"True Blood" (1.09) recaplet: Plaisir D'Amour

Photo: Prashant Gupta/HBO

At the end of last week's episode of True Blood, Sookie found herself on the receiving end of some unwanted vampire attention when bartender LongShadow attacked her for discovering the truth about his sticky fingers.

Will Bill break the ultimate vampire code to save her? And what about Eddie, the suburban vampire kidnapped by Jason and the increasingly monstrous Amy? Will he live long enough to watch the next episode of Heroes? And does Tara really have a demon inside her or is it just PMS? And will the women who read this ever forgive me for that last line?

These questions, and many others will be answered ... after the break!

As Bill, Pam, Eric and the annoyingly hysterical human Ginger look on, LongShadow flies across the room and prepares to sink his teeth into Sookie's neck. What follows is a classic piece of Grand Guignol as Bill grabs the handle to the beer tap and plunges it through LongShadow's back, into his heart.

As the blood erupts from his mouth, drenching Sookie, my first thought (and I'm sure yours too) was "LongShadow - tastes great, less filling!"

Having thoroughly soaked Sookie LongShadow disintegrates into a pile of guts, while Ginger tosses her gin-soaked cookies and Sookie looks like she pissed off Nancy Allen one too many times.

Oh, but it's not over. After the credits, we get Ginger on her hands and knees hysterically trying to gather up LongShadow's entrails and brain matter like she's going to put him back together!

As Sookie tries to wash up in the bathroom, Pam comes in to give her some slutty clothes to change into and helpfully pulls some of LongShadow leftovers out of Sookie's cleavage. She purrs, "I'm beginning to understand the fuss everyone's making over you", which makes me wonder if Pam is one of those ... Lebanese vampires.

As Sookie and k.d. Fang stare intently at each other, Ginger flounces in, having been successfully "glamoured" and not remembering that five minutes ago she was fondling LongShadow's spleen.

Eric and Bill have an ominous meeting in which it's revealed that Bill committed a major faux pas by killing another vampire in front of witnesses (and to protect a human), and Eric offers to look the other way in exchange for ... Sookie. Bill immediately says no, and Eric tries to goad him into admitting that he loves her. Bill won't go that far, but is adamant that Sookie must be protected at all costs.

Jason and Amy imprison poor Eddie in Jason's basement (which comes complete with 9/11 gas masks ... which reminds me, I know everyone will think I'm crazy, but I finally figured out who Ryan Kwanten reminds me of. The more unhinged his character becomes, the less he looks like a young Cary Elwes, and the more his face resembles a young ... George W. Bush. Yes, I'm serious.)

They tie Eddie to a lawn chair, and begin to feed on him, which leads to another blood fever dream that's both hysterical and hot. In front a green screen of nature vistas, Amy and Jason cavort like a hopped-up Adam & Eve, swimming through the jungle and flying through the mountains, while still managing to avoid any full frontal exposure (although it is close).

The next morning they have a picnic outside, punctuated by Eddie's occasional screams of pain from the house. They talk about ... the plants ... and the wind ... and for a minute I thought I was watching The Happening II: Revenge of the Crabgrass. Amy tells Jason "I love you" and that everything will work out because she's been through hard times and deserves some happiness, and hey, if a vampire or two gets drained and killed in the process, so be it.

Later, at work with the road crew, Jason is still feeling "one" with nature, and when Rene tries to jackhammer a tree root he tackles him, spouting gibberish about everything being "connected". Rene goes off on Jason for nearly killing him and is joined by Lafayette and Hoyt, who gets tackled himself for daring to call Jason "J".

Over the course of the episode, though, we'll see glimpses of the other Jason, the one who's compassionate (in his own way) and insightful (in his own way).

He starts to get to know Eddie better and learns the reason why Eddie became a vampire (because he thought it would make him more appealing to young gay men). They open up to each other about their families and when Jason admits that he thinks Amy is "the one", Eddie desperately tries to dissuade him, adamant that Amy is a psychopath and far more dangerous than he realizes. Jason gets upset, and tells him to mind his own business, but later comes back with some True Blood for Eddie to drink.

I love seeing this side of Jason; it helps to balance out some of the lunacy (but he should really heed Eddie's warning ... that Amy girl is a powder keg, and Jason's giving off sparks).

Meanwhile, Tara is still trying to decide whether she's actually going to go through with the exorcism. She goes to see the exorcist, who informs her that it'll cost $799.95 to get rid of the demon (and that's with the "Rollback" sale!).

Tara is aghast but the exorcist convinces her that the demon inside her is stronger than normal demons, and more dangerous to try to remove. She tells Tara that the loneliness inside her is creeping into her eyes and gives her this simple exercise to try: stand in front of a mirror and count down from ten. If she can get all the way to zero, then everything is fine; but if she can't, Tony Todd will reach through and gut her with a hook. Oh wait, that's something else. If she can't look at herself for ten seconds then there's obviously something wrong.

Back at home, Sam arrives with a bouquet of flowers, which Tara'a mother Lettie instantly dismisses as a "sex thing" (and maybe it's just me, but I much prefer Lettie with the demon inside her). Tara tells Sam that she's too messed up for him to deal with and admits to seriously considering the $800 exorcism (she unfortunately can't afford it).

Later at work Tara notices a strange envelope in her cubby hole and opens it to find the money she needs. She confronts Sam, who convinces her to take it to get rid of whatever's inside of her that needs to get out. She asks if he believes that she really does a demon inside her and he says that with all the strange things happening "who knows what's out there?" Hmm...

Back to our main couple: Bill has taken Sookie home, but when she turns on the light she notices blood on the wall. Bill tells her not to look up (which is a stupid thing to say) and when she looks up, is sprayed with the blood of her dead cat, who's been beheaded and is swinging from the ceiling fan. What the hell is this, "bleed on Sookie day?"

The next day at work Sookie is in a very bad mood and takes it out on everybody. She blames Andy for not doing enough to find the killer and rolls her eyes at the wedding bell bleating of Arlene (who cajoles Sam into paying for and holding her engagement party).

She goes outside for a breather, where she has a heart-to-heart with Amy about Jason. Amy tells her that Jason misses her and that she still has people who love her, and one day hopefully Amy can be one of those people, and with everything that's happened I was waiting for Amy to puke a pint of blood in Sookie's lap ... but I was wrong!

Bill is at home playing Wii Golf when ... WHOA! ... Bill is at home playing ... Wii Golf? This show never ceases to amaze. Although I guess Castlevania would be hitting too close to home.

He's interrupted by Eric, Pam, and LongShadow's replacement, and unfortunately it's not a social call. Bill has been summoned to a tribunal to answer for what he did and they're there to take him. He insists on telling Sookie first, so they head to Merlottes (but first, LongShadow's replacement asks him what his score is on Wii Golf Pebble Beach, and when Bill says "7 under", he smugly tells Bill "11 under". Oohh ... BURN!).

When they get to the bar, Bill immediately goes in to talk to Sam and pleads with him to please protect Sookie while he's gone. Why Sam? It's as if Bill ... knows something about him. Hmm...

Meanwhile, Eric and Pam are passing out discount coupon books for Fangtasia (which is pretty hilarious), but Eric refuses to give one to a redneck with a bandage on his arm. Turns out it's one of the guys who burned down the vampire house, and Eric announces to everyone at the bar that they may not have retaliated for what happened ... but they will.

Bill explains to Sookie that he has to go away for a while to be judged for what he did, and she's understandably upset. She wants to go with him, but this is something she can't be a part of, and he says goodbye for what may be the last time (but probably not).

Back at the bar Sookie can't concentrate (maybe seeing Tara and Sam making out is to blame), so she tells Amy she's going over to Bill's to sleep, because she'll feel safer there. Amy tells Sam, who rushes from the bar to be with her. Unfortunately, Andy is outside the bar and tells him that his story about being raised a nudist didn't check out, and he'll have to come up with another explanation for being naked in the woods.

Sam says, "oh sure ... but I forgot something in the bar, I'll be right back", and a minute after Sam enters the bar that cute dog comes running out and speeds past Andy. He arrives at Bill's house just as Sookie gets there, and she invites him to keep her company for the night.

She gets undressed (and is impressed that he seems to be looking away while she does it), and then crawls under the covers as Dean (which she now calls him) lies down at the edge of the bed. She awakens later to the sound of crickets chirping, the moonlight shining on her face ... and naked Sam lying on the edge of her bed. She screams at the sight of him, and frankly, so did I. (ROWR!)

End of episode

Well this was another fine episode, with both bat-crap insanity and more poignant moments (oddly, both came from Jason). There was the bloody opening and the quiet moments with Bill and Sookie, and there were great little touches, like the $799.95 exorcism and Bill playing the Wii.

What did you think of this episode? Let us know in the comments, and come back next week for The Trial of Billy Compton!