The fever dream that is Eurovision wraps up with cheers, tears, and fears

Eurovision winner Alexander Rybak gets bent out of shape (All Pics: Getty)

How did this happen? How has the Eurovision song contest slipped past my radar every year? I own the greatest musical extravaganzas that Hollywood has ever given us. I have the complete Pink Lady & Jeff series, I own The Apple and The Pirate Movie and Xanadu. And I was the first on my block to sign the petition to get Peter Bogdanovich's misunderstood masterpiece, the Cybill Shepherd/Burt Reynolds musical At Long Last Love on DVD (alas, to no avail.)

And yet somehow I've missed Eurovision. I knew what it was, of course. I knew it gave us ABBA, and it was held every year ... but that's about it. But all that's changed after this year's contest (which unfortunately was marred by host country Russia's violent reaction to peaceful protests, which cast a pall over what should have been something fun and frivolous.)

The winner of this year's contest is adorable Norwegian hobbit Alexander Rybak, who played violin and sang, and completely stole my heart. His song Fairytale began with the lyrics "Years ago when I was younger, I kinda liked a girl I knew", and the performance featured burly acrobatic dancers and blond lasses in flowing gowns. It's my new favorite song.

But the contest losers weren't too shabby, either, and featured at least one confirmed out singer ...

Out singer Oscar Loya with Dita Von Teese

Out American singer Oscar Loya teamed up with German composer Alex Christensen as Alex Swings, Oscar Sings to compete for Germany in the contest. Their entry Miss Kiss Kiss Bang finished in 20th place (out of 25 acts), and well, let's just say I prefer the Norwegian hobbit.

Svetlana Loboda, attacked by Thunderdome hood ornaments

The award for hot mess probably has go to Ukraine performer Svetlana Loboda, who sang something called Be My Valentine. She's allegedly singing in English, but the only words I could decipher were "valentine" and possibly "my sexy bum". She came in 12th place.

What were your favorites?