Liveblogging "As The World Turns" : Tact is for Chumps!

So Luke wants to teach Reid manners. It's the blonde leading the bastard! It's "Pyggaylion!" Will Luke end up singing "I've grown accustomed to his (gay) face?"

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2:05PM EST: Kim is worried about Barbara's disappearance, and Bob suggests that a woman can get jealous easily when she becomes a dried up old husk ... "oh but Kim, I didn't mean you!"

Reid causes another nurse to run away crying. There must be a support group by now (N.A.S.T.R.O. - Nurses And Staff Traumatized by Reid Oliver). Luke sees it and calls him on it, but Reid dismisses the whole incident. Chris walks over to berate Reid about something, but Reid dismisses it. He should get a bonus for every eyeroll. Chris leaves and Reid smiles ... always startling (like seeing your parents having sex), and asks Luke for coffee. Like agress, because he wants to teach Reid some people skills. Yeah, we'll wait here for ya.

2:15PM EST: Parker (who's looking more and more like a lesbian folk singer) and Faith are talking about "doing it," which is more than Luke and Reid get to do.

Chris is furious that Reid has been offered the Chief-of-Staff job, and complains that Reid has the "personality of a rabid porcupine." As opposed to you, Chris, who is so devoid of personality, a string of hot actors can't bring you to life.

Luke takes Reid to task for telling Chris about the job offer. He then tells Reid to follow him to his place. When Reid says "why," I swear to Gaga I thought Luke said "we're gonna commence sex" but after rewinding and listening again, he says "Bring your stethoscope." Rats!

2:30PM EST: Luke and Reid are playing "Hot Nurse and Stern Doctor". Actually, this is hilarious. Luke is pretending to be a nurse and trying to teach Reid hospital etiquette, but Reid starts sexually harassing him. Reid says "it's better than yelling, right?" This is cute, and hot.

Ugh! This Faith/Parker pairing is making me ill. Unfortunately, Carly and Jack walk through the forest at the most inopportune time.

2:40PM EST: Now Luke is a hospital orderly, and says "It's a nice day, isn't it Dr. Oliver?" and Reid responds with his usual "Yeah, it's a nice frickin' day." Luke says "hey, I got about fifty more of these things, you know." Reid startles him by proclaiming "I'm not Noah. I'm not warm and fuzzy. I don't squint, and I don't take out my blindness on those who don't deserve it." Luke says "I don't want you to be Noah." They try again, and this time Reid is able to carry on a convo with the "orderly". Reid asks him if he wants to get some dinner, and Luke says "yes, right after you pass your final."

2:50PM EST: Luke drags Reid back to the hospital to try out his newfound "people skills." He walks up to Nurse Gretchen and attempts that smile, which reminds me of the scene in Addams Family Values where Christina Ricci's Wednesday is forced to smile at summer camp. It's just wrong and unnatural.

Nurse Gretchen is terrified, and must feel like a rat in a python cage. Reid says "it's turned out to be a nice day, isn't it", all the while looking to Luke for coaching. Nurse Gretchen asks "what have I done wrong this time?" and Reid responds "Nothing! As far as I know. But giving your track record, it's entirely possible you've committed some kind of catastrophic blunder since I've been gone." Nurse Gretchen runs away, leaving a bewildered Reid to wonder what went wrong. Luke consoles him, saying "you're very lucky I like despite yourself."

And I just realized who Luke and Reid really are ... Waylon Smithers and Mr. Burns.

Preview Time: Maybe in the half hour of screentime they have left, Luke and Reid can actually have a quickie.