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Review of "Kiss the Bride"The biggest failing of Bride is in that nothing that happens feels remotely organic. It’s one of those movies where a character’s actions will have you asking, “Why would he do that?!” in pretty much every scene. And the answer to that question, every time, is: “Because the script required him to.” For example, why would Matthew pretend to be a stripper at Alex’s bachelorette party? No reason, other than to get his shirt off. Why would Matthew, after deciding that Ryan and Alex really belong together, make out with her? He’s not bisexual, and doesn't even seem particularly fond of women. Nope, no reason other than that someone apparently thought it would be funny or shocking or interesting, when in reality, it’s these convoluted plot contrivances and erratic character choices that turn would could have been a frothy comedy into a confused, unsatisfying jumble. Aside from problems with script, the movie’s competent enough. Karner is more likeable that he probably should be, and O’Shea and Spelling play the blandly likable couple with enough blandness and likability to make us worried enough that they might get split up. And despite the fact that Matthew’s intentions are muddy and the lead-up to the final “Will they or won’t they?” moment is pretty contrived, I did at least want to know if they were going to tie the knot or call it off.
Joanna Cassidy, Amber Benson
Despite having infinitely more complicated characters, Joanna Cassidy and Amber Benson are wasted as Alex’s mother and sister, respectively (Benson’s caustic character was left at the altar a year before … now that’s the movie I’d rather be watching). Tess Harper turns in a nice supporting performance as Ryan’s doting mom, whose own relationship woes with her drunk ex-husband come to a head as the wedding approaches. Her obvious affection for her son’s first gay lover is one of the truly authentic emotional elements the movie has to offer. And yes, there is ample beefcake on display, as there seems to be in pretty much any gay movie these days (funny, I don’t remember any nudity in My Best Friend’s Wedding…). Karner and O’Shea are very attractive guys, of course, but the “flashback” scene of their first teenaged sexual encounter (despite the actors being about 30) plays like something out of a Falcon video.
O'Shea, Karner
Kiss the Bride overall just doesn’t gel. It trashes the idea of marriage for straights or gays (the opening scene’s prolonged gag is about how lame gay wedding invitations are) but then sells the idea that commitment is what really matters. Wait, isn’t that what a wedding is all about? It’s not like the mechanics of planning a wedding were the big obstacle for this couple, so I really don’t see the distinction. Likewise, Matthew's own emotional journey feels about as extensive as a trip from the couch to the kitchen. You don't get the sense that he actually learned anything, and his sole moment of breakthrough is told in such a bizarre way (the ghosts of boyfriends past on stripper poles ... no joke) that it's more laughable than touching. As the cake flies in the opening scene, Matthew drops the film’s rather off-putting first line: “You know the best thing about sucking c*ck? I doesn’t taste like wedding cake.” Well, first, I’d disagree. But second, sure – we all know wedding cake sucks, but we are happy to eat it because it celebrates a couple’s love. Kiss the Bride is more content to bitch about it, and no one likes a wedding crasher. Submitted by on Thu, 2008-04-17 21:52. |
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This movie sounds like a load of crap
From what I've gleaned from this and other reviews of "Kiss the Bride," it sounds like a case of gay filmmakers deperately wanting to go mainstream, get more attention, and make the big bucks. I remember the guy behind "Queer as Folk" in England came out with "Bob and Rose" -- an essentially (unhappily) gay man winds up in a straight life with a straight woman -- and it not only confounded the gay audience but straights didn't go for it either. I can't imagine what the audience is for "Kiss the Bride." I don't know if there's a wedding at the end or not, but it doesn't sound as if the two guys get together. Even "Chuck and Larry" with its straight protagonists only pretending to be gay, had a gay wedding at the end! Why should a gay audience flock to see a film in which, apparently, the guy winds up in a hetero relationship just like in a zillion straight romantic comedies? (I don't know why reviewers aren't more forthcoming with the details of the ending -- do they imagine that people are going to rush out to see this? The presence of Tori Spelling alone should alert everyone to what a stinker it must be!)
As for this fashionable "sexual fluidity" business. Well, I didn't come out until after college (although I was always gay), but if I had messed around in highschool with some guy -- while I wouldn't have crashed his wedding years later -- I certainly wouldn't think that the guy who sucked my dick was totally straight a few years later?! It makes perfect sense for a gay man to experiment with women in youth because the big wide Hetero world pretty much pressures him to do so, but there is no corresponding pressure for (legitimately) straight guys to sample gay sex. Even these days there are people who are in denial over their homosexuality, not heterosexuality. I've always been confused why this simple fact isn't more easily grasped by people, especially gay people who should know better.
Frankly, a film in which a gay man tries to prevent another gay man from marrying (due to internalized homophobia -- the down low and ex-gay movement, anyone?), ruining his life and the life of an unsuspecting woman, and trying to get him to accept his gay sexuality, might have made a powerful film instead of what sounds like a trendy sitcom -- in which the term "internalized homophobia" is probably never employed. The straight or bi aspects of the film were undoubtedly inserted to make the film more "straight"-friendly, NOT gay-friendly.
Anyway, I hope someone will tell me exactly how this picture winds up -- I assume the two men don't wind up together -- because I sure as hell am not going to spend 12 or 15 bucks on a Tori Spelling movie to find out.
Spoilers
Not that bad
I'd have to agree, Brian.
When I first read your comment re: the taste of c*ck vs the taste of wedding cake, I thought, "Yes, it is." Not a big fan of the taste of standard wedding cake, though I like cake in general if it's well made with good ingredients. And then I realized, "Wait a second. He is right. The best thing about sucking c*ck isn't that it doesn't taste like w*dd*ng c*ke -- the best thing is that it tastes like c*ck." (Whether you get the creamy filling at the end or not.) And that it's a c*ck. (Kinsey 6, anyone?)
In terms of the movie as a whole, I didn't mind it as much as you did. I liked the Tori Spelling character and the Jane Cho character -- funny how the supporting characters made the movie more interesting to me so the lead characters could be as bland as possible. And I appreciated the fact that Steve Sandvoss played a totally different character from his Aaron Davis character in Latter Days -- I didn't even recognize him for a while, and I was looking for him. I'm wondering if the Best Friend's Wedding references helped the movie's likability factor for me, because I liked that movie -- so those references gave me a positive sense memory.
Your comments about crashing a friend's wedding made me think back to a few friends whose weddings should have been crashed -- maybe it's the era and circumstances I grew up in, but the fooling around I did with friends happened because we were so closeted. (Iowa, small farm town, fundamentalist, 1970s.) Luckily, I escaped with my marital status (single) intact, but my friends were not so lucky. They're all either divorced or down low. So crashing those weddings -- or waving my magic wand and ushering in 2008 a few decades early -- might not have been a bad idea.
Kiss The Bride
I also somewhat enjoyed the film as light fluff material. I agree with you about Steve Sandvoss - I didn't recognize him either. He was really good in a small role. Like you, I also enjoyed the performances of Tori Spelling and Jane Cho.
I finally watched it.