Liveblogging "One Life to Live": Write your own caption

Don't mess with Oliver Fish! After his squadroom freakout and Ross's manhandling, is it any wonder that Oliver got fed up and tazed the hell out of Ross? He was having a very.bad.day.

What are the ramifications? Will Oliver have a lot of paperwork to do? If we plug a toaster into Ross's ... outlet ... can we make Pop-Tarts?

Join us for the fun, and refresh for updates!

* AE was down for a bit for this afternoon, which explains the late Liveblog start. Now on with the show!

2:05PM EST: Delphina is back! (and still looking like Ann Wilson's doppelganger). Don't look at me like that, I LOVE Ann Wilson.

Ha! Ross is writhing on the floor when Blair and Dorian ask Oliver "how could you do that?". He says "I had no choice". Ross struggles to stand up and says "It'll take more than a tazer shot to keep me down!", and he tries to run again, Oliver says "then how about two?", and tazers him again!

2:10PM EST: Oliver handcuffs Ross as he mumbles his words. Blair asks him if he's okay, and he says "my brain is a little scrambled, but that just means you and I are on the same wave length". Aww.

DVTM and Amelia burst into the hospital demanding to see Dorian. DVTM says "I am her ex-husband", and Amelia counters with "I am her future wife".

2:20PM EST: TBTD and Jack have a really nice scene together. Jack doesn't want her to leave, and I don't blame him. When I was a young future 'mo, I would have adored her and her big bag of drama.

DVTM and Amelia fight over who's trying to elbow who out of Dorian's life, and Amelia calls him "straight man" , which is code for "bitch".

2:30PM EST: Oliver brings Ross back to the squadroom, where he's now not taking any guff from the sleazy lawyer. You go, Oliver!

I hate to say this, but I want to fast-forward through the Rex,GiGi,Sky,Kim stuff.

Oliver Fish, desk jockey

2:40 PM EST: Jack tells TBTD that Ross tried to steal her briefcase, and he (and the briefcase) were taken away by the police.

Ross and TSL are trying to hatch a plan to get inside the briefcase, when Oliver begins his questioning.

Amelia and DVTM enter Blair's room, and when Blair finds out that Amelia is Dorian's fiance, she wants an explanation. Dorian decides to tell her the truth, but as she tries to explain, in walks Viki (who heard about Dorian's change of orientation, and is a bit dubious).

2:45PM EST: Dorian hem and haws about "coming out" to Blair, then takes her leave as Viki and Blair chat about what happened, and why there's "something big" that Blair can't remember.

TBTD shows up at the squadroom to claim her briefcase, and manages yet another dig at Oliver for not knowing that Ross's real name is "Rayburn". She tells him to look up the name, and he'll see a host of outstanding charges against Ross, including "kidnapping". TSL says "oh, you want to talk about kidnapping, do you?", as TBTD grimaces.

2:55PM EST: Viki is perpetually on the verge of busting out laughing everytime she sees Dorian and DVTM

Ross tells TSL (whose name is Eli) that he can't bring up anything about the kid. TBTD demands her briefcase back, and decides to drop the theft charges in order to get it. It's the first time the word "magnanimous" has scared the crap out of me. Ross tells TSL Eli (in full earshot of Oliver) that ne needs to get the briefcase for TBTD "any way possible". After Oliver hauls Ross away, TSL Eli runs off toward TBTD.

Preview Time: Not sure, but we'll cover all of the gay happening ion Llanview.