"Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List" (4.03) recaplet: Will the Gay-O-Meter Survive?

The third episode of the fourth season of Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List premiered on Bravo last night, and because it promised so much gay content, we decided to haul out the rarely used Gay-O-Meter to scientifically assess the gayness.

We start with Kathy and Team Griffin (Tom, Jessica, and Tiffany) discussing their upcoming flight to Australia. Not just any flight, BTW, but the all gay Pink Flight, where Kathy is scheduled to perform ... over the P.A. system. The fact that there will be drag queens on the flight doesn't sit well with Jessica, who has an irrational fear of them: "They're big and tall and clown-like, and I'm afraid they're going to touch me when I'm sleeping".

As soon as I heard that, one word sprang to mind - Maury. This would make a perfect topic for one of his "phobia" shows (which are even more entertaining then the constant baby-daddy shows). Some poor woman would come on his show to talk about her all consuming fear of cheese, only to be tormented on stage by a Maury staffer wielding a tray of Kraft Slices, and if she made the mistake of running backstage ... a guy dressed up as a cheese wheel.

Tom (who has quickly become my favorite Griffin team member), chimes in with this loveable schlub classic:

Tom: "Can I hope that someone touches me when I'm sleeping?

Kathy: "Tom, how many times do I have to tell you, you're not hot enough for them!

Tom: "....But I've been working out."

Kathy: (exasperated) "Meeting adjourned"

Before the Pink Flight takes off, there's a party at the terminal, which involves the entire crew, including the pilots. All of them are wearing feather boas and go-go dancing (don't tell, but that's how Air Force One prepares, too). Once the flight starts, Team Griffin passes out the official My Life on the D-List Condom to all the passengers, and Kathy prepares for her first stand-up gig aboard an airplane (or as she calls it "Chaos at 30,000 feet").

Kathy takes tickets at the gate. No, seriously.

Unfortunately, the logistics of using an airplane P.A. phone to perform stand-up leave a lot to be desired, so Kathy decides to entertain the passengers the old fashioned way - by sitting on laps, performing certain faux sex acts on cute sleeping passengers. The next morning she flings breakfast foods around the cabin with a surly attitude just like a real flight attendant.

Before the Pink Flight ends, the passengers hold a "bare chest" contest, and Kathy proves again why she's a gay's best friend by whipping off her shirt and joining in. After fourteen hours, the Pink Flight finally ends, and I have to admit to being a bit disappointed that Kathy went all that way without making a single "cockpit" joke.

Find out what happened in Australia, and if the Gay-O-Meter explodes, after the break!

In Australia, Kathy hatches a plan to get publicity by announcing an upcoming fake rehab stint for something called "Tall Poppy Syndrome", and while she's appearing on a morning talk show, is surprised with a taped message from Backstreet Boy Nick Carter (who's almost 30, and still acts like a 15 year old suburban white boy trying to sound black).

After recording some hilarious promos for the Australian showing of D-List (in which Tom proves to have excellent unintended comic timing), Kathy meets up with out former boy bander Lance Bass, and everyone visits the Sydney Zoo (where Kathy makes some inappropriate comments about the animals, like "How much is the koala?" and "Is it gay?").

Anthony Callea, Tim Campbell, and someone we don't know

Next up is a trip to the venue for Kathy's first Aussie stand-up gig, and she's nervous about not being able to connect with the gays in Oz, so she frantically searches for Australian gays from which to gain insight. She runs into out actor Tim Campbell and his boyfriend, the Australian Idol runner-up Anthony Callea (Thanks to Brian for informing me about Tim and Anthony ... you've out-gayed me, Barrowman!). They may be big shots in Australia, but Kathy questions their gay commitment when they admit to not having seen the new Paula Abdul music video.

Kathy performs her stand-up to a packed Aussie crowd, and makes some hilarious jokes about Nicole Kidman and her frozen face, which the Sydney gays absolutely love. Afterwards, she meets up with Carson Kressley, and the two of them meet the Oz Goddess herself, Olivia Newton John.

Is it just me, or did the Gay-O-Meter just start humming loudly?

Carson and Kathy sit down with Olivia (who still looks fab, BTW) and immediately get off on the wrong foot (with me, at least) by misquoting the lyrics to "Physical" (seriously, how the hell do you not know it's "Let me hear your body talk?"). Kathy makes highly inappropriate remarks about Richard Gere and a wallabee, and about Olivia's unitard and a yeast infection. The she mortifies me personally by saying the words "c**k features" to Olivia.

Let me reiterate ... Kathy Griffin said "c**k features" to Olivia Newton John.

Kathy meets up with Margaret Cho, and the two of them meet up with Cyndi Lauper. Together, they...

Wait a minute...did you just hear that grinding noise?

As I was saying, Kathy Griffin meets up with Margaret Cho and Cyndi Lauper, and...

There's that grinding noise again ... what could it be?

Um ... the three icons discuss giving back to the gay community, and Margaret announces that she's the "Chief Of Parades", and they take turns trying on gay parade garb.

Do you smell smoke?

The long awaited Gay Mardi Gras gets underway, and it puts American parades to shame. In the thick of it is Kathy, and even though a reporter calls her "Kathy Grissim", and then "Kathy Griffith", she doesn't let it faze her. She's still our Kathy, and she's the belle of the gay ball.

That's it for this episode, which may have been the gayest thing seen on tv since the Paul Lynde Halloween Special.

Paul Lynde Halloween Special? ... Uh-Oh.

R.I.P. GAY-O-METER