Academy Awards producers are threatening "surprises" this year. Uh-Oh...

Hugh Jackman, Bill Condon

Be afraid. Be very afraid. Academy president Sid Ganis has announced that this year's show will be "truly different":

Teasingly withholding actual specifics, Ganis on Monday warned that "it's going to be a show that takes some risks." Speaking directly to the actors, he warned, "Your categories are being presented in a completely different way. Heads up."

Turning to the entire room full of 112 nominees gathered at the Beverly Hilton's International Ballroom, he added, "Cinematographers, editors, composers. All of you guys. You're in for a big surprise."

This is not good. The Oscars have never done "different" well (remember the hideous "Oscars-in-the-round" debacle from a few years ago?). But if they insist, we have a few "different" suggestions for show host Hugh Jackman and out producer Bill Condon to mull over ...

Viva Kodak Theater! - Every presenter is required to sing the names of the nominees. Fortunately, this idea will be canceled before the first commercial.

Thunderdome! - Five nominees enter ... one winner leaves. Surprise winner in the Best Actor category: Richard Jenkins! As for the women, Angelina Jolie will have the upper hand with a series of bodyslams and high kicks, but watch out for Meryl Streep and her homemade shank!

Surprise appearances! - Look for shocking guest stars this year, such as Snow White making her first Oscar showing in twenty years. Word on the street is she's looking for "that Rob guy" who destroyed her career.

In Memoriam: Mickey Rourke's Face

And finally....

Hot Streakers!