IMHO "Survivor" 1801: I'm too sexy for my clothes

Last night CBS launched their latest round of Survivor which from here on out I'll refer to as Survivor: Tonkatoys as I refuse to try to remember how to spell the name of whatever hellish place in Brazil the show is set.  Ditto for the team names which I hereby dub team Jalapeno (christened thus thanks to Crazy Lady Sandy) and team Timon, named after the Disney character.

The big question in this episode was just how butch would Team Gay member Spencer (now known as Butch Twinkie) turn out to be? After all, he made some pretty huge promises as to how he wouldn't be like none of those nelly queens such as Todd Herzog and Charlie Herschel who according to BT apparently pranced and lisped their way through previous Survivors.

In fact, on last night's episode Butch Twinkie turned out to be so butch that I'm almost certain that at this very moment his hog is parked outside a honky-tonk in New Jersey while he's inside quaffing beers and belching. Thus far it doesn't appear Butch Twinkie is out to anyone. Of course, when he does comes out, they'll probably refuse to believe he's gay anyway. 

Okay, I'll (mostly) lay off Butch Twinkie as he's only 19 years old, and who didn't say stupid stuff when we were 19?

As for the episode itself, it started off with a fun twist wherein two folks were immediately voted off their respective tribes before they so much as got to stick a knife in someone's back during tribal council. Fifty-three-old Crazy Lady was voted off of the Jalapenos and she was hopping mad, ripping her former teammates a new one. Meanwhile, Timon voted off some wispy blond gal heretofore referred to as Sierra Mist because she was quiet and wan-looking. Turns out she had strep throat. 

Crazy Lady, Naked Mormon, Sierra Mist

It also turned out that Sierra Mist and Crazy Lady weren't actually voted out of the game; instead the "journey" they didn't have to make was the four hour hike through hell to their respective camps. Instead, they got to fly to camp via helicopter, a twist to which Crazy Lady responded by practically saying "Kiss my grits!" while making the loser symbol with her thumb and pinky finger and sticking her tongue out at her new teammates. Good strategy, Crazy Lady!

It wasn't actually a shock when Crazy Lady and Sierra Mist got to camp and learned they had an opportunity to either set up camp for their sure-to-be-exhausted tribemates before they arrived or to hunt for an Immunity Idol. Sierra Mist set up camp, scoring big points with her fellow Timonians while Crazy Lady hilariously wandered around the beach trying to figure out what a "pace" was and babbling about how she'd show those young 'uns a thing or two. Frankly, I'm expecting her to pull off a mask revealing she is actually Joaquin Phoenix in disguise. 

Other interesting castaways include Tyson, now known as Naked Mormon as he wasted little time in stripping off his clothes and running around naked ala Richard Hatch, only much cuter. There is also Benjamin, aka Renaissance Man, who babbled about philosophy and challenging himself. I fully expect him to "go native" and turn up missing one night, having run off to live in the Amazonian jungle. 

City Boy, Military Dude, Renaissance Man

I'd also keep an eye Jerry, now christened Military Dude, as he recently finished serving overseas and seems to know his survival stuff. But my favorite thus far is probably Stephen who described himself as a New York Jew Boy and was worried what the more rough-and-tumble good ol' boys would think of a city boy like him. I have so been there and I'm not even Jewish. No doubt, Butch Twinkie is thrilled to have someone so less manly around than he. 

Speaking of Butch Twinkie, he sucked at the final part of the first challenge, helping cause his team to lose. The Jalapenos proceeded to vote off someone who apparently had never watched a single episode of Survivor, so therefore didn't know that after old people, the second most likely group of folks to get axed are bossy loudmouths.

Tune in next week when Survivor: Tonkatoys presents some new shocking unimaginable twist that will blow our minds!