At The Movies: Surprise! I’m Gay!

Cat’s out of the bag: One of the film’s most moving moments comes at Gareth’s funeral when Matthew delivers a heartfelt eulogy, capped off by one of gay poet W.H. Auden’s “Twelve Songs.” (It’s the ninth one, which starts “Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone/Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone.”) Hannah’s reading of the poem is so good it’s featured on the film’s soundtrack CD.

From left to right: Simon Callow, John Hannah & Charlotte Coleman

Bold or Blah?: The gay characters are lovely, but it can be argued that the movie totally back-burners them. The fact that their coupledom is barely acknowledged until one of them dies feels like a know-nothing slight.

How surprising?: One Monkey

The Full Monty (1997)

Surprise gay reveal: On-the-dole laborers Guy (Hugo Speer) and Lomper (Steve Huison)

What’s the story: A group of unemployed steel workers in the north of England note the huge popularity of the visiting Chippendales troupe of dancers and decide that they could earn even more money by going “the full monty” and stripping down all the way. (G-strings are for wimps, you know.)

Cat’s out of the bag: The characters of Guy and Lomper mostly keep to themselves, but when the two are seen holding hands at a funeral, their fellow would-be strippers finally figure it out. Dave (Mark Addy) finally shrugs it off with the old adage, “There’s naught so queer as folk.”

Steve Huison (left) & Hugo Speer

Bold or Blah?: Given that The Full Monty is already about rough blue-collar types who have to discover their inner ecdysiasts, this is a movie willing to explore gender roles. But to have tough manly-men workers turn out to be gay — and to have their tough manly-men peers be nonchalant about it — rates as quite bold indeed.

How surprising?: Four Monkeys

The X Files: I Want to Believe (2008)

Surprise gay reveal: Abductors Franz Tomczeszyn (Fagin Woodcock) and Janke Dacyshyn (Callum Keith Rennie)

What’s the story: Former FBI agents Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) and Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson) are called back on assignment to help track down a missing agent. Clues indicate she’s one of several women who have disappeared in a similar fashion, and a disgraced pedophile priest (Billy Connolly) seems to be having visions that may or may not lead the feds to the killer.

Cat’s out of the bag: “Guess who got married in Massachusetts?” says one agent about two likely suspects: Franz, it turns out had been doing stem cell research on living human beings, and when disease began ravaging his body, his husband Janke started snatching people with a similar blood type in the hopes of grafting Franz’s head onto a new, healthy torso. Why a gay man would want to give his fella a new lady-body is never quite explained.

From left to right: David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Callum Keith Rennie

Bold or Blah?: Oh look, crazed gay killers/mad scientists. How fresh and new. What’s that, one of them was also a child sexual abuse victim at the hands of the perverted priest? So much the better. And while it’s certainly despicable, there’s a freakish entertainment value to be experienced when a movie made in 2008 is this bonkers.

How surprising?: - 1.5 Monkeys