Morning Meme: Kevin Keller Ties the Knot, Anderson Cooper Is Rigid, and the Fox News Dr. Ablow Smackdown!

As we reported months ago, Kevin Keller is being integrated into all the Archie titles, including Life With Archie, which imagines the kids of Riverdale High as adults. And in an upcoming edition (February, I believe), Kevin Keller will return home to Riverdale a war hero, just like his dad, and marry the man of his dreams. Fox News is losing their minds, and lined up their standard chorus of folks like Peter Spriggs of the Family Research Council for quotes like this:  "I think whatever boost in sales might come from the novelty or curiosity factors will be more than offset by the number of both kids and parents who will be turned off by this storyline and its obvious social and political agenda."

In news that shocks even me, House Republicans are planning to hold up money for disaster aid for hurricane victims and the like unless they get spending cuts to offset the costs. That's right folks, you lost everything, even your town, and they want to balance the checkbook first.

Steven Spielberg says that he regrets caving to pressure and altering E.T., and replacing guns with things like walkie talkies. He gets that he ruined childhood memories for millions. Now if he'd just talk to George Lucas.

Alan Cumming is up for an Emmy. And he's so terrified of the speech that he almost doesn't want to win. Almost. He has a point, "There is no rehearsal, you have to write the script, you're not in a good state physically or mentally when it happens." Don't miss the video at the end of the post.

Moby has alluded to not being particularly well endowed many times. But now he's putting his money where his jockstrap is, and plans on directing a hardcore adult film with guys of average-or-less endowments. "I’ve never understood why porn made for men often stars studly guys with enormous, you know? Surely that’s intimidating to most guys watching? My porn flick would exclusively feature men with normal-to-titchy-sized penises in order to make viewers feel better." Question: have you ever been intimidated watched a film and felt inadequate? Because I don’t think I have – my mind is elsewhere.

The American Academy of Pediatrics wants the world to know that Rep. Michele Bachmann is wrong, and the HPV vaccine cannot cause you to suffer "mental retardation." In fact, they want you to know "There is absolutely no scientific validity to this statement." Sadly, most Bachmann supporters consider things with "no scientific validity" to be the best things.

On Raising Hope this year we get to meet Burt's parents, and they're going to be played by Lee Majors and Shirley Jones. They have to manage a musical number!

If someone in my readership was actually worried that Real Housewives of DC Michaele Salahi had been kidnapped, first, we can't be friends anymore. This just isn't going to work. Second, she's in Memphis boning Journey's Neal Schon instead of her worried husband.

Belgian pro soccer player Jonathan De Falco now has a boyfriend, and is doing gay adult films. I'd be impressed if he was still on the team.

Facebook has decided to delay their IPO until late 2012 in hopes that the economy will improve. There seems to be a concern that with more people that ever living in poverty, they might not be able to score a record-breaking $100 billion+ IPO.

I really would like to find time to buy a copy of Exit Through the Wound by North Morgan, aka London Preppy. I followed the blog for years, and found the style quite interesting. I'm not sure how it translates to a full novel, but isn't that part of the adventure? His exceptionally good looking launch party pictures at the link.

Amber Riley says that we'll be seeing a different Mercedes this year on Glee, more feminine, more girlie now that she has a boyfriend. As for the Samcedes issue? It will be addressed.