Liveblogging "The Young & The Restless": Virgin Territory

Well, it's virgin territory for me, as I've ... never watched the show. Actually, that's not true. I did watch a few episodes back in the 80's to see Michael Damian, but looking at the list of current cast members, I'm crushed to discover that he's no longer on the show.

There are many actors I recognize, of course, and I'm familiar with their roles. I know that Eric Braeden is the show's patriarchal star, and that Jeanne Cooper once famously had a face-lift on-air. Melody Thomas Scott plays Nikki, but nothing could surpass her role as "fish bait" in the classic Piranha.

Hopefully we'll get to see out actors Thom Bierdz and Clementine Ford, but of course, we're really here to witness what happens between Rafe (Yani Gellman) and Adam (Michael Muhney).

To find out what happens, follow along below, refreshing often for breaking updates (and please be patient with me ... it's my first time).

12:25 PM EDT: I'll have you know I'm missing Wimbledon coverage to do this, so I hope my sacrifice is worth it. I want to see snogging!

12:32PM EDT: Okay, we start with Victor and Ashley talking about "fingerprints on a box". Suddenly the voice of God intones "THE ROLE OF ADAM WILL NOW BE PLAYED BY MICHAEL MUHNEY." Adam comes in, says a line, and makes a quick exit.

12:40PM EDT: Fish Bait says "Adam got off way too easy for what he tried to do to Victor", and after the credits (which feature the actors names!) , Rafe (whose hair would make Rod Blagojevich jealous) is talking to a kid about becoming an "emancipated minor" (is his girlfriend named Liberty?). Turns out the kid's dad is hottie Joshua Morrow (whom I haven't seen since his boyband heydays with Eddie Cibrian).

12:45PM EDT: OH ... MY ... GOD. A slinky brunette is stroking a stuffed cat when Peter Bergmann comes in. She goes all Zsa Zsa on Carson and says "would you like to pet my pussy"? Okay, she doesn't say that, but this would have become my all-time favorite show if she had.

12:50PM EDT: Adam announces he's going blind, which elicits a "no duh" from Heather, but he goes on to say that he was a candidate for an "experimental procedure" to stop it, but he can't go through with it because while he was in prison he was jumped by inmates who ... shoved needles in his eyes?! WTF? He blames his father for letting him "rot in that hell-hole", only to bring him home and accuse him of "gaslighting" Ashley. Now this is soap opera!

1:00PM EDT: Fish Bait is talking to Estella, when Ashley comes in and accuses Estella of "trying to drive me insane and make me believe that Sabrina is haunting me". Whoa! Meanwhile, Adam is telling heather (who apparently is his girlfriend) that everything will be okay, and they passionately kiss. NOT THE SNOGGING I WAS HOPING FOR, SHOW! * I see from the comments that Adam is lying about being attacked by inmates, and the blindness is his own fault because he ... injected Botox into them! That's even better than the inmate story.

1:05PM EDT: Adam and Heather are enjoying some snuggling under those Magic Hollywood Sheets that cover the chest of the actress but not the actor, and vow to "always be together", when we cut to the courthouse and Rafe ranting at Ashley about how Estella is innocent. He actually says "see you in court!" which immediately earns him my undying love.

1:15PM EDT: After bedding, then sending Jack off, Mary Jane again has a conversation with her stuffed cat. Please tell me she's a regular cast member! Rafe is representing Estella in court, and after she's granted bail, Ashley warns her to stay the hell away. We cut to Victor talking on the phone at the mansion, while Adam tries to sneak up and listen to the conversation. Victor tells the mysterious caller "meet me in the garden at the ranch", which causes Adam's eyes to narrow.

1:20PM EDT: The mysterious caller is ... Mary Jane (sans cat). They meet "in the garden at the ranch", and he accuses her of stabbing him in the back. Fish Bait tells Rafe that she thinks Adam is really the guilty party, and she asks "do you really think it's not possible that Adam would gaslight Ashley to serve his own purposes?". Rafe bites his lip and looks away.

1:25PM EDT: Victor tells Mary Jane "Did you viciously mutilate the statue of my former wife? I brought you here for one reason ... you keep your eye on Jack Abbott". Adam's eyes widen as he listens behind the bushes.

Preview Time: Adam holds Rafe's face as he says "I have feelings ... don't you"?

Come back tomorrow to find out if Rafe ... has feelings.