Place Your Bets For Next Week's "Gossip Girl" Threesome

There's a ménage à trois going down on next week's Gossip Girl, and it involves three of these people:

(Do you have any idea how hard it was to keep the Bass der Humphreys from colliding on that chart?)

The CW has been hyping the threesome (Sweeps-some?) for weeks now, leaking bogus spoilers to counter legitimate spoilers. Every entertainment site is predicting potential groupings, but there's no site more dedicated to kissing boys than us, so you know we've got to weigh in.

Step One: Process of elimination.

If we take out the characters who have been written off to Belarus (or similar), here's what what we're left with:

If we then take out the characters who have already participated in a drug-fueled threesome/murder plot and the characters who are in a committed relationship with Vanya the doorman, here's what we've got:

Now, we'll get rid of Lizzie McGuire because my childhood cannot handle that kind of retroactive rewrite. And we're left eight people:

Step Two: Toss out any groupings that involve the Bass der Humphrey kids shagging one another, Blair touching her lips to any body part of any person from Brooklyn, or high school kids bonking college kids.

Step Three: Predict the odds of the remaining pairings.

Grouping: Vanessa/Chuck/Dan

Why it's possible: Chuck slept with Vanessa (twice) last year, and he obviously boned Dan the night Dan wrote that Charlie Trout story in prison. Maybe people from Brooklyn make love like an ugly girl. (So present, so grateful.) And maybe Chuck needs a break from Blair being a pillow queen.

Odds of threesome: 1:500

Grouping: Eric/Jonathan/Jenny

Why it's possible: For all we know, Eric and Jonathan spend their alone time watching Gladiator and brushing one another's hair. We've never even seen them hold hands. But we're just going to assume that as high school queers who actually found one another, they're absolutely having sex. Why add Jenny into the mix? Maybe it's an evil plot to overthrow her as ruler of Constance-Billard. It's basic poker rules: two queens are better than one!

Odds of threesome: 1:1,000

Grouping: Blair/Chuck/Nate

Why it's possible: Up until two weeks ago, Blair was the only person on earth who thought Chuck had never kissed a guy. The rest of us know that Chuck and Nate have been sneaking off to make out since they were in middle school. Nate's probably sore from throwing himself under the bus last week at Trip's congressional victory party. Who better to heal his wounds than the two people who have always loved/lusted after him best?

Odds of threesome: 1:50

Grouping: Chuck/Nate/Dan

Why it's possible: Because miracles do happen. Is it possible that a television that won't burst into flames from the heat of this threesome? We don't think so, but there's only one way to find out.

Odds of threesome: 1:1,000,000

Place your bets for the threesome Sweeps-some in the comments!