"True Blood" (1.12) finale recaplet: You'll Be the Death Of Me

It's the season finale of True Blood, and it gives us everything we were hoping for and more.

Join us after the break for all the shocking details, including what will no doubt be a much-debated cliffhanger!

We open with Jason in jail, reciting his last will and testament to Rene. His faux leather jacket will go to Hoyt, the house will go to Sookie, the truck will go to Rene, and his modesty pouch ... well, his modesty pouch will be permanently enshrined at the Smithsonian, next to Archie Bunker's chair, the "puffy shirt" from Seinfeld and the stuffed and mounted body of Herve Villechaize.

Sookie arrives and tells Jason to shut the hell up about "confessing" to all the murders. She's very close to finding out who the real killer is, and she just needs a little more time. Rene is in the background during all of this, and now that his killer status is known to the audience, the show doesn't hesitate to make him look as twitchingly psychotic as possible in every scene he's in.

Sookie arrives for work at Merlotte's, which Sam thinks is a mistake after what's happened to Jason, but she's adamant that she might be able to flush out the killer by turning up the volume control on her read-o-meter to eleven.

The first thing she sees is Andy, who's puffed up with pride and arrogance about arresting "the killer". He's relating the tale to a group of locals, and from the looks of the girl stroking his arm, it's obvious that the women in this town will drop their panties for anything.

Sookie hears this, and hears all the other customer saying vile things about her and Jason, and can't handle any more. She tells Sam she needs to get away for awhile and is going for a drive. He tries to talk her out of it, but she says she'll keep the doors locked and won't let anyone in. Well, except the killer.

For some reason her car won't start, and Rene pops his head up and says "I'll drive you home and wait there til Sam gets off work." She agrees, and before they drive off we see that Rene had cut some doohickies in her car engine.

Driving back to Sookie's house, Rene consoles her about Jason and asks her if she can really read minds. She tries reading his, but he's deliberating thinking "nothing-nothing-nothing." She tells him it doesn't work when people try to do that because eventually they slip and let their real thoughts through, but she says the funny thing is, Rene's thoughts don't seem to have an accent. Hmm...

We soon find out why as we switch to Arlene's house, and see her kids watching Elliot Spitzer's vacation video the video of Liam and Maudette going at it. Arlene comes in and is appalled, and when she finds out they got it from a box in the garage, she shoos them away and sits down to take a look inside. Let's see ... there are videotapes with the names of dead women written on them, and in the single most hilarious shot in the entire series, she picks up a cassette tape that reads "Cajun Dialect ... for Actors."

Meanwhile Sookie tells Rene she'll make some tea, as he wanders around the house contemplating his next move (but first he turns on the ceiling fan in the foyer, dredging up memories of watching poor Tina going for a spin). He notices the shotgun next to the fireplace, and it's obvious this will somehow play into his game of "cat & mouse" with Sookie.

Back at Merlotte's Lafayette is cleaning up and notices Rene's work vest in the booth. He tosses it to Sam, who sniffs it and has a flashback to rolling around on Dawn's bed after she dies. He realizes that Rene was there, which means he's the killer! He runs out of the bar, and into my favorite True Blood character, Terry, who doesn't disappoint me tonight. Sam asks him if he saw Sookie, and Terry tells him she left with Rene "about twenty ... twenty-three minutes ago".

Sookie is preparing the tea when she has a vision of the last time Rene was in her kitchen ... when he was murdering her grandmother (as we expected, Gran was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and was killed instead of Sookie). She spills the tea on the floor and slowly backs out of the room, telling Rene she has to go find a mop. Rene follows her, but lets her get to the fireplace where she grabs the shotgun and points it at him. She tries to fire, but Rene had rudely removed the shells and waves them triumphantly in her face. She gets the last laugh, however, by swinging the gun and connecting with the side of his head. She runs out of the house and tosses the shotgun in the bushes, while Rene is in hot pursuit screaming obscenities (but now without the "cajun" accent").

Sam arrives at the house soon afterwards, and seeing the blood trail leading out the door, takes a big sniff and starts running after them (and tears his shirt off, which you know is his way of saying "never fear, Sam is here!").

Sookie has made it to the cemetery and tries to hide from Rene in one of the open graves. Rene tries to find her (and all the while, we see flashbacks to all the murders), and manages to psych her out (literally) by pretending to think "I guess I lost her ... I'd better go back." She buys it, and pops her head out from the grave just in time for Rene to grab it and yank her out of there. He throws her onto a headstone and starts punching her.

And now we come to the best scenes in the episode, as Bill hears Sookie's cries for help as he's resting beneath the floorboards in his house. Bill decides to make the vampire ultimate sacrifice and leave the confines of his darkened hole ... for the certain death of daylight.

He opens the door and is immediately beset by wave after wave of searing heat. As he makes his way to towards the cemetery his flesh starts to blacken and blister, and by the time he's able to communicate with Sookie, he looks like every sad marshmallow I ever tried to roast.He manages to awaken the unconscious Sookie, though, before collapsing in a smoldering heap.

Tranformed Sam has arrived and tries to take a bite out of Rene but is knocked out, and as Rene is kicking the mangy mutt, he transforms back. Seeing the naked Sam drives Rene wild (as it does to a lot of us), and he starts kicking him even harder.

Sookie has been awakened by the burning stare of Bill and sees Rene assaulting Sam, so she grabs a nearby shovel and hits him in the head with it. He's knocked down but manages to grab her ankle, so she thrusts the shovel into his neck, decapitating him. Oh, and killing him.

She looks up and sees smoke coming from a lump on the ground, and rushes over to see that Bill has transformed into a blackened catfish. He lifts his head and apologizes before passing out and Sam shouts that they need to bury him to get him out of the light. He lifts up the charred remains and carries him to the open grave, and starts shoveling dirt. You know, if there's one image that best sums up this series, I think it's a hot naked guy digging a grave.

Later, Sookie is resting at home (having been doped up royally at the hospital) and is visited by all of her friends, including Arlene, who is inconsolable about having let Rene into her life. She says she should have known "cause there were things he liked to do ... in bed, that no normal man ever does." Snuggle? Talk? Fill out tax forms? What?

Later that night, Sookie is alone in the house when there's a knock at the door. She opens it and there's Bill, looking none the worse for wear considering the degree of crispness he had achieved the last time we saw him. He tells her that he was able to feed (upon whom might be the subject of conjecture after tonight), and it healed him. She invites him in and he offers to pop a vein to help heal her injuries, but she refuses. After everything she "just needs to feel human right now." He tells her "I failed you," and she says "you were willing to sacrifice yourself for me," and they share a passionate kiss.

Meanwhile, things are looking up for Tara and Jason in this episode, but not so much for Lafayette.

Jason is languishing in jail and thinking about ending it all when he's visited by a representative from The Fellowship of the Sun, which sounds like a nudist colony but is actually an anti-vampire cult church. He gives him some paraphernalia and offers support, and when a furious Andy comes in and tells him he's been set free, Jason think he's been "saved".

When he visits Sookie they make amends, and he tells her that he now truly believes he was meant for something "special". Sookie looks at him the same way my parents looked at me when I told them I wanted to move out of the basement.

Tara is still confused by the motives of her "social worker" Maryann, but is willing to overlook a lot of it when she wakes up in Maryann's mansion, and swims in her giant pool, and eats the breakfast that's already prepared for her.

As she wanders around the house, she runs into someone else that Maryann is "helping", a guitar-plucking man named Eggs. Actually that's his nickname, his real name is "Florentine" "& Hash Browns" Benedict. He tells her that Maryann helped him, too, and she should relax and let it happen. While they're talking Maryann is sitting on the patio, and as her big pig looks on she starts to ... well, something. I'm not sure how to describe it except to say that she starts to shake and shimmer like her body is moving out of phase with this reality. It's either some magical altered state ... or she just drank a Red Bull.

Later, in the most intriguing scene of the episode, Maryann picks Tara up at Sookie's house, and "meets" Sam. As Tara walks towards the car, Sam whispers "what the hell are you doing here?" and Maryann responds, "did you think I wouldn't find you? You silly, silly dog!" Hmmm...

As all of this is going on, someone has to mind Merlotte's, and it falls on Lafayette's broad and capable shoulders. As he's taking trash out to the dumpster in back, we see a POV shot of ... something approaching from the woods, and apparently rushing to attack him as he yells "oh my God!" and tries to get away. Was it Bill (who told Sookie he healed by feeding) or ... something else?

The episode ends with a title card that reads "two weeks later", and everything seemingly back to normal. Sookie is almost healed and is back working at the bar. They're watching a news report of Vermont legalizing "vampire-human" marriage, and Arlene suggests that Sookie and Bill get married. Sam sarcastically says "oh sure, I'll pay for it" and then asks Tara if she's heard from Lafayette (who hasn't been seen in two weeks). Tara says no, but she isn't worried. Lafayette has pulled this disappearing act before and he always turns up eventually.

Bill is tickling the ivories at home when he's visited by Eric and Pam, who have brought his little bundle of joy Jessica with them. It seems like she's too much for either of them to handle, and they're tired of looking after her. There's a hilarious moment when Bill bares his fangs to Eric, only to experience "fang envy" when Erics' are longer. They tell Bill, "good luck, you'll need it!" and make their exit. Baby Jessica (who's turned from mousy into slutty) looks at him and asks, "so, who's good to eat around here?"

Back at the bar Sam rushes into his office, and starts shoveling all the money from his safe into a trash bag (what's that about?) as Tara and Sookie try to get an angry and wasted Andy out of the bar. They called his sister to pick him up, but he's insisting on driving himself home. They follow him out to the parking lot trying to get his keys from him, but he refuses. He shouts that someone stole his car ... it's not where he parked it, and when they eventually find it further down in the parking lot, the back door is ajar.

When Andy opens the back door a leg dangles out, and a body is visible in the backseat. We can't see the body, but the leg is dark-skinned ... with painted toenails. Tara and Sookie scream ... like they recognize who it is.

End of Episode and Season

Okay ... I thought this was a terrific season finale. It does what every great cliffhanger does: leaves us wanting more NOW! From Bill's new job as daddy, to the mystery of Sam and Maryann's relationship, to Jason getting involved with the "sunnies" (in his last scene, we see him worshipping in their church), it sets up lots of stories for next season.

I'm hoping that it wasn't Lafayette in that last scene. I'll be very disappointed if he is dispatched so abruptly (and without doing more with him and the senator). And they better bring back Terry, who capped off a great episode by telling Arlene that her new lighter hair color "is like the sunset after a bomb went off". That's about the most romantic thing I've ever heard.

What did you think about the finale? Was it a disappointment, or does it leave you hungry for more?