Monkey Uncaged: Would You Pose Naked in "Playgirl" for $500,000?

This week! With the news that Make Me a Supermodel's Ronnie Kroell is baring all for Playgirl, we ask: would you?

A Note from the Flying Monkey: Of the many emails I receive every week for my column, some are so good that they simply can’t be answered in just a few words. So from time to time, the editors have decided to let me out of the “cage” of that regular column, in a feature we’re calling Monkey Uncaged!

Q: If you were a celebrity, would you pose naked for $500,000? – Magpie, Toronto, Canada

A: What do you mean if I was a celebrity?! I’ll have you know that I was recognized by someone on the street the other day! Granted, it was a classmate from grade school, but still.

It’s a great question, though, what with the news that out Make Me a Supermodel contestant Ronnie Kroell has agreed to appear naked in the June issue of Playgirl (and with the further news that not only is he showing the full Monty, he’s showing the really full Monty, if you know what I mean).

This comes alongside the news that Playgirl had offered Jesse James $500,000 to drop trou for the magazine. Overtures were supposedly also made to Jon Gosselin (although they supposedly only offered him a humiliating $20,000).

And, of course, Brother Big 10 contestant Steven Daigle recently released a full-fledged gay adult film.

It seems that ex-would-be-second-couple-son-in-law Levi Johnson started a trend in celebrity male nudity when he appeared semi-naked in Playgirl last fall (for a reported $100,000).

Would I do it? Assuming anyone would ask (which is a big assumption – hey, this is a thought experiment, all right?!), I’d never do adult movies, no matter how much was offered. All my grandparents are dead, but there’s still my aunt the Catholic nun to think about.

The greater point is that all the people I know who have done adult entertainment, well, I think even they’d say that it changed them, in ways that I don’t want to be changed.

A magazine spread is a different question. Not to be sex-negative, but it seems "classier." And while it’s easy to say, “No way!” $500,000 is a lot of money. Almost "retire-tomorrow-and-never-work-again" money.

The fact that I’m even pondering this question reminds me of the old joke:

Person One: “Would you have sex with an ugly stranger for ten million dollars?”

Person Two: “Ten million dollars? Well, I guess I would.”

Person One: “Would you have sex with an ugly stranger for $25?”

Person Two: “No way! What do you think I am, a whore?”

Person One: “Oh, we’ve already established you’re a whore. Now we’re just haggling over the price.”

The fact is, if I were me, not a celebrity, I'd absolutely pose in Playgirl for $500,000, Catholic nun aunt be damned!

But if I were a celebrity – even a famous-for-being-on-a-reality-show-celebrity like Ronnie Kroell – the answer isn’t quite so clear.

I actually ran into Kroell at a party a few weeks ago – how’s that for name-dropping? He’s very handsome in real life, BTW.

Anyway, we talked about the photo-shoot. He was quite enthusiastic – I got the impression he feels he’s got something to be proud of – and indicated that he thinks this could lead to bigger and brighter things, jump-starting his career.

I’m skeptical. If the last decade has taught us anything, it’s that when a celebrity crosses the "posing nude" Rubicon, it puts him or her in a different category of celebrity: in the eyes of casting directors and recording executives, he or she becomes The Celebrity Who Was Willing to Pose Naked.

The perception is that whatever the celebrity was selling before – CDs, acting ability, whatever – people were no longer buying it. And since "celebrity" is entirely about perception, this is not a good place to be.

It is different for someone like Kroell who is famous not for a particular talent, but for his "supermodel" looks? I hope so. He seemed like a nice guy.

And it's definitely true that mores are changing fast, especially as the ranks of "celebrity" are swelled by former reality show contestants. Prediction: we're going to see many more reality show participants posing nude in the years ahead, but I'm telling you right now, I'll be absolutely crushed if sweet, adorable, open-faced Mike Manning from The Real World: D.C. ever does it. I'm not saying I won't look at the pictures, but I'll still be crushed.

Many more women than men have done it, but when I look at the names of those "legit" celebrities who have posed after becoming famous (not as a result of pre-fame naked photos surfacing), I don’t see any examples of it jump-starting their careers: Tiffany, Carnie Wilson, Belinda Carlisle, Charisma Carpenter, Debbie Gibson.

On the contrary, that was pretty much the last we heard of these folks.

The truth is, if I was a non-model celebrity, I wouldn’t pose naked, not for $500,000, not unless I was certain my career was basically over, and I figured I wanted one more shot at cashing in.

But that's just me. What about you?

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