Modeling for Dummies, or How I Learned to Accept Psuedo-Celebrity Status and Rock the Runway

Yours, truly and Viva Hollywood's Jainmy Martinez

Considering that my two-episode stint on a VH1 reality show (I Want to Work for Diddy) leaves me at least ten huge notches from reaching the Z-list, I was pretty shocked when I was approached about modeling in the AM/NY Reality Runway fashion show here in New York City. 

I mean, seriously?  Me, a model?  Being the pessimist that I am, my mind could only think of the potential disasters at hand.  What if nobody knows who I am?  What if I fall?  Also, and most importantly:  what if the clothes are ugly? 

Confused about what answer to give, I approached one of my closest friends for advice.  When I saw that she could barely contain her laughter, my mission was clear:  I was going to rock the runway, and just maybe I'd be plucked directly off of the runway by a powerful modeling agent and this would be just the break I needed to jumpstart my career in international high-fashion modeling.

Or maybe not. 

Real World: Key West castmember Paula "Walnuts" Meronek gets a fitting backstage

As the day approached, I was nervous, excited, and a little dumbfounded that I qualified as a celebrity.  To me, celebrities have always been at least people who have done something besides submit themselves to the judgment of others on national TV, but then again we live in a world where tons of people are famous for absolutely nothing, so far be it for me to exclude myself from addition to that list.

America's Next Top Model vet Shandi Sullivan rocks the DJ Booth

The event was held at a trendy club on the trendy Lower East Side of New York, an area I generally avoid like the zombie-like hipsters that frequent it avoid smiling. After taking my decidedly z-list transportation of the M103 New York City bus to the location, I began what would end up being about two hours of waiting for my fitting. 

I started to panic.  What if I fell?  What if I froze?  What if, dear God, the clothes are ugly?  (Yes, again.) As all of these different scenarios ran through my mind, I tried frantically to recall every piece of modeling info that I've learned from cycles 1-238 of America's Next Top Model:  Smile with your eyes!  Back straight!  Don't stomp!  OK, so this wasn't exactly the Dior show at Bryant Park, but if I was going to have a chance of getting discovered by a major agent and starting my new life as an international high-fashion model, I needed all the help I could get...

Myself (again) and The Bachelor's Marshana Ritchie

Just as I was starting to calm down, other participants began to trickle in.  They were a veritable Who's Who of "hey, don't I know you from somewhere?" reality stars, and was actually a little dumbfounded by the fact that I was standing in a room with people that I've watched on TV for years. 

I saw Heidi from The Apprentice (whom I immediately commended for at least being able to meet the mogul associated with her show), Jainmy Martinez from VH1’s Viva Hollywood (whom, in a true meta moment, I realized that I had watched get eliminated from her show on the eve of filming mine), and my personal fave:  Tailor Made of I Love New York 2, who ended up being a nice, super gay-friendly guy that even shared a drink with my boyfriend and I at the end of the night.

Me, Jainmy, and Glam God's Indashio

It was finally time for me to get fit for my clothes, and I was introduced to the celebrity designer for the night, a spitfire of ambiguous sexuality named Indashio from VH1’s Glam God with Vivica A. Fox. Having never watched his show, I didn’t really know who he was, but thankfully he immediately endeared himself to me by informing me that his show was better than mine.  While I think that comparing these shows to each other is a bit akin to comparing different strains of the flu, I was still a bit taken aback by his statement. Summoning self control that would make Ghandi proud, I resisted the urge to turn our first meeting into some battle of the VH1 Celebreality stars and politely kept to myself my knowledge that I Want to Work for Diddy beat Glam God in premiere show ratings by a 4 to 1 ratio.

I mean, not that it matters or anything.

While my show did better than his I must assume that there is some sort of edge that he should be given for having actually met the celebrity attached to his. VH1 Celebreality pseudo-feuds aside, it was time to get down to work.

Sadly, the best view available of my little runway journey

Let me get something straight:  I’m not the most fashionable guy in the world.  I mean, I have a good sense of what looks good on me and I know how to match colors, but “high fashion” and “couture” are two words that I don’t use very often. 

The shirt they put me in was definitely high fashion: a tight black collared shirt with a shiny, fiery dark red design down the left half.  Definitely something that you don’t wear to Sunday brunch, and something that I was going to have to get used to.  Besides, if the fashion (or Glam) Gods want me to rock this, who am I to judge? 

After a few glasses of champagne with my fellow reality runway participants, I was ready to rock the runway.  Here’s the thing that nobody tells you about the runway:  its pitch black.  I mean dark.  Although I could see nothing but flashing lights, I gave my best Tyson Beckford and worked it down the runway. 

I’m happy to report that there was no falling and that I even popped the collar and did a twist when I got to the end of the runway.  Unfortunately, what I was not prepared for was the "date" auction of the evening, and that was when the whole gay thing came into play.  Did they know?  Would anyone bid?  This is the part of the evening where it's great to have supportive friends, as my #1 gal pal and my boyfriend thankfully outbid each other, with my boyfriend getting the spoils and buying me for a grand total of $160 that went to charity.  I'm sure there's a rentboy joke in here somewhere, but I'll leave that for you all to contribute... 

Afterwards, as I posed for pictures with friends and reaped the benefits of the open bar, I found myself a little shocked at exactly what just happened.  I mean, no matter what happens in my life, there’s still a part of me that will always be that chunky little gay boy from Akron, Ohio, and there is something very cool about the fact that I’d just gotten to model clothes at an event and walk down a real red carpet. 

I’m not entirely sure where this reality-show journey is going to take me or what’s going to come from it, but I came to New York because I believe it’s a place where anything can happen to anybody.  I’m sure stranger things have happened than a formerly-fat gay kid from Ohio getting picked to walk a red carpet and model in a runway show, but they just haven’t happened to me.

Yet.