"Step It Up and Dance" (1.01): I vow no Nomi Malone references in this recaplet.

Step It Up And Dance premiered on Bravo last night, with 12 contestants, lots of tears, and a fabulous-looking Elizabeth Berkley serving as host. Let's take a quick look at how the four openly gay dancers fared.

First Impression: I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so, so ... scared!

Dammit! Okay, in my own defense, that was not a Nomi Malone reference ... it was a Jesse Spano reference! But I promise, no more!

First up, we have Miguel Zarate.

First Impression: Tim Burton crossed with Jellybean Benetiz (which reminds me, what the hell ever happened to Elisa Fiorillo?)

The 24 year old Miguel is definitely the front runner, not only among the four out dancers, but the entire competition. At the first competition on the show, the other dancers immediately tag him as the man to beat, and he projects an air of invincibility, with a whiff of obnoxiousness. He's not afraid to state his opinion about the other dancers (about Michael, another gay contestant, he says simply "he's not good. I've seen him at other auditions, and he's just not good". MEOW!). He quickly becomes a BFF with another gay dancer, James, and he calls the two of them "the mean girls ... the plastics".

Outcome: Miguel sails through the first show. the only hitch for him was when guest judge Nancy O'Meara told him he needed to "butch it up" in the future. "I don't care if you like boys, girls, giraffes, or monkeys, i just need you to man it up a little more". He asks "did i look like a fag on stage", and she responds simply "yeah, a little bit". (at which point guest Spice Girl Mel B. looks horrified).

Prediction: The eventual champion

See how the three other gay dancers fared after the break!

Next is 25 year old Michael Silas

First Impression: A dead ringer for Parole Officer Perez in the Latino Fan Club series of ... art films.

Michael is my favorite of all the dancers. I know what you're thinking, but it's not because of the tattoos, or muscles, or his smoldering hotness. And it's not because he professed his love for Showgirls a certain dance movie and he was the first one to ask Elizabeth to do the Nomi Malone hand flick a certain dance move. I simply think he's the best dancer. There is already some animosity between him and Miguel (some history, maybe?), and he seems to get along a lot better with the girls than the other guys.

Outcome: So-So. He was in the background for most of the show, and in fact, when it came time to assess all of the dancers, he actually had to chime up and say "um ... can i ask for a note, please. i haven't been addressed". Guest judge Jaime King told him, "I've got a note for you. You're a good dancer, but i need you to be great. I need you to stand out more". Obviously, this King person is jealous. I doubt he would look as freaking hot in a red skull cap and wife beater.

Prediction: Hopefully, he'll last a few more rounds, but i don't see him winning.

Next is 23 year old James Alsop

First Impression: Two Snaps Up!

The second guy to beat, behind Miguel. Loud and in your face, he's a perfect BFF for Miguel. He's also a great, exuberant dancer, and has an interesting look (he looks like the gay doppleganger of the lead singer of Fishbone).

Outcome: Excellent. He ended the night as one of the top two dancers, and almost won the "immunity challenge" for next week's show.

Prediction: Could very well win the whole thing. Definitely a finalist. It'll be interesting to see how his relationship with Miguel changes the further in the competition they both get. I predict lots of eye-rolls and "bitch" under-the-breath mutterings.

Finally, we have Oscar Campisi

The 31 year old (and his slow eye roll when he says "31" is hilarious) has a background in ballet, which might not suit this competition. He's got the cutest italian accent, though, so i think that should trump any of this "dancing" stuff.

Outcome: A disaster, from start to finish. The first night out, the contestants go to a club (which actually turns out to be the first competition), and Oscar ends up dancing, shirtless, and grinding on the floor with one of the female dancers. "Okay, i did take my shirt off ... Europeans are more of a free mind" he explains, until he realizes that the entire spectacle was witnessed by judge Jaime King, at which time he laments "OH ... MY ... GOD ... please tell me I did not take my shirt off!". It get worse from there. Oscar is the only one of the four gay dancers to end up in the "elimination group", and has to dance for his life at the end of the show. He ends up in the bottom three for the week, along with two female dancers. Fortunately, he is spared this week, and jazz dancer Adriana Falcon is the first to be eliminated (after the injured go-go-girl leaves on her own shimmy-shaking accord, of course).

Prediction: Enjoy him while you can. His days are numbered.

That's it for the first episode. Unfortunately, it was all set-up this week, so we didn't get to learn much about the dancers. Hopefully, that'll change in the coming weeks, and we'll get lots of backstage bitchiness and maybe even a Turning Point slapfight or two.