Liveblogging "As The World Turns": Escape From New York!

As you can tell from the un-photoshopped poster, Brian Juergens will not be handling today's liveblog, though he is here in spirit. He called me, breathless, and told me he found out that Luke, Noah, Ameera, and Capt. Pervy were going to be in New York City, and that he was "on the case". He then said something about an "Encyclopedia Brown detective kit", and he wouldn't rest until he found them. Two young gay men, a Middle Eastern immigrant, and a psychopath...in New York City? Good luck, Brian!

Seriously, Brian needed a break after working his butt off the last few weeks, so...here I am. Unfortunately, I don't have Brian's mutant abilities of "photoshop" or "quick wit", so please bear with me, as this is my first liveblog.

So click through the break and join me in Nuke's Big Adventure, and be sure to refresh often for updates!

PREVIEW TIME They don't show any Nuke, but we do get to see Parker perving for his cousin (what, is he an honorary Walker brother?)

2:50 Holden tells Quaker Oats Lady to mind her own business, and let him ruin his family his own way. In a shockingly precise demonstration of GAYDAR, Luke suddenly appears behind Noah, who apparently has been standing in front of those same red doors for hours waiting for...something..to happen. Noah is upset that Luke has put himself in danger, but Luke says that whatever happens, they'll face it together, and they walk off into N.Y.C. together. meanwhile...Ameera is still playing possum.

2:45 EDT Dammit Janet is this close from getting a job at the diner when Vienna finds out that she's "that" Janet, and coldly dismisses her. Brad convinces Henry (who is sporting a band-aid on his upper lip) to re-hire Janet, so I may not have been too far off when I said I smelled a triangle coming up. Nu Lily tells the kids to start packing up, and Holden rushes off to confront the Quaker Oats Lady about ruining their lives.

2:40 EDT Luke tells Noah that Coyle wasn't any help, and he should just come home. Pervy calls someone on the phone, and it's revealed to be Coyle, who Pervy tells "If you've got the papers, I've got the girl". Coyle says "I'll give you the papers when our business deal goes off without a hitch", and then asks why Pervy didn't tell him that Noah was in N.Y.C. Pervy insists he didn't know that Noah was in town, and assures Coyle that everything will work out (Meanwhile, Ameera is pulling the old "I'm pretending to be unconscious" bit, and overhears everything).

2:25 EDT Luke meets with Coyle, who basically tells him it was a waste of time to meet with him. Pervy and Ameera are sitting on a bed on what is the dingiest looking set I've ever seen, and Pervy gives her a cup of "special tea". Literally, ten seconds later, she's knocked out , which means his "Acme Fast Acting Knockout Drops" worked. Fake Nu Lily informs Holden that she's fed up and is taking the kids and moving "back home" (could we possibly get a chance to see the "other" Snyder house, which has been unoccupied so long, it's probably infested with badgers).

2:15 EDT Noah calls back, and asks Luke to call "that guy from the state department" to find out if he knows why Pervy took Ameera. Noah is great at this 'detective" thing. He's standing in front of two giant red doors, hoping his red shirt will make him blend in, like a gay chameleon. Henry and Vienna are back!, and Henry is promising to get Vienna help for the diner. I smell a triangle!

2:05 EDT Fake Lily is trying way too hard to be the perfect mom and wife (and to me, she'll always be Big's first ex-wife on Sex and the City). Luke gets a call from Noah, who breaks the news that he's in N.Y.C. Luke is upset that Noah didn't tell him before he left, and basically says "Don't you know when you keep me out of these things, it un-stripes my shirts? is that what you want?". Diet Juno is having breakfast with the Blonde Obstacle and Austin From Days (Is it just me, or are they making him shirtless in EVERY scene?), when she drops the bomp that she wants to move in with them.

1:55 EDT Is this thing on? Okay...we're on our way.

1:50 EDT Testing...Testing...