Liveblogging "As The World Turns" Luke S: Portrait of a Teenage Relapser

I know that you're probably thinking "where the hell is Brian?" Well, the details are sketchy, but from what I gather he was called away for an emergency flea dip for a couple of Were-Cats (I think they could probably do with some neutering too ... but that's not for me to decide).

Anyway, I'll be covering the liveblog today, which should be interesting considering I really only pay attention during the Nuke scenes ... and the shirtless Butters scenes ... and the shirtless AustinFromDays scenes. Oh, and the QuakerOatsLady and Lucinda scenes (because they're fabulous).

Join us after break for the latest developments ... rumor has it that Noah learns that Luke has been hitting the bottle again. Will he reach him before Luke gets sloshed? Let's hope not!

PREVIEW TIME Drunk Luke runs out of the screen door screaming at Noah "Dammit Noah, you can't walk out on me!" I...LOVE...DRUNK...LUKE! Seriously, Van Hansis looks like he's having a grand ole time with this. I know I am!

2:55PM EDT Carjack are arguing about the hearing tomorrow, and he warns her that if she goes through with it...the gloves are off!

2:50PM EDT Lucinda comes out of the surgery and groggily asks Wheatables to marry her! And he accepts!

Oh, yes...this is the scene I've been waiting for...Butters tries to keep Luke from drinking, and Luke slugs him in the face! The bartender kicks the three of them out, and Luke tells Butters "you're a bigger screw up then I am" and then looks at Ali and says "So are you...porn queen". He than caps it off with "my life sucks, and I don't need you two losers trying to fix it!" YES! Butters calls Noah and tells him that Luke is in trouble and needs him.

2:45PM EDT Lily and Holden are worried about Luke, the last time Lucinda had surgery, Luke was drinking, and they're afraid the same thing is happening.

Butters is disappointed that he and Ali won't be "friends with bennies", but decides that friends is good enough...for now. He invites her to play pool, and as they enter the bar see Luke at a table, drowning his sorrows. They confront him and he slurs "I'm just having a little fun..gotta problem with that?" Yes! This is getting good!

2:35PM EDT Butters comes on to Ali, who is shocked, but who didn't see this coming?

Noah says he's not there for Luke, he came to give flowers to Lucinda. He gives Luke the brush-off, and gives the flowers to Wheatables to give to her. Luke is heartbroken, and says "ill be back" and rushes off. Hide the rubbing alcohol!

2:30PM EDT The family gathers around as Lucinda is about to go in for surgery, and Wheatables gives her a gift..of tango lessons. At least it's not dirty dancing. Noah enters the hospital with flowers for Lucinda and runs into...Luke.

Demon Seed is about to tell the truth to Jack when Dammit comes up and says that Carly is on to them. They try to make a break when Carly shows up and gives them the Carliest look I've ever seen.

2:20PM EDT Wheatables lays a guilt trip on Luke about Lucinda going in for cancer surgery, and mentions Luke's "brand new kidney". Did i go to the bathroom and miss Luke having major surgery?

Jack tries to convince Demon Seed to tell the truth, while Carly barges in on Dammit and calls both her and her daughter sluts. hot!

2:10PM EDT Butters! What a wonderful way to start the show. He's skateboarding in the house when Allison drops by read him the riot act. He needs to find a job, and Ali recommends Craigslist. Yeah, Butters, put an ad in Craigslist that says "will do anything for $10 an hour". Can I come along?

Wheatables drops by looking for Luke, who's obviously been on a bender (the bad kind). He tells him that Luke looks like slept in the barn, but I think he looks great bleary-eyed and hungover.

Carjack are playing tug-of-war with Demon Seed. Pull harder!