"Ugly Betty" (3.04) recaplet: Betty Suarez Land

There were a lot of developments on this week's Ugly Betty, as we may have seen the last of a number of cast members. Find out who's staying and who's going after the break!

We start off with Suzuki St. Pierre (Alec Mapa) making one of his "Fashion TV" reports (aka helpful exposition) about Alexis being arrested for pushing Christina down the steps.

Daniel arrives at the jail to speak to Alexis, who tells him "You're not Rafa Jr's father...I am", which causes Daniel to channel Elliot Stabler and launch across the interrogation table to get at her.

Betty walks off the elevator at Mode to see a blast from last season, Gio! For some reason, she thinks he'll be happy to see her (Betty is a smart girl, but sometimes....) and is shocked when he says how upset he still is that she dumped him and he had to go on a romantic trip to Italy by himself. He goes on and on about finding some special "cheese", and frankly, he was starting to creep me out a little, when he lets Betty know that he had an epiphany...he hates her.

In the history of unfortunate product tie-ins, the "Showgirls Coloring Book" is near the top.

Betty is discussing Gio with Daniel, and she convinces him to try and find some of Gio's "special cheese", but Daniel is preoccupied with his son, who's now his nephew.

Wilhemina and Mark are livid that it looks like Alexis is only going to get a slap on the wrist for her crime, so they hatch a plan to keep that from happening (and they both are perfectly color coordinated today...in hideous shades of green. She looks like a lizard who's halfway through the molting process, and he looks like a big gay bullfrog).

Claire, Daniel, and Alexis are informed by their lawyer (played by Barry Bostwick, and I'm going to fight mightily not to make a Rocky Horror reference in this recap) that the charges have been upgraded to attempted murder. Claire says "I'm not putting the future of my daughter in the hands of twelve people who are too lazy or too stupid to get out of jury duty" (that reminds me...our own Associate Editor Brian had jury duty a few months ago...I wonder how that went?).

Anyway...Claire calls the district attorney to argue her case, but he says his hands are tied...literally, as we see Willie doing her best Dana Delaney in Exit to Eden, and is delivering some corporal punishment to the hot D.A. (who's played by Christian Hoff, the TONY winner from Jersey Boys). It's clear that Willie will be getting her way this time.

Christian Hoff in the off-off Broadway production of "Elliot Spitzer: The Musical"

Hilda and Tony are having a picnic in Betty's apartment, and she's still upset with the whole "sneaking around cause you're married" thing, when he breaks the news that he's going to tell his wife about them that night. After he leaves, a woman comes out of the shadows to check the name on the apartment door. She almost knocks, but walks away instead, so she's either his wife, or a very timid Avon lady.

Later, the same woman shows up at Hilda's beauty shop, and asks her to tell her "sister" to stop seeing Tony. Hilda realizes that the wife doesn't know that the woman who's been having an affair with her husband is standing right in front of her, and is mortified when the wife reveals that she's still in love with her husband, and doesn't want to leave him

Daniel is informed that the grandparents are on their way from France to pick up Rafa Jr. (they found out that Daniel isn't his father, and were granted temporary custody). If they take him back to France, there's no way he can get custody, so he asks Betty to pick him up from school, and keep him occupied.

That works out well for Betty, who has received the "special cheese", and tricks Gio into coming over to her apartment. Gio wants to take the cheese and run, but Betty insists they work out their differences. Gio accuses her of living in "Betty Suarez Land", population, one. Their arguing is interrupted when someone rings Betty's buzzer. It's Rafa's grandparents, who found out that she's harboring him.

I gotta go. I'm doing the commentary on the director's cut DVD of "Megaforce"

After Betty, Rafa, and Gio make their escape, they head to Coney Island, where Daniel meets up with them later. He tells Betty that he needs to take Rafa out of the country, because the grandparents have a court order for him, and admits to Betty that he's not really the father. Unfortunately, his son/nepew overhears, and runs away.

Betty convinces Daniel that he needs to take a step back and decide if he really wants to become a fugitive, and he realizes that the best place for Rafa probably is with the grandparents. They eventually find the tyke under the boardwalk, down by the sea, and Daniel tells him that it's time to go back to France, but he'll always have a "cool uncle" looking out for him. SEE YA, RAFA!

Meanwhile, Willi and Mark arrive at the jail to talk to Alexis, and offer a deal. The charges will go away if she signs over her share of Meade Publishing. Alexis says she'd rather rot in prison than betray Daniel again, so Willi goes to Claire, who offers another deal. She'll convince Alexis to sign over half of her shares to Daniel, and half to Willi, and the two of them will have equal power in the company.

Can't I at least shower one more time?

Tony comes over to see Hilda, who has decided their relationship has to end. She can't handle knowing that she's responsible for breaking up a marriage, and tells him goodbye. As he leaves the house, I can't help but wonder how sad his nipples must be right now...they never even got to say goodbye to us. SEE YA, TONY!

Gio comes over to Betty's and she hands over his "special cheese" (which was like the Macguffin of this episode), and she admits that she was acting selfish, and is sorry she hurt him. They make amends, but then say their official goodbyes. SEE YA, GIO!

Claire and Daniel meet Alexis at the heliport, where she's about to leave for France. Daniel advises her to try and get to know Rafa if she gets a chance, and then they all have an emotional goodbye. SEE YA, ALEXIS!

The episode ends as it should, with Betty and her family, pulling together for Hilda.

Jeez..people come and go so quickly here! I'm pretty sure Rafa Jr. is gone for good, as well as Gio, but hopefully Alexis will be back after Rebecca Romijn squeezes out her little O'Connell. About Eddie Cibrian, I'm not sure. Hopefully he'll stick around.

I am glad that they're paring down the cast to the essential players, though. We need more of Marc and Amanda (who wasn't given anything to do in this episode except obsess over some Healthy Choice dinners), and Daniel and Willi competing for the company.

Let us know what you thought, and be sure and come back next week for the return of Lindsay Lohan, and Justin finally getting a story!