What Will Hollywood and Daniel Day Lewis Make of Lincoln?

In case you hadn't heard, Steven Spielberg has cast Academy Award winner Daniel Day-Lewis in Tony Kushner’s screen adaptation of Doris Kearns Goodwin’s Lincoln biography Team of Rivals.

It seems like Hollywood is suddenly exploding with Lincoln projects, including the upcoming Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, which might be a work of fiction, I'm not sure.

One thing I am sure of: History tells us that the original Log Cabin Republican roomed and slept with a male partner for years and frequently slept with male soldiers while on presidential retreat. 

Spielberg’s Lincoln will probably sidestep these accepted facts when it comes to the nation’s 16th president. I hope though, that he’ll consider including his trademark sentimental flourishes – like a John Williams score. Or maybe Lincoln leaving a trail of Reese’s Pieces on the way to deliver his Gettysburg Address?

No? Then perhaps Spielberg should step back from this project and let someone else take the helm. Here's a list of other prominent filmmakers, and what they might make of a Lincoln biopic.

• Michael Bay presents Emancipate This! With Shia LaBeouf as Lincoln, whatever model Bay is banging as Mary Todd Lincoln, and Will Smith as a time-traveling Dred Scott.
• In Aaron Sorkin’s film, we'll see Lincoln and his cabinet walking and talking at high speed through the halls of the White House. Oh, wait, he’s already done that.
• When Oliver Stone announces that his screenplay will be a searing expose of a conspiracy to kill Lincoln, he'll be told that there actually was a conspiracy to kill Lincoln... and he'll promptly lose interest in the project.
• Garry Marshall’s screenplay will be sure and include a role for Hector Elizondo.
• Midnight in Paris' Woody Allen's script would substitute the Seine for the Potomac and give Lincoln a grossly younger love interest.
• J. Edgar screenwriter Dustin Lance Black’s treatment? Lincoln would not be gay.