A new study links TV and depression. These shows don't help.

Posted by

on February 4, 2009

A new study suggests that the amount of time teenagers watch TV increases their risk of becoming depressed as adults:

"The programs and ads teens watched may have made them feel inadequate and worthless, or they could have stirred feelings of anxiety and fear, all of which contribute to depression, researchers said."

A-Ha! Well, that explains why watching these seven shows have left me the admittedly hot mess I am today. It's all their fault!

Little House on the Prairie

Why it belongs here: Every week some God-awful tragedy happened to that poor family, and left me in fear of my own safety. Whether it was refusing to play in our backyard for fear of abandoned wells, or screaming "Pa! Pa! I can't see! I'm going blind!" if I woke up in the middle of the night, this show traumatized me and has left me a nervous wreck.

Jeopardy

Why it belongs here: Because it's mocked me and made me feel stupid with categories like "Famous Protozoa" and "Presidential Skin Conditions" instead of more fair categories like "Snicks Favorite Porn" and "Taco Bell Menu".

The Dog Whisperer

Why it belongs here: Because it doesn't work! After seeing Cesar Milan work his magic on unruly dogs, I tried it on my terrier. As he was tearing up another couch trying to hide his bone, I affected a latin accent, walked up to him, and snapped my fingers in his face while shouting "SHH!".

The doctor said I should get the stitches out in about two weeks.

Boy Meets Boy

Why it should be here: Because that twist was bullsh*t, it was bullsh*t, James! And for the first time in my life, I realized that reality shows were sometimes ... manipulative. It was like they shot Santa right in front of me.

Lost

Why it belongs here: I was totally engrossed in this show, until the third season, when I had to take a five minute bathroom break during one episode.

It took me six months to figure out what the hell I had missed.

Pushing Daisies

Why it belongs here: Because I knew this original show was just too quirky and whimsical to succeed, and I was right. Meanwhile, According to Jim is coming back for a ninth season.

The Hills