Best. Gay. Week. Ever. (March 2, 2007)

LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE GIRL(S)
If Brokeback Mountain made last year's Oscars the Gayest Ones Ever (not to mention Most Infuriating, due to Brokeback's ultimate loss to Crash), this year was the “lesbian” edition, thanks, in part, to host Ellen DeGeneres. Not all the reviews of Ellen's gig have been positive which, frankly, baffles me. I thought she was warm, funny, and engaging. You know: Ellen. I'm glad she didn't try to do a Billy Crystal montage or come up with some other wacky bit, but just did her job and moved things along.

I think lesbians (and gay men, too) would have been happy just having an openly gay person host the awards, but we also got to see Ellen's girlfriend, Portia De Rossi, not to mention Melissa Etheridge performing and snagging an Oscar for Best Song. As if that wasn't enough, one billion (give or take) people saw Melissa smooch Tammy Lynn Michaels and then thank her wife from the stage. And Melissa wasn't the only lesbian dreaming of clutching a naked little golden man that night. Patricia Field, costumer designer for The Devil Wears Prada, was also nominated for an Oscar. If you can't picture her, she wore a fire engine red strapless dress and hair to match. Let's just say the lady isn't afraid to stand out in a crowd! See it for yourself in AfterEllen.com's lesbians at the Oscars slideshow.

JUST CROWN THE DRAG QUEEN AND LET'S CALL IT A NIGHT
Monday night after I finished watching The Amazing Race: All Stars, I flipped over and caught a new episode of Gay, Straight, or Taken, then watched my backlog of The Apprentice: LA. After that, I double-checked my Tivo to make sure I'd set it to record America's Next Top Model, Survivor, American Idol, and The Real World. But it seemed like something was missing from life (and television) and I thought to myself, Darn it! What TV needs is more reality television programming!

Well, thank heavens ABC heard my lament and announced their new show, The Next Best Thing: Who is the Greatest Celebrity Entertainer! That's right: this summer ABC is basically taking that reliable chestnut from gay bars around the country -- celebrity look-alike drag shows -- and turning it into a nationally televised contest between “Dolly,” “Madonna,” “ Cher,” and a bunch of fat Elvis impersonators from Vegas.

You just know this thing has to skew toward the drag queens. I mean how many really good Brad Pitt impersonators are out there? And what would a Pitt impersonator do anyway? Make his lips pouty and adopt some kids? I checked out the approved list of songs and sure enough, we've got music by Madonna, Cher, Barbra, Liza with a z, and even Britney Spears. So come on all you drag queens! Tuck away your naughty bits, glitter up those eyes, strap on those high heels, and show America that we're not all like John Amaechi! If you really are interested, go here for guidelines.

SO, MICHAEL, WHAT'S UP WITH THE SOAPS?
Why I am so glad you asked! I've had readers emailing me all week with tips about the various queer happenings on a number of shows. When not retching, er, watching all that reality television, I have been keeping an eye on CBS' As the World Turns for the return of Luke. CBS reps promise that Luke will find love, or at least a boyfriend, this spring. We've seen little of Luke or the promised boyfriend thus far, but AE reader Joseph tipped me off that Luke does return soon. It turns out Luke has heard about ABC's The Next Best Thing and does a killer "Over the Rainbow" as Judy Garland.

Okay, that's not true, but it does seem as if the show only gives Luke something to do when it's gay-related. Case-in-point, ***SPOILER ALERT*** the week of March 12th, Luke reportedly loses a school prize due to a teacher's homophobia. Luke's formerly homophobic cousin Brad steps in and confronts the teacher. Don't get me wrong: Yay to ABC for continuing to deal with homophobia, but I wish Luke were interwoven more into other storylines. I know it might come as a shock to the show's writers, but my being gay only takes up 90 to 95% of my life. That leaves a whole 5 to 10% devoted to things other than impersonating Barbra Streisand!

NBC's Passions, on the other hand, is continuing to explore their gay storyline. According to an AfterElton reader, the closeted Chad (Charles Divins) has tried to cover up his homosexuality with his own homophobia, but things haven't worked out so well. This past week things got even worse when his secret gay lover was revealed to be Vincent, a tabloid reporter who tried to blackmail Chad with an X-rated DVD.

Hmm, suddenly Luke's storyline doesn't look so bad, does it? If you're curious to catch an episode of Passions yourself, NBC is streaming this week's episodes here.

ABC is doing something interesting with their transgender storyline on All My Children which centers on Zoe (Jeffrey Carlson). On March 9th, a group of transgender actors and actresses will play themselves as part of a support group. The unscripted scene will allow the actors and actresses to discuss their real stories. Even better, the group is hosted by Jennifer Boylan, a transgender author, professor and activist. You go, ABC!

For fans of BBC America's nighttime sudser In the City, I've got bad news, which I reported yesterday on our blog. In the City is Out the Door. BBCA canceled it after only five episodes due to poor ratings. Judging from some of the comments I received, I don't know how many folks will be heartbroken. But at least one reader is annoyed that BBCA keeps introducing series and then yanking them off. Such has happened recently with two other gay-friendly shows, Shameless and Teachers. Shame on the Brits for being such teases! Of course, when a nation is ruled by a hussy like Queen Elizabeth, what else should we expect?