"Southland" 402: "Grambo Ain't No Joke!"

Hey kids? Can you come in here a minute? Southland and I need to talk to you.

We know you guys really miss Steven Frank. We miss him too. But Steven has a family of his own to look after and other responsibilities, so he isn't able to recap Southland any more. Now this doesn't mean he doesn't miss you or that he loves you any less.

With Steven stepping back, AfterElton has asked me to step in. I know I won't be able to fill Steven's tremendous shoes but I hope I can do the show and its fans good enough service.

In last week's season 4 premiere we were introduced to two new regulars: Officer Jessica Tang (Lucy Liu), Officer John “Cuddlybear” Cooper's new partner who was tasked with evaluating his street readiness following his back surgery (and who had her own demon to overcome in the form of a damning online video of her being manhandled by an enormous suspect). She chose him to ride with her because she heard he wouldn't hit on her, which may or may not indicate she knows he's gay; and Detective-in-training Reuben “Snoozefest” Robinson (Dorian Missick), the latest and least interesting in a string of partners for Detective Lydia Adams. Also debuting in a spectacular cameo was Sammy Bryant's bare behind.

Tonight's episode starts with Sammy and Ben “Rookieboy” Sherman rolling up on an impromptu dance party in a parking lot. They move to break it up at the owner's behest and a schoolgirl starts getting lippy with Sherman. She lays hands on him and Sherman moves to put her in the back of the squad car. Another mouthy schoolgirl starts hassling him and finally spits in his face. Freeze.

Ominous voiceover: “Cops routinely find themselves under water. The best manage to keep their heads above the surface. But even for a strong swimmer like Officer Ben Sherman, the undertow can be tricky. Yeah, I don't know what it means either, because how can they be both under water and have their heads above the surface at the same time? My metaphors need work.”

Flashback 22 hours to a pool party at Sammy's which is important mostly because Sherman is hanging out poolside with his shirt off. He wanders off with a badge bunny while some random who according to IMDb is called Officer Jones waxes philosophic to Sammy about how white boys get the hottest trim.

On the streets the next day Tang, Cooper and Dewey check out a handbag complete with hand still attached. Lydia and Snoozefest roll up. Lydia digs out the ID for one Meredith Williams and tasks Tang and Cooper to notify next of kin.

Sherman arrives at the station, which is still showing the damage of last week's shootout, for roll call with the new captain, one Captain Rucker, who is played by Carl Lumbly. Who. Is. Awesome. A female officer whose name sounds like “Annawalt” asks why he's handing out McDonald's applications. He speechifies on his philosophy of community policing and winds up with a warning that with each screwup an officer will fill out another line on the Micky-D's application.

Lydia and Snoozefest ring a doorbell and a moppet answers and calls for his mom. The detectives ask if she owns a silver Ford Escape. She does, and it's in the garage (the floor of which has bloody tire tracks on it). Lydia checks under the car and spots Mrs. Williams' face staring lifelessly out of a wheel well. Cut to officers leading one “Mr. Davis” away in cuffs as he explains that after having a few drinks to celebrate getting a new job he thought he hit a coyote. Shortly we catch up with Cooper and Tang at the Williams residence. Cooper points out that Mary Pickford used to live there and Tang's never heard of her. They notify Mr. Williams, who bursts out laughing while his butler shouts “La Bruja esta muerta!” (“The Witch is dead”) So...that's that story, I guess?