Review: "Green Lantern" Fails the "Fun" Test

The problem with the new superhero movie Green Lantern is that it fails the "fun" test.

First and foremost, a superhero movie should be fun, right? But this movie just isn't.

So I'm going to make a recommendation, and I strongly advise you to follow it. Resist the urge to go see Green Lantern, and instead go watch this YouTube video about the superhero Laser Fart (NSFW). It does pass the "fun" test.

Hey, I just saved you nine bucks!

So why isn't Green Lantern "fun"?

Part of it is that we've seen it all before.

Boy, have we seen it all before: the cocky hero who is full of bravado but secretly insecure, the pining female who gives the "buck up!" speech mid-way through the movie and must be rescued in the third act, the crazy mad scientist nursing a grudge against the non-nerdy, supposedly-brilliant mentors who are incredibly impressed when the hero spouts a treacly truism, and the climatic ending where the hero remembers a piece of off-hand information from earlier in the movie and uses it to defeat the villain (oops! Spoiler alert!).

But the tone of the movie is wrong too.

Some superhero movies are much more than fun — they're actually good movies. Superhero movies can be thoughtful and provocative (like Watchmen or V For Vendetta or the X-Men movies); they can be earnest, but smart (like Spider-Man or The Dark Knight); they can be ironic and self-aware (like Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, which I still didn't like); and they can be intentionally or unintentionally campy (like Batman & Robin or Catwoman).

This movie isn't any of these things. It's just by-the-numbers boring.

Which is weird, because Green Lantern, the story, has a lot of potential.

True, it has an incredibly hokey, and very, very simplistic, origin story: an outwardly cocky but secretly insecure man is "chosen" by a mystical ring to become part of a group of intergalactic peacekeepers who fly around the universe wielding the strongest power in the universe, their own "will," to defeat the second-most powerful force, "fear."

No, seriously. But hey, the comic book first appeared in the 1940s. Irony hadn't been invented yet.

Such a silly story was just begging for some great reframing/rebooting device, whether it was some kind of ironic riff (like The Incredibles or Megamind) or loving retro homage (like Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Batman at his best, or last week's Super 8).

Instead, they play it totally straight, never acknowledging the silliness or simplicity, just expecting 2011 audiences to buy it all.

It's like watching one of those old movie serials from the 1930s, but with state-of-the-art CGI (which is impressive at times: Ryan Reynolds, who plays the Green Lantern, has a suit that seems to be entirely computer-generated. He also appears in tighty-whities and later in sleep slacks that are even more impressive).

The movie has a bunch of great actors who are either wasted in blink-and-you-miss-em roles (Tim Robbins, Angela Bassett) or in silly, hammy performances (Peter Sarsgaard).

The movie was also written (and produced) by out writer-producer Greg Berlanti (Brothers & Sisters, No Ordinary Family) who is clearly trying to do too much these days. Greg, take a couple months off, okay?

Green Lantern is a bad movie. Don't see it. Go watch Laser Fart instead (NSFW).

You'll thank me, really.