Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency (Episode 3.1): Back(sides) in Action

Yes, it’s that time of the year again. Better than Thanksgiving/Halloween/Christmas combined. I am of course referring to the Season 3 premiere of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency.

I had to dust off my channel guide to see where in heavens Oxygen TV is on the cablescape. I’ve been known to provide a mean blow by blow account of this show as I can find the nuance/joy/cattiness/love in every eye movement that Janice makes (when she can move either of them). But this will be a mini-recap, as I know that all you care about is how she looks, how many male models were shown naked, and whether any of them are gay.

• Janice: Looks almost unrecognizable/terrible/awesome/scary. Show opens with a maxi-footage photo session with Janice in different “looks” and one of "looks" resembled Janice so she's in there somewhere. She stops to remind the audience that she’s not only the world’s first supermodel, but the longest working supermodel to boot. Take that, Twiggy!

• Full uncensored male butt shots: A generous 4 or 5 exceptionally round ones, depending on whether you count the upteenth showing of the Romanian hunk from last season who just did not have what it takes as a model, as "new" or not. He is now Janice’s bodyguard. I think that it is he who would need a body guard to protect himself from Janice, as she looks like she could eat anyone alive and not leave a single bone.

• Gay models: No new confirmations, although we know from the show's PR folks that newcomers Shaun and Paul are both gay, and also a couple. We of course also get to catch up with our good bud J.P. Calderon and the apparently straight Dominic Figlio. Both Calderon and Figlio have become the faces/bodies of 2(x)ist since we last saw them, as chosen by 2(x)ist creative director Jason Scarlatti during the sophomore season of the show. Before the hour is over one of these studs will be forced to shave his sexy arms and knuckles (thus betraying his Italian heritage) for his photoshoot as the ONLY face for 2(x)ist for this year. (Hint: It's Not J.P.) Check out this pic of our Janice, who was apparently stuck to Mr. Scarlatti, as her lips may be having "issues." I know it's wrong, but I love Janice more than really nice people.

Here's what went down this episode ...

Janice gets a potential client who needs Latino models (male and female) and she realizes that she does not have one. Smart woman that she is, Janice asks her client to come back in 48 hours. I smell an open call for Latin models, and the show does not disappoint. Models of all ethnicities (including many who are not Latin) are carted in and out, photographs are taken, model "walks" are made fun off, and as usual Janice’s hairstylist and her make-up artist are never too far from the fray. The message of this episode (titled La Vida Janice) can be summarized by the following proverb: Necessity is the mother of invention.

Janice not only finds her “caliente” models but on the spot decides to create a Latin division of her agency as she realizes she’s been missing the boat given demographics trends. The bad guy again is her partner Peter, who thinks L.A. is all about blonds and, apparently has not been PAYING some of the models, as per uber-cutie TJ Wilk, promimently shown in the show's freshman season and seen below as the coverboy of Australia's leading gay magazine. Did I mention that there is a 20 page pictorial of TJ in said magazine?

Poor TJ apparently has not even been paid for the underwear shoot that capped the season 2 finale when Aussiebum fired Janice, only to be rescued by 2(x)ist. Janice is not a happy camper to hear that she’s losing a cash cow who tells her that Peter to his face that he is not a good manager and apparently not good at handing out paychecks. Janice is old school that way and thinks models should be paid for their services. TJ now wants to act and sing and is shown walking off into the sunset, or rather that mall where the agency is located.

In between all the screaming and self-created drama, the Janice opener was particularly good as she’s her same beyond crazy self, but as was the case when she provided critical and surprisingly tender support to an about to come out JP, she again showed warmth by being very supportive of all the Latino models, even all who did not make the cut. It looks like it’s going to be a very naked season with lots of yelling, screaming and "things will never be the same again" moments.

Repeat after me: “Dominic Figlio."

Until next time, I give you more Dominic Figlio.....