Morning Meme: Bette Midler's Understudy, Reading Subtext on "Baseball Friends," and Previewing "The Dark Knight Rises"

When I read that Bette Midler had to drop out of the Phil Spector biopic on HBO due to a back problem, I wondered just who, exactly, do you replace Bette Midler with? She is quite unique. Today I got my answer – Helen Mirren is the equivalent to Bette Midler according to Hollywood logic.

Well, this is awkward. I count David Badash as a friend, and my inability to get along online with Dan Savage is fairly well documented. So to find myself agreeing with Savage over David, well, it's strange. But I don't think it's fair, practical, or true to marriage itself, much less gay history, to insist that Savage drop his personal choice and professional opinion that monogamy is optional in a marriage, just because he's a figurehead. I get very uncomfortable when someone suggests we go Stepford to get ahead.

You can download your very own Thundercats ringtone for free. I know I have.

Universal studios has pulled the piggy bank for the ambitious TV/film adaptation of Stephen King's The Dark Tower. Ron Howard is reportedly shopping the project to other backers.

The Department of Justice filed a larger brief arguing that Don't Ask, Don't Tell's repeal is best left to the executive branch, which is just speeding along to conclusion, they promise! And they promise not to kick anyone out that isn't positively just asking for it!

Before Andrew Garfield was a star thanks to The Social Network and The Amazing Spider-Man, he got pulled out the audience and went on a date with Kristen Schaal, who now wishes she'd given it a bigger effort.

Borders has filed for liquidation. The giant bookseller is closing all its stores and liquidating inventory while laying off over 10,000 employees. I suddenly feels guilty about those Kindle books on my iPad.

Colin Hanks, who voiced Vanity Smurf on Robot Chicken, is angry the little guy who may be a little light in the loafers isn't part of the big screen film. He demands the right to play Vanity in the inevitable sequel as well.

Emma Watson is set to star as Belle in yet another adaptation of Beauty and the Beast. And now that damn song is stuck in my head.

Sean Hoare, the original whistleblower in the News of the World scandal rocking the media world, has been found dead. Police are currently calling the reporter's death "unexplained."

The Senate has made history by confirming the first openly gay male to the federal bench. J. Paul Oetken was confirmed 80-13 for the Southern District of New York.

Charlie Sheen has confirmed a sitcom based around the movie Anger Management with Lionsgate and Debmar-Mercury. There's no network attached to air it, so it may never happen (how do you insure him at this point?), but Debmar-Mercury produces oddly structured sitcom deals like House of Payne and Meet the Browns in which the stars assume a lot of the risk, but also get big payouts if it works.

A bunch of Belgian newspapers sued Google for not paying them for linking to their news. Google lost, paid up, and quit linking to their news. Now they're calling it "harsh retaliation" that Google doesn't include them in search results.

Would you eat human-derived gelatin?

Ricky Gervais is working on a new show called Afterlife about an atheist who dies and gets sent to heaven. Awkward!