Liveblogging "One Life To Live": Llanview's finest

With his parents eating mayonnaise sandwiches and praying for his wicked soul hundreds of miles away, Oliver can get back to work, as one of Llanview's decorated Police Cops.

He and McBain are trying to crack a new case, while competing to see who's voice is the most growly.

Join us for the fun, and refresh for updates!

2:05 PM EST: David is moving back in with Dorian. I predict bloodshed.

That adorable tyke Jack is getting ready for the wedding. Viki enters and says "who's this handsome fellow?" Jack looks around and then does his best Travis Bickle "you talking to me?" Viki tells him he looks "awesomely" handsome (don't ever do that again, Viki). Jack says "I only agreed to wear this in exchange for tricked out rims ... that will go on the sports car my dad is buying me when i'm 16".

OMG ... someone rings a bell, prompting Natalie to enter the mansion living room, and we see Brody and Jared giggling next to each other on the couch, with their joysticks in their hands. They complain about running out of beer. I'm sure we all know what happens when straight guys drink SIX BEERS. Quick, get them some more!

Oliver enters McBain's office, and says "there's something I need to talk to you about". McBain says "hold on, we're off duty" and he pulls a bottle of Jack Daniel's out of his desk. Careful John ... the last time Oliver got drunk, Staci ended up preggers!

2:15 PM EST: EWWW! David's plan is to sleep with Viki? No wonder Dorian smacks the hell out of him.

Umm ... anyone notice that Brody and Jared have XBOX controllers but there's no XBOX anywhere?

Oliver fumbles for words, and says "I broke up with Layla .. but ... um, It's not going to affect anything here. Well, that's pretty much it". McBain smiles and says "you know, if there's anything you need to talk about, I'm here". Oliver says "I've always thought of you as a mentor, and a friend. I thought this would be easier by now". John lets him off the hook and says "Just spit it out. Whatever it is, I probably already know". Oliver says "so you know I'm gay?"

2:25 PM EST: Oliver says "how long have you known? Could you just ... tell, or did someone tell you?" John says "Marty and I ran into your dad, and I think he thought I already knew". Oliver is wondering if John had anything to do with the tiny sort-of change of heart that his parents had.

Poor Jack is up-in-arms. Not only does he have to give a speech about his dad, but he has to say something nice about Tea. He comes up with "she's cool, she likes pro-wrestling ... and she wears black panties".

2:35PM EST: T.B.T.D and Blair have it out, and as Tea leaves, Blair manages to string out "BITCH" to about ten syllables.

Cris and Layla are trying to decide if it's a "date" if they attend the wedding. Cris says "oh, no. It'll be like you going out with Oliver". Layla says "except you're not gay". Cris says "I might as well be".

Okay, this XBOX thing is really getting to me. Where the hell is it?

John and Oliver talk about his parents some more, and John says "you ready to help me with this new case? I call it the THE CASE OF THE INVISIBLE XBOX".

2:45 PM EST: Actually, it's the Jessica stalking case, and John has his eyes set squarely on Jared. Oliver gets the prelim, and it turns out that they still haven't pulled any gobbledygook something something tech police stuff off Jared's clothes from the night of the attack. They both agree that it's "weird".

2:50 PM EST: David has the funniest line of the episode when he suggests Dorian's campaign slogan should be "Finally, a Lord you can believe in".

John says "this police report makes no sense". Apparently, whoever grabbed Jared from behind didn't leave any kind of fibers or DNA. Oliver asks if John has a theory, and he says "it's too early for a theory about him, or anyone else".

Blair says "i'm going to drive a stake through the heart of this wedding, and I'm going to do it now!"

Preview Time: Will Oliver help crack the case? Will Blair take down TBTD? Will Kyle and Nick show up? And what about the XBOX?