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DETAILS asks: Would You Really Be Okay With a Gay Kid?Even though I've been around long enough to expect that DETAILS is not a magazine to read if I am looking for anything that reflects "gay" in a positive/fun light, the linked article caught me off guard and left me feeling a little lousy. At first it sounds all progressive and in your face, but ultimately seems to be saying deep down EVERYONE would hate to have a gay son. http://men.style.com/details/blogs/details/2008/03/would-you-reall.html#comments Some may read the article and think that I am making much ado about nothing. Some might even see something different entirely as it does not look like a smear job. It say something to the effect that conservative Republicans may have an easier time coping with the horrors of homosexual children than raving liberals due to some type of family values mentality winning out. While I may be getting carried away, part of me is deeply offended that this article can get written without people saying that it's not ok or useful to ask that question. If the word gay were replaced by a color, gender, or almost anything under the sun, the article would never see the light of day. Since part of my job is to document what the mainstream media says about gay issues, I can't overlook DETAILS; but unless I missed a few issues, I've not heard of the magazine publishing articles asking whether children (gay, bi , straight, ________?) were ok with all the choices their parents make, as the obvious answer is no. I also missed any articles asking whether kids were ok with inheriting a bad heart, a propensity for mental illness, or even frizzy hair. At best the article seems to want to make the case that bad things (like gay kids), happen to good people (like straight parents), so any father who does not admit to being homophobic or seeing gay as a bad thing is being dishonest. DETAILS will hear fromthis gay son.
Submitted by Guillermo Serri... (2949 points) (767 posts) on Mon, 2008-03-24 23:33. |
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That Question-
Should be asked in screening adopting parents. It would probably prepare them better, knowing 'what if.'
Might have made my 'Military Major,' of an adopted dad, consider he might be raising something other than what he expected.
---
"Communication is Key to Understanding..."
"Everyone is Important or All is for Naught..."
~.~.me
Have a Great Day! ^__^*
Interesting point about adoption - Great opportunity for gays!
The author's "You can't handle the truth" mentality would probably advocate not adopting any male child exhibiting non-traditional gender behavior. I would say that it would provide a perfect opportunity for adoption of these children by healthy gay males and single females who might make great parents but may never know that joy. If, as the author alleges, all straight men are such homophobes when it comes to their kids, all future gay males are in for more pain due to their "special needs" like simply being loved for who they are.
The possible sexual orientation of a child should not be treated like a disease anymore than the dentist whose son turns out to be a self-supporting waiter. While there may be a prefence (for more than selfish reasons) for parents to want their kids to be well off and be happy as per their own definitions of what happiness means, I find it harmful for a magazine like DETAILS to now have a document that lets straight men off the hook for their homophobia.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=518130334
DETAILS is confused...
...enough w/o having them bring up gay-light questions/subject matter/topics, like it's a ****ing beer! Remember the Metro-sexual's supposed catalog, oops! I mean, magazine.
My bad...
---
"Communication is Key to Understanding..."
"Everyone is Important or All is for Naught..."
~.~.me
Have a Great Day! ^__^*
perhaps the question will make people think?
"While I may be getting carried away, part of me is deeply offended that this article can get written without people saying that it's not ok or useful to ask that question. If the word gay were replaced by a color, gender, or almost anything under the sun, the article would never see the light of day."
Actually, for me, I would not be offended by those questions. Let's say the question was "Would you be okay if your child was born blind?" That is a legitimate question that all birth parents should ask themselves. They should be prepared that they will have to love and support their child, even if that child will face difficulties in life. By the way, this is not to equate being gay with having a disability. I just used that example, because it's an attribute that a person may be born with, and have no control over.
When this hidden fear is revealed, it can be addressed. Perhaps some straight parents reading this article will recognize their own hidden fears and realise that they need to get over it. I think it was positive that the article had a psychotherapist stating that it's important for parents to simply love their children, and let them be who they are.
What I would criticise about this article is that it should have profiled a example of a dad who has a gay son and is perfectly comfortable and happy with it. Instead of simply pointing out that latent homophobia exists, they should also have shown an alternative role model for a positive approach the situation.
I'm not necessarily defending this particular article. I'm just suggesting that the question itself may important for social liberals to ask themselves. If this is a question that crosses somebody's mind before they have children, then they hopefully will be prepared to react in a positive, loving way, if their child does turn out to be gay.
Edit to add: In some cultures it would be valid to ask if parents are okay with their child being a girl. That doesn't mean that an answer of "no" is okay. But it is important to point out that people are answering "no" to that question and to point out that they should not be doing so.
Everyone has to an American Terrorist like Sally Kern...
... and be fearful of Gays like it is a disease or death plague. When will they realize that the AFA is full of **** and if you are Gay, you are going to be no matter what!
'Cause it is not a choice!
---
"Communication is Key to Understanding..."
"Everyone is Important or All is for Naught..."
~.~.me
Have a Great Day! ^__^*
The Weird World of Parenting
It's pretty common for otherwise normal people to become bizarrely paranoid, and also controlling, when they have kids.
My cousin is utterly obsessed with the potential ramifications of every aspect of her sons' lives, and the oldest is only 8! It's even more true that fathers spend a lot of time trying to live through their sons. This is the classic root cause of the pressure men often put on their sons to succeed at "masculine" endeavors like sports or pursue certain careers. This is why fathers in particular often start to panic at the slightest sign of "effeminate" behavior on the part of sons.
But we need to keep in mind that expectations of what gay life is are still a little difficult for parents. A lot of things in our culture do make it clear that to a large extent a gay child can look forward to a life as a minority who will have to fight for basic rights in society. There is also still a strong subliminal message, not yet erased despite much effort, that homosexuality reflects something that parents did "wrong".
Even more significant, it is also true that gays are less likely to provide grandchildren in general, and biological grandchildren in particular. A lot of people take a great deal of comfort in the notion of being a part of a family line and don't like to see any "dead ends".
My poor mother produced two children. My older sister died some years back and that leaves me, the gay son. I'm in my mid-30's, single and without any relationship prospects on the horizon and frankly highly unlikely to ever have kids, biological or adopted. My mother will probably never be a grandmother. She knows that, and I know it hurts her. My father is inscrutable, so I don't know what his feelings really are, but it may bother him greatly as well. Having had two kids you would have thought they'd had a decent shot at having grandkids as well but it doesn't look like that will happen.
I think that worry lurks in the minds of a lot of parents. Remember that until very recently most visible gays were single bon vivants who didn't really get "married" or have kids. The notion that gay life can end up being very similar to traditional straight life is still something that is only just taking hold in society.
With the paranoia already running high in most parents, these things don't help.
More focused analysis on Detail's article about fathers of gays
I just received the new Details magazine in the mail and I found it interesting that it includes an article on gay fathers. This follows their previous piece on whether straight men would really (italics is added by them not me) be okay with gay kids. This quote is from the latter article:
As you may know, I was not a fan of said article, so I brought it here a while back to share with you. When I post these on the forum, I kind of make up as I go along and enjoy (almost all of ;-) the dialogue generated.
What has surprised me is that you never know who might be reading as a I was asked if would be interested in polishing the bit for publication. The remuneration was minimal, but since the audience was mostly straight/post-gay (I hate that word), it was a nice change of pace.
In case you are still interested in reading it, I've posted it on my baby blog. I am not going to start a new thread as this is truly old business. I mainly wanted all members who may have a passion for writing to share it here via comments to what is written or via pertinent forum posts as it not only ups the ante on the dialogue that we share, but may lead you to experience some cool things with other readers.
Coming attractions: Guillermo's Cultural Guillotine
http://springintoaction.typepad.com/cultural_guillotine/