"True Blood" (1.01) recaplet: Fangbanged

The long awaited series premiere of the vampire drama True Blood aired on HBO last night, and if you read our review and interview with out creator Alan Ball, you knew what to expect: lots of sex and violence infused with that certain "Ball"-siness that we've grown to love.

I have to admit to being a bit wary of watching another HBO series. The last one I watched was the disappointing Tell Me You Love Me, which was billed as near-porn, but sadly was mostly talk (except for the love scenes with Jane Alexander and David Selby, because explicit septuagenarian sex is HOT!).

Anyway ... speaking of David Selby, he starred in the greatest TV vampire series ever, Dark Shadows, but there hasn't really been that much competition. There was the long running syndicated series Forever Knight, but Canadian vampires are just too polite to be menacing. There were short lived series like Kindred: The Embrace, and Dracula: The Series, and my personal favorite, a little seen series from the very early 80's called The Curse of Dracula.

It was originally part of an NBC show called Cliffhangers (which also featured a show called Stop Susan Williams! starring the fabulous Susan Anton) and starred the hottest vampire in history, Michael Nouri.

My point ... is that vampires haven't had a lot of quality representation on TV. I know what you're thinking, "But what about Buffy and Angel?"

Yes, I'm well aware of those shows, and I stand by my assertion (feel free to flame me to your heart's content).

So the question is, can True Blood make us forget Blade: The Series? Let's hope so.

Stephen Moyer as Bill Compton

True Blood opens with a cute young couple in a car barreling down a lonely Louisiana road. The girl is driving, and to keep herself (and us) entertained, she decides to wake up her sleeping boyfriend by "checking his pockets for change for the toll booth." Hey, I just came up with a new euphemism! Before she can finish, he notices a sign in a shabby roadside convenience store that reads "We Have Tru Blood".

They pull over, and rush excitedly inside. On the television is Bill Maher, who's interviewing a woman from the "American Vampire League" (Is it pathetic that I instantly recognized the actress as Jessica Tuck, who played the daughter of Vicki on One Life To Life back in the late 80's, until her character died of Lupus in her lover's arms?). Ed - Yes, it is.

Anyway, the woman is talking to Bill about how vampires are finally starting to live openly in society (the creation of blood substitute Tru Blood by "Japanese Scientists" means that vampires no longer have to seek out human blood, and thus pose no danger to anyone). She says that vampires deserve basic civil rights like anyone else, and they just want to be part of mainstream society. Bill starts to rattle off ways that vampires have spread evil throughout history, and I'm surprised he didn't try using the obligatory "Hitler was a vampire!"

They ask the clerk (who looks like Michael Madsen in a ratty old Cher wig) if they get "actual vamps" in here, and after the clerk scares the hell out of them by pretending to be one, they ask him if they can score some "V Juice". Apparently, vampire blood is the new designer drug, and it can improve vitality, virility, and cause some nasty side effects, like trying to claw your own face off.

The Larry the Cable Guy clone standing in line behind them is offended by the vampire blood talk, and tells them to knock it off. The boy tells him eff you, and the guy says "Oh, I'll eff you boy ... then I'll eat you," at which point two fangs drop from his teeth. The couple runs out, and the vampire throws a case of Tru Blood on the counter. He threatens the clerk that if he ever makes fun of vampires again, he'll be going to the giant Kwik-E-Mart in the sky.

Jason (Ryan Kwanten), Grandma (Lois Smith) and Sookie (Anna Paquin)

After the break, meet our psychic heroine, her hot naked brother, her sassy BFF, and the sexy vampire who will get our blood racing.

After the credits roll, we meet Sookie (played by Oscar winner Anna Paquin), who is a waitress at Marlottes Bar & Grill (which, judging from the waitress's tight t-shirts, could be called Hooters on the Bayou).

Sookie has a gift, in that she can hear people's thoughts, which isn't always a good thing (although she does hear one future gay boy lament about having to live in this "podunk" town, and advises him to get out of there as soon as possible).

We then head over to Super Save A Bunch and meet Sookie's friend Tara, who ... let's just say, doesn't suffer fools gladly. A customer (who looks like Violet Beauregarde after she's eaten the defective gum ... seriously, I expected to see Oompa-Loompas show up and roll her out of there) asks some stupid questions, which leads to a heated exchange, and then to Tara quitting on the spot and slapping the manager of the store.

"I don't need to take this, I just won the U.S. Open!"

Back at the bar, we meet some of the regular characters we'll be getting to know, including cute bar owner Sam (who's in love with Sookie), and the out Lafayette (who's flamboyant and tough-as-nails ... and has guns for days).

We meet a few of the regular customers (including a scuzzy couple who look like they lost their way coming back from a swinger's convention), and then we meet Sookie's brother Jason, played by Aussie dreamboat Ryan Kwanten (who's a dead ringer for a young Cary Elwes).

The first time we see him, he's bareass naked (thank you, Mr. Ball), and spending time with local floozy Maudette. He's taken aback when he sees two bite marks on her thigh, and she explains that a vampire offered her a thousand dollars to bite her (and have sex with her) and she accepted the offer. Jason asks how it was, and she responds that it was scary and violent, and he's intrigued. She tells him that she recorded it, and asks him if he want to watch. Obviously, they're setting Jason up as being "vamp-curious".

Anna in her Hooters-on-the-Bayou uniform

Back at the bar, we finally meet our vampire, who's named Bill (played by Stephen Moyer). As Sookie points out, "Bill" isn't exactly the first name that springs to mind when thinking of vampire monikers, but I guess expecting Vlad would be perpetuating a stereotype.

Bill asks for some Tru Blood, but has to settle for red wine when Sookie tells him that their batch went bad. Funny, I thought vampires didn't drink ... wine. The Scuzzy Couple strike up a conversation with Bill, and Sookie hears them plotting to "acquire" the vampire's blood. Apparently, there's a very lucrative black market, and they can get up to ten thousand dollars for draining him dry.

She tells Tara and Sam, who both tell her to stay out of it, but of course, she can't. She looks over, and Scuzzy Couple and Bill are gone, so she races out of the bar to try and find them. She sees them by the side of the road, with Bill immobilized on the ground with a long strand of silver covering his hands and throat.

Sookie creeps up with a tire chain, and throws it around Scuzzy guy's head, which coils around his neck like a snake, and starts to tighten (And this is the one part of the pilot that makes no sense. In the original pilot, we saw a mysterious woman in the woods who used some kind of telekinesis to make the chain wrap around his neck. In this version, the mysterious woman isn't there, so we're left to assume that Sookie somehow threw it in such a way ... that ... it wrapped around and started tightening, because ... why?).

After chasing off the Scuzzy Couple, Sookie gently removes the silver chain from Bill's body, and he's able to instantly heal himself. He and Sookie discuss vampire weaknesses, and it's obvious that Sookie is about to become Bill's vampire weakness.

The next morning, Sookie and Jason are at their grandmother's house, who informs them that Maudette was murdered the night before. Jason gets defensive, and explains that Maudette was a "fangbanger" (a mortal who like being bitten by a vampire), and rushes out, but not before Sookie tries to read his mind. He angrily stops her, but she knows that something's wrong.

While working his day job (which apparently consists of wearing a road work crew vest over his sweaty, shirtless torso), Jason is approached by the police (which includes actor William Sanderson, but without his brother Darryl or his other brother Darryl.) They ask him questions, and after getting caught in lie after lie, admits that he was with Maudette the night before, but he didn't kill her, they only had rough S & M sex. Needless to say, they arrest him.

Sam (Sam Trammell)

Later that night, Lafayette finds out that Tara is working at the bar, which leads to a hilarious, bitchy conversation between the two, until Junior Samples from Hee Haw sits down, and they turn their caustic attention towards him.

Sookie comes in, and finds out that Jason was arrested, and then meets up with Bill again. As everyone in the bar watches, they hold hands, and Bill tells her that she's "something more than human". Wow, I'll have to try that line next time I go out. But it works on Sookie, who asks to meet Bill later than night.

After he leaves, Sam drags her into the backroom and scolds her for getting involved with a vampire, and for putting herself in danger with the Scuzzy Couple. Tara bursts in, and starts in on her, too, but soon Sookie is hearing their thoughts, and realizes that Sam has the hots for her, and Tara has the hots for Jason.

As she's leaving work, Sam offers to walk her to her car, but she declines. She reaches her car, but decides to investigate a noise (has she never seen a horror movie in her life?), and is soon attacked by the Scuzzy Couple, who brutally beat her until the end credits roll.

So, that's it for the first episode. Overall, I liked it, and I think it has potential. The character of Lafayette is supposed to be controversial, but I liked him. Yes, he does sort of crossdress, and he wears make-up and is just a step away from doing finger snaps at people, but he's also a nice guy with a big heart for his friends, and can probably wipe the floor with any homophobe who comes in the bar.

So what did you think? Interested enough to come back for more, or was once enough? Let us know in the comments, and come back here every Monday for another recaplet, and check back later for the first episode of Blood Work, our weekly True Blood vlog!