Liveblogging "As the World Turns": The Celluloid Closet

On today's As the World Turns, things finally start to kick back into gear for the Most Atrophied Same-Sex Couple on Television (MASSCoT). Next week we'll see the return of a major character from Luke's past (the first cut is the deepest, fair Snyder) as well as Reg, the Oakdale Frisky Hot Tub Summer organizer who seems to be constantly circling the boys like a gay buzzard, waiting for their relationship to expire.

Wait, I just reread that last sentence and I actually think that description more accurately applies to me. My bad!

Back to today's show ... it seems that Luke wants to put fliers (Flier? I don't even know 'er!) for The Luke Snyder Foundation for Kids Who Don't Read Good at a (GASP) Gay Film Festival ... which overbearing Nana-suitor Brian "Wheatables" Wheatley isn't too keen on. Will Luke cave to the pressure? Will Wheats finally go postal on all of them? And will anyone make it out of the screening of Naked Boys Singing with their dignity intact?

Click on through the jump and refresh often to find out, as it happens!

Lights ... camera ... inaction!

2:55PM EDT: Back at the Lily Pad Lily tells Holden that she gave grandma the beat-down and he's all, "okay, but if this is all because your mom Dusty-blocked you, I'm not down with that" and walks out. 

Are we really not going to see any of this film festival? No fair ...

Preview Time: No Nuke. But looks like there will be some shirtless Dusty, which is never a bad thing. 

2:49PM EDT: Meg just caught Paul talking to himself. Heh. 

Gilded Lily barges in on Lady D and Wheats's shooter party and attacks Drumstick for sending a gay to do an overbearing matron's job. She tells her she doesn't want to see her anymore and she'll never see the grandkids again (except for Luke, who's an adult). Ouch! Well, considering Lily and Holden's parenting skills there's no telling how long any of them will last anyway...

2:38PM EDT: James leaves all of his money to Dusty. Sorry, Paul! Meanwhile, Lady Drumstick and Wheatables are slamming back booze in the conference room and Wheats casually notes, "you are a controlling bitch." Oh, you romantic schemer, you!

Luke tries to tell Lily why Lady D did what she did regarding Dusty, but Lily is still resistant to forgiving her. Both Holden and Luke say they're behind her whatever she decides. Suddenly she's all "oh sorry, I have to go!" and she darts out the door. WTF? What, did she just remember she left the kids on a downtown bus or something?

Moneyblahblahinheritanceblahrightfullymineblah.

2:25PM EDT: Oh, by the way, Buckshot Dusty and Ice Truck Killer are scrapping at the reading of James's will, and Gilded Lily is telling Holden that she'd like to see Lady D fall on her ass for once. Is this a Very Special Mother's Day episode?

Meanwhile, Lady D catches up with Luke and Wheatables in a very drab-looking boardroom and Lady D asks Luke to talk to Lily for her. Luke says he will, and he coldly asks Wheats to "reschedule that conference call". After Luke leaves Lady D starts rifling through the credenza for booze. Atta girl!

James's video will ... okay, has anyone ever actually seen a video will? Do they even exist outside of episodes of Murder She Wrote and soap operas? Either our back-from-the-dead COLT man or Prince Valium will be walking away with the entire fortune...

2:17PM EDT: Luke drops some science on Wheatables, asking why it matters that it's a gay festival. Ouch, when he snaps, "It's a film festival, Brian" it actually scares me a little. Should I be concerned that the writers are taking out their frustrations on a character with my name? Let me get my tinfoil hat...

Luke asks Brian why he can't just say the word "gay" and admit that he has an issue with gay people ... and Wheats turns around and asks why Luke has to make everything about his being gay. He says that if being gay is the greatest hardship Luke has to face, he's got it was better than the rest of us.

He leaves and Luke fumes to Noah, saying that there's nothing wrong with passing out fliers at the fest, and Noah counters that there is a lot more to him than his being gay. He says that he's cute and smart and all that ... and Luke points out that his being gay certainly helps with the fact that he's his boyfriend.  

The boys kiss and Luke settles it, saying that he's Lady Drumstick's grandson, which means he'll be passing out those fliers whether Wheatabullsh*t wants him to or not.

Churrrrrrch! 

2:12PM EDT: Okay, I love that there's so little going on with these characters that all we have to talk about is Luke's hair anymore. (Thanks, Ed!) So just one more note: take a look at Luke's new 'do and our beloved Half-Transformed Werewolf, Paulo from Shear Genius:

Just sayin'.

2:05PM EDT: Coif-Me-Sexy Luke and Noah are in the farm kitchen making sammiches when Brian "Wheatables" Wheatley comes in with fliers for the Luke Snyder Foundation for Kids that Don't Read Good. Luke and Noah get all excited about the "reading materials", as they've booked a table at Oakdale U's film festival and these would be perfect promotion. Luke and Noah rhapsodize about concessions and opening night parties until Wheatables asks what "kind" of film festival it is and Luke tells him that it's a Gay film fest, leading Wheats to suggest that maybe promoting the festival isn't targeting the "right kind of donors" after all.

Oh, really? You mean the "kind of donors" who will likely land high-paying jobs in growth industries and have dual incomes with no children and excess disposable income? Yeah, you're probably right.

Meanwhile Lady Drumstick barges into the Lily Pad without warning, Buckshot Dusty is hanging out with his shirt hanging open, and Ice Truck Killer is having more hallucinations about his dad. Wait, did I already make a Hamlet reference? K, just checkin'.

1:58PM EDT: Wait, before we get to Oakdale's Tribute to Fassbinder, can we discuss The Bold and the Botoxed for just a second? Why can't Oakdale get a batguano crazy lady like this chica who covered old RaftLips in honey and loosed a bear on her and is now literally hiding behind her drapes (what is this, Hamlet?!) and threatening to kill her? This is AWESOME.