Scraping the barrel, too: Eight gay celluloid disasters

From Hustler White

Will Truman to the newly out-of-the-closet Barry:

""Let me tell you a little secret that we try to keep within the community: Gay movies suck. But until the laws change, we're still obligated to go see 'em."

That quote speaks volumes about the attitude many people have (and yes, I'm aware of the irony of a character from Will & Grace talking about gay entertainment that sucks), but maybe we should cut gay filmmakers some slack.

It must be difficult coming up with the just the right balance of nuanced performances, storyline originality, and soft core porn. Of course, I exaggerate — there are plenty of gay movies that have managed to overcome the burden of being a "gay film" (and please head on over to the AfterElton.com Greatest Gay Movies Poll to cast your vote for your favorites).

But this post is about those movies that didn't succeed. Whether through bad acting, poor production values, lousy scripting, or general ineptitude, these gay filmmakers weren't able to translate their visions successfully to the screen.

Like the last Scraping The Barrel post, these selections are mine, and do not necessarily represent the views and opinions of anyone else at AfterElton.com. So feel free to tell me I'm nuts (I'm looking at you, Copycat fans), and please leave your own selections for the worst of the worst.

Here are eight, in no particular order — and for this list, we'll be using the Anita Bryant scale (with five Anitas being the worst).

Hustler White
I know many people who absolutely adore Hustler White, but once was enough for me. Actually, the movies of Bruce La Bruce have always left me cold. (I picture him waking up in the morning, yawning, and saying "I'm bored ... I think I'll make a movie today.")

There are some bright spots to this tale of a male prostitute (namely Tony Ward and his ... talent), but I'll never forgive Mr. La Bruce for permanently searing that image of the Stump Guy in my mind (trust me, you don't want to know).

Rating:

Lie Down with Dogs
Note to filmmakers: It's probably not a good idea to include the word "dogs" in your film title, as it provides ample opportunity for snarky bloggers to use groan-inducing puns to describe your movie:

"Lie Down With Dogs is a flea-bitten mongrel, and it should be neutered before it reproduces."

"Watching it, I felt like it had slowly lifted its leg on my brain."

"There were more laughs in Cujo, and more sex appeal in Devil Dog: Hound From Hell."

Rating:

See more gay debacles after the break.

Slutty Summer
Okay, so what I did expect with a movie called Slutty Summer? Something bawdy or at least sexy, but the incompetence in this production was shocking. Casper Andreas wrote, directed, and starred in the film, and he really needed to pick one and concentrate on it.

This was one of the strangest acting performances I've ever seen. He seemed to have trouble remembering the lines (that HE had written!), and it appeared like some scenes started out scripted, but when he couldn't remember what to say, he ad-libbed (to the confusion of his co-stars).

Rating:

The Doom Generation
Another film that has a loyal (and vocal) fan base, The Doom Generation soured me on Greg Araki until he released Mysterious Skin.

I loathe this movie. It's so self-conscious about its "hipness" that I wanted to smack it in its smug face. I felt the same way about Pulp Fiction, but at least that movie had a few scenes that worked.

The Doom Generation did have Jonathan Schaech, but not even he was enough to save it for me.

Rating:

Frisk
When it was announced that a film version of Dennis Cooper's novel Frisk was going to be made, I wondered if they'd be able to successfully adapt the nuances of the brutal book.

Unfortunately, they captured the brutality, but left out the nuances. What director Todd Verow ended up with was just a nasty, cruel neo-snuff film.

Rating:

Boy Culture
A movie about a gay hooker. We've never seen THAT before.

For some reason, this movie by Q. Allan Brocka was a big hit at film festivals and has gained a loyal following. But frankly, I'm tired of movies about young, superficial gay men and their shallow pursuits.

Now, when they make a movie about older, superficial gay men and their shallow pursuits, I'm there!

Rating:

Ben & Arthur
I had no intention of seeing Ben & Arthur. Nothing about this drama/thriller/gayissuespalooza appealed to me, until I learned that it was #1 on the IMDB Bottom 100, meaning it was voted by members of IMDB as the worst film of all time! (For a comparison, Who's Your Caddy is at #10, and The Hottie and the Nottie is at #13.).

Well, I knew I had to see it immediately, and I was not disappointed. This thing makes Glitter look watchable and I Know Who Killed me seem credible. You can see the NSFW trailer for director Sam Mraovich's history-making film HERE.

Rating:

The Collected Works of Dave DeCoteau
I feel a little guilty about including David DeCoteau because, frankly, I love his films. But there's no denying that they are truly terrible.

The undisputed king of "boxer briefs" cinema, David is responsible for such campy guilty pleasures as Leeches, The Brotherhood series, Beastly Boyz, and my personal favorite, the hilarious Voodoo Academy.

David just signed a deal to make ten more films for the Here channel, so we can look forward to more awkward dialogue and pause-worthy V.P.L.'s in the near future.

No rating (his films reside on their own plane of existence)

You can see a pivotal scene from Voodoo Academy below (featuring a very young Drew Fuller), and please, give us your own picks for the barrel scrapings.