"Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List" (4.05) recaplet: The Bear Whisperer

On the latest episode of My Life on the D-List, our favorite diva Kathy Griffin enters the gay forest, and like Goldilocks's demented red-headed stepsister, breaks in and ransacks the home of the bears ... and they'll never be the same.

First, though, she breaks the news to Team Griffin (Tom, Tiffany, Jessica) that they'll be teaching a class called "How to be a Celebrity Assistant" at ... The Learning Annex.

True story* - years ago, I signed up for a class called "An Evening with Stacey Q", and was bitterly disappointed when all she wanted to talk about was Buddhism. She wouldn't even discuss "Two of Hearts", and got visibly agitated when I asked her about her role as Cinnamon on The Facts of Life.

Anyway, as Team Griffin prepare for their Learning Annex gig, Kathy visits her mother, who has grown uncomfortably close with Patrick, one of Kathy's "main gays". Kathy explains that she and Patrick will be attending the International Bear Roundup and she even has a copy of Bear's Life magazine (not to be confused with Twink's Life or Power Bottom's Life).

Back to Team Griffin, who are visited by Team Wozniack, which consists of one perky girl named Julie who is like that girl in high school who had a plastic smile for everyone, and was on the pep squad, and class treasurer, and volunteered at the daycare center of the church every Sunday, but years later you found out was secretly banging the entire varsity football team.

They head to The Learning Annex, and the class is going well (even though about twenty people showed up), when Kathy and Steve come in and start asking inappropriate questions. The night ends with conversations about lost pantyliners and pulled eyebrows. Um ... how much did this class cost?

Kathy is soon visited by one of her main Emmy rivals, Cesar Milan from The Dog Whisperer, whose accent sometimes rivals Shear Genius's Rene Fris for awesome incomprehensibility. Kathy wagers her Emmy that Cesar will not be able to get her dogs Chance and Pom Pom on the treadmill, and it turns out that Cesar's method is a little more productive tha Kathy's "Do it, or you won't eat for a week, Pom-Pom!" (but don't worry, Kathy says she'll give up her Emmy when they pry it from her cold, dead hands.)

* - may not have actually happened

After the break, it's Da Bears!

The rest of the show is all about bears, and it's classic Kathy. First up is a photoshoot for the Bear's Life pride issue, about which she notes, "It's not often that you pose with a model who is completely greased up, hairy, and musky. Let's face it, the bear photoshoot was not exactly Miley in front of Annie Leibovitz."

Next is a trip to the "bear maul", where various bear paraphernalia is sold (and which doesn't even phase Steve, who seems oblivious to it all), and then we come to my favorite part of the episode ... the dancing bear.

I love a man in uniform, and this dancing bear mascot is one the cutest things I've ever seen. Even more so backstage, when Kathy talks to the man behind the bear's head, who is named Lou, and his exuberance meeting Kathy is sweet and infectious.

Kathy performs her act on stage for the bears while Teams Griffin and Wozniack sell the merchandise, but there's trouble after the show when Steve is accused of using his bear sex appeal to sell t-shirts.

Obviously, they're just jealous they're not big & hairy. You can see a deleted scene below, of Kathy learning the proper bear massage techniques.

Next week, it's a visit to Mexico to open ... the Kathy Griffin School.