"True Blood" (1.04) recaplet: The New Blood

The fourth episode of HBO's vampire drama True Blood opens with Sookie screaming bloody murder (thankfully, it doesn't summon Trevor Moorhouse) as she enters the house of co-worker Dawn to find her dead body splayed across the bed.

Jason enters soon afterwards with a bouquet of flowers he got for $3.99 at the Piggly-Wiggly, but is shocked by what he sees, and as he and Sookie comfort each other, a graduate from "nosy neighbor 101" comes by to accuse him of Dawn's murder. Jason protests, of course "Sure, we had a huge fight, and she shot a gun at me, and I called her nasty names...but doesn't this cheap bouquet of yellow daisies mean anything? It came with a vase!".

Sookie looks suspiciously at her brother as Mrs. Kravitz rushes off to call the police (and we never see her feet, but I'm pretty sure she's wearing loafers with the back cut out of them). Jason continues to proclaim his innocence..but even he looks unsure.

After the credits, it looks like Dawn's entire neighborhood is having a block party to snoop out the details of what happened, and we get a nice scene that helps flesh out the secondary characters of Rene, Arlene, and Hoyt.

Rene (who sounds vaguely like Pepe Le Pew...or Gambit) and Arlene (who looks like a southern fried Kathy Griffin after a bad bender) are like an old married couple who lovingly snip at each other, and Hoyt is a big slab of beefcake (who I don't think is as dumb as he seems).

Michael Raymond-James, Carrie Preston

Hoyt's mother mentions wishing she could be a fly on the wall to find out what's going on, and we cut to a real fly landing on Dawn's mouth (hey, maybe it's Sam!), and overhear the sheriff and detective interviewing Sookie about the details of what she saw.

Jason is handcuffed and tossed into the backseat of the police car, and when he realizes he still has the vial of vampire blood he acquired from Lafayette, reaches into his pocket and pulls it out. Apparently he doesn't remember that he was told that drinking more than a drop or two would be dangerous, because he downs the entire vial (which would end up being a huge mistake for him...and us).

Sam comes by and comforts Sookie, and there's an odd scene when a cop asks him if he has the key to Dawn's storage unit. Sam pulls out a keyring (in a shot that calls attention to itself) and leaves to help the police. Hmm...

Jason is being grilled at the police station (again), and continues to assert his innocence, when we get the first of many scenes in this episode that are the antithesis of all the hot Jason scenes we've been treated to before. It's like Alan Ball twirled his mustache and said "Ha! Just try and get turned on by this!"

Jason is answering questions when the vampire blood takes effect and the bulge in his jeans inflates like a party balloon. He winces in pain (which will be a recurring theme for him tonight) and excuses himself to go to the restroom.

Ryan Kwanten has a rabid armadillo in his trousers

Jason locks the door and opens the fly of his jeans, unleashing the monster, and his screams of agony send the two cops running to the restroom. They pound on the door, but Jason insists that everything's okay, and he just "needs a minute".

Luckily for him, Tara comes into the police station, and reads the cops the riot act for not reading Jason his rights, and when the sheriff mentions that Jason can't even come up with a good excuse as to where he was when Dawn was killed, Tara lies and say he was with her all night. The cops are forced to let him go, and he and Tara leave together.

Sookie goes to see Gran, who makes her promise to us her telepathy at work to try and find out any info about who really killed Dawn, but all Sookie can gleam from the customers is vile racism, misogyny, and the firm belief that Jason is guilty.

Will Sookie find the information she needs? And who is the mysterious new vampire in her life? And why does Jason's wiener think it's a Ball Park Frank? Find out after the break!

Anna Paquin, Sam Trammell

Tara comes in, and Sam awkwardly tries to bring up what happened with them the night before, but she tells him she told the police she was with Jason, and he needs to go along with the lie.

Meanwhile, Jason is at home having a tug of war with cyclops, and we see a particularly gross blister between his thumb and forefinger (and I have to say...and I never though I'd say this...but I'm glad we don't get a full frontal scene).

He rushes (or rather..walks gingerly) to the bar to talk to Lafayette, who bemusedly tells him that it's his own damn fault, and there is no antidote for V blood. Jason tells a story about his grandpa who had gout in his big toe, and how it hurt just to have a sheet covering it..and then compares it to what's going on to his junk, and frankly, I could've lived with that image.

Bill comes in to the bar, and Sookie tells him about Dawn. She explains that she was able to learn from reading the customers that both Dawn and Maudette frequented the same vampire bar in Shreveport, and asks Bill if he knows about it. He says it's called Fangtasia, and the incredulous look on her face requires him to offer an explanation. Seems that vampires love puns, and obviously bad puns especially (seriously, "Fangtasia" is like something I would come up with).

Bill agrees to take her to the vampire bar to see if she can come up with any evidence to clear her brother, but when she tells Sam, he barks "you're gonna get yourself killed", and tries to talk her out of it. She's adamant about going though, and leaves him to lick his wounds.

Tara is putting away food in the freezer when she sees Jason sitting on the floor, pantsless, with a rib eye steak covering his mangled mess. He says he thinks he overdosed on V, and Tara is furious when she finds out that Lafayette sold it to him. He shows her the carnage, and she insists that they head to the hospital...now.

If it lasts more than four hours, consult a physician

At the emergency room, the doctor takes a peek, and graphically describes what he sees as an "eggplant", and asks Jason if he's taken any drugs...like vampire blood. Of course he says no, and the doctor says that he's going to have to aspirate his member, in other words...drain the blood. After more screaming, and after my own member had crawled so far back into my body it was tickling my ribcage, Tara drove Jason home, and had a flashback to when they were kids, and he saved her from the wrath of her drunken mother.

Meanwhile, Bill has driven Sookie to Fangtasia, and I have to say, Anna Paquin's breasts are cinched so high up, if something falls off her fork, she'll know exactly where to look.

Arriving at the vampire bar, Bill introduces Sookie to the bartender Longshadow, who says that both Dawn and Maudette had been at the bar before, but the only other info he will provide is that Dawn "wanted to die", because in one way or another, everyone who comes to the bar wants to die "in their own way". As Bill and Sookie are drinking, she reads the thoughts of a human who has the the hots for a mysterious figure sitting away from the other customers. She asks who it is, and Bill testily replies "oh, you noticed him, did ya?". Well, in her defense, Bill, the man is sitting on a throne. He's not exactly discreet.

Stephen Moyer, Alexander Skarsgard

Bill tells her that the man is named Eric, and he's the oldest person there. He also has a short fuse, as the human who tries to get too close to him finds out. He kicks the man away, and the vampires at the club switch their fangs on, and he's carted away.

Eric summons Bill and Sookie to his side, and it's obvious this guy is the Grand High Poobah of vampires, as he and his henchwoman Pam toy with the two of them. There's some kind of history or..dare i say it?...bad blood between Bill and Eric, which is intriguing, but just as things get going, Sookie reads a human in the crowd, and realizes that the bar is about to be raided by the police.

She tells Eric, who insists that nothing illegal is happening, but Sookie also sees a vampire named Taryn in the ladies room feeding on the human that Eric kicked, so that might not look too proper in the eyes of the law.

They all decide that the best course of action is to hightail it out of there, and in an unintentionally hilarious scene, Eric and Pam look like they're speeding away on rollerblades, and Bill carries off Sookie and her heaving breasts like they're Suckerman and a damsel in d-cups.

Heading home, Sookie asks Bill to pull the car over so she can collect her thoughts, and just as they're about to kiss, a cop pulls up and approaches the car. Sookie says she'll do the talking, but after the cop harasses the both of them for a bit, Bill decides he's had enough, and "glamours" the man. He keeps the officer's gun, and leaves him in a puddle of his own making, and obviously, this is a side of Bill we haven't seen before.

The final scene is a corker, as Sam enters Dawn's apartment wearing white gloves, and proceeds to writhe around on her bed, sniffing and salivating all over the dead girl's sheets.Hmm...

Well, there's obviously much more to Sam than we knew of, and he may not be the good guy a lot of people thought. The relationship between Eric and Bill is going to be fun to flesh out (just what is their history?), and we also saw flashes of anger in Bill that were startling. As for Jason, please tell me he's learned his lesson about V blood. I don't think I can take any more scenes like tonight.

Let us know what you thought about this episode, and come back next week, as the previews suggest that Lafayette lays the smack down on...a lot of people.