses the vote and goes home. Surprise!

Much like her youth thirty years earlier, Sandy's torch is snuffed out of existence

Super Butch Twinkie again hardly appeared at all and it's hard not to wonder if this means he isn't going to have much of an impact overall as the show isn't highlighting him. And he certainly doesn't appear to be central to anyone's alliance at this point. I hope I'm wrong because I'd like to see him have some impact!

I promised each week I'd provide a picture of Super Butch Twinkie and I forgot to do it last week. My bad. So here is this week's SBT picture! Did you know SBT rows in college? He does and here is a shot of him in action!

See you next week!