"Ugly Betty" (3.19) recaplet: The sex issue

Since this is the last episode of Ugly Betty until May, I was hoping it would go out with a bang ... but like the title character this week, I was left unfulfilled and frustrated.

There were some good things, some things that don't work as well as they should, and some missed opportunities.

We start with Betty and Matt still going strong after a month, and Matt celebrates by giving her a terrifying solid gold insect to put in her hair (and at first I thought it was one of those cursed ancient Egpytian scarabs that you see in horror films ... I kept expecting Betty to become possessed and start speaking with the voice of King Smenkhkare).

The first missed opportunity occurs right off the bat, as Papi and Justin make plans to go camping with Elena and her nephew. Justin complains, but is overruled. I hate to say this, but Justin is becoming more one-note as the season progresses. He comes on, delivers a quip or two, and that's it. He needs a storyline ASAP!

Papi and Justin leave on their camping trip ... and are not seen again in this episode! How in the hell can you set up Justin and Papi on a camping trip and not show a single scene? It would have been the perfect opportunity to see more of their relationship, which they've never really explored.

With Papi and Justin gone, we get to the theme of this episode, which is Betty and Hilda having, and not having, sex.

Horny Betty is itching to get it on with Matt, but he's curiously resistant to the idea, even when she slathers on lipgloss and says, "wanna come up and see my etchings?" He looks horrified and hustles her into a cab.

Frustrated, Betty seeks Hilda's advice, who says she's probably being too subtle. Hmm ... how can Betty send Matt the right message?

Marc and Amanda are at their demented Wondertwins best this episode, as they decide to help Betty with her "Operation: Betty Sexification" plan. They give her pointers on the six senses of seduction: sound, smell, taste, touch, sight, and style. Marc explains the art of hair-flipping, and bears a striking resemblance to Janice from The Muppet Show.

Unfortunately, their advice falls flat, as Matt is still not receptive to Betty's seduction. I still don't understand why ... she does all the right things, like flipping her hair in his face and mechanically blinking her eyes like one of those japanese sex robots, and her kerchief is just as gorgeous as the first time I saw it, when it was a Pizza Hut tablecoth.

Crushed at Matt's rejection, Betty lets Marc and Amanda talk her into following Matt when he leaves his office building, and they're shocked when they observe him embracing a strange blonde on the street.

Turns out the blonde is Matt's therapist, and she invites Betty to sit in on their session. Matt reveals that the reason he hasn't wanted to sleep with her is because ... he's a giant slut. He's apparently slept with hundreds of women, and has only connected to them through sex. Because Betty is so special to him, he wanted to make sure he was connected to her a different way before they had sex ... or something like that.

Betty pretends to understand, and is accepting of Matt's canoodling past, until they go out and she starts seeing every girl in the room as one of Matt's conquests. Betty freaks out, and tells Matt she feels like a number. Matt says "you are a number ... number one," and then feeds her some B.S. about how it's new with her, and she's the first girl he feels this strongly about. Yeah, I'll bet he said the same thing to girl number one seventy-two. Betty buys it, and they end up about to enter his building (which ironically, has a revolving door).

Hilda is having her own difficulties with new suitor Archie, but it's for a different reason. She wants to dump him because he's, well ... boring. She's used to dating bad boys, but decides to give Archie a try since her track record with bad boys is, well ... atrocious. They go out to dinner, and Hilda is ready to drop the anvil when Archie's bimbo ex-girlfriend interrupts to flirt with Archie and raise Hilda's blood pressure.

Realizing there may be more to Archie than meets the eye, Hilda decides to give him another chance, especially when his crazy ex barges into the shop and demands Hilda leave him alone. Drama obviously turns Hilda on, because Archie suddenly becomes irresistible to her, and she decides to continue the relationship.

Wilhelmina is feeling frustrated, too, but it has more to do with lack of sleep than lack of sex. She keeps seeing Connor in her dreams holding the baby (I often see Connor in my dreams, too, but he's holding something else), and it's keeping her from getting her beauty rest. The last straw is when Marc becomes hysterical when he sees a glassy-eyed Willi staring out the window and thinks she's dead (she's actually just sleeping with her eyes open, in the episode's funniest scene).

Tired of being tired, Willi orders Marc to hire a night nanny to care for the baby while she gets the rest she needs, but obviously forgets that command when she awakens in the night and hears a strange voice coming from the baby's room. She enters carrying a baseball bat (and wearing what looks like one of Bea Arthur's old Emmy dresses) and is about to beat the snot out of the stranger when she realizes it's just the new nanny manny. Willi apologizes and leaves, but first takes an admiring leer at the gorgeous guy's posterior.

Marc admits that he hired "Manny Poppins" because he thought it would help Willi "get her groove back" so she can sleep better. He thinks she needs to get laid, and says "he is totally hot, he looks like Taye Diggs!" which leads to the funniest line of the night when Willi responds, "what is it with white people and Taye Diggs?"

Willi dismisses Marc's idea (and orders a "coincidental" brazilian wax), but that night takes one look at Manny and decides maybe she does need a little "stress relief". She starts the fireplace, puts on some Steely Dan (yeah!), and offers to wash his shirt after the baby spews on it.

Unfortunately, before Willi can get lucky, Manny makes a huge faux pas by singing the baby a lullaby, conjuring memories of Connor. Willi momentarily breaks down and starts sobbing, and Manny gives her some sensible advice about forgetting about having sex and concentrating on dealing with her Connor feelings.

Willi regains control and thanks Manny for the advice, and then tells him since they won't be having sex ... he's fired (and makes him leave without his shirt).

Meh ... I didn't like this turn of events. When she broke down I wanted to pull a Tom Hanks in A League Of Their Own and shout There's no crying by Willi! But I guess it worked because Willi's story ends with her happily asleep. Meh.

Oh yeah, there was more Daniel and Molly stuff this week, but it wasn't quite as tedious as weeks before, and did feature Daniel singing a cheesy song.

The episode ends with Betty and Matt taking the next step, Hilda and Archie starting over, and Papi and Justin coming back from their apparently uneventful camping trip.

Well, this was a serviceable episode, but nothing spectacular, which is what I was hoping for going into the hiatus. I'm giving it a six out of ten.

My hope for the rest of the season (which resumes in May) is that Justin will get more to do than deliver a line or two, Willi will become the bitch-on-wheels we all love again, and that they magically age that kid about six years. Can you imagine a little mini-Willi running around the halls of Mode, striking fear into everyone's hearts?

What do you think of this episode, and what do you hope for when the show comes back?