Homophobia on FM radio? I'd like some advice.

Your discussion of feminine men was, quite frankly, disgusting.  Your assertion that all gay men are feminine was downright false, homophobic and potentially damaging to the gay community.  You can't know many gay people to make a claim like that.  More importantly, you are feeding into stereotypes that are continually used to supress the gay community.  There are actually men within the gay community who disassociate themselves with feminine gay men merely because they don't want to be associated with the stigma attached to feminine gay men.  Also, the stress on "feminine" as something negative bothers me even more. 

I loathe people like Jerry Falwell and extreme right-wingers who spew forth hate and bigotry at every turn.  Comments like yours however are more damaging.  Those men are crackpots.  You said what you said so matter-of-factly.  In a broadcast medium such as yours, where one doesn't expect to hear such blatant homophobia, you not only validate the idiots who embrace the stereotypes associated with gay men but you also influence young impressionable minds.  That's even more dangerous than a crackpot spewing forth hate on the 700 Club. 

Your comments were beyond inappropriate, extremely offensive and not something I'd expect from a radio station that plays Britney and Flo-Rida on constant rotation.  Since I have more than iota of self-respect, I didn't feel I should let your homophobia go unchallenged.  Whether or not you feel you are a homophobe is irrelevant considering the enormously ignorant, uninformed and homophobic comment that you made.

2.  His response:

 

I'm not being combative.  I just question any apology that turns into an attack on my character...doesn't seem quite genuine to me.  That's ok though.   Thank you for your apology.  I just plan on getting a second opinion(or a thousand of them), so to speak.  If I'm overreacting, then I'm sure that one of my many gay friends, will inform me that I am overreacting, that I should be more secure in myself(as you recommended).  I have a feeling though that they will feel as attacked and slighted as I do.  We'll see, I guess.
 
Take care,
 
Michael

6.  His response:

Michael-
 
Why do you equate feminine qualities with something that is "bad"? If you listened to the whole show yesterday, you would have heard that I was talking about men that have effeminate qualities. I, myself, have effemniate qualites (all of which I talked about on the air yesterday).
 
You are assuming what I said was meant to ridicule the gay community. It wasn't. Again...if you listened to my show regularly, you would know I have one of the most gay-friendly radio programs in the city. I've done shows about how I am totally pro gay marriage etc...
 
I think it's unfair that you are taking one comment of mine and blowing it up into something huge. It is totally unfair and irrational. I invite you to call into the show so maybe we can discuss and, at least, find some common ground.
 
Joel

7.  My email

Joel,
 
I don't consider femininity to be a negative thing.  Where, in any of my emails, did you gather this?  I expressed my concern because, as I already mentioned in my first email, femininity in men is viewed as a negative thing and femininity in gay men is used as a weapon against them.  As I also said in my first email, the issue of femininity is also prevalent in the gay community.  "Straight-acting" is an adjective used all too often in the gay community.   A certain sub-section of gay men disassociate themselves with feminine gay men because they don't want the label attached to them as well.  Society at large uses the stereotype to surpress us.  I've been told more times that I can count that I've changed So-and-so's opinion about gays because I'm not "swishy" or "bitchy" or "girly".  Those comments don't give me cause to celebrate my masculinity.  They make me want to vomit.  These men are being judged on outward appearance/actions even
 though they may be better men than me.  I celebrate all people masculine or feminine.
 
Before I continue, let me address something else.  You are calling me combative while telling me that I'm insecure in my sexuality and have hangups regarding what other people think of me AND that I'm irrational for taking offense to one comment.  1.  If your comments aren't a bit insulting and not combative, I don't know what would be.  2.  That one comment wasn't some throwaway jab nor did it come across as tongue-in-cheek.  If you announced on the air that all Jews were cheap, that black people were poor tippers or that all women were emotional, do you think that those respective populations would take kindly to your stereotyping?  Take some responsibility for your comment.  While I might not equate femininity to being a negative trait, you aren't just talking to me.  You are talking to a large, diverse audience, many of whom have little to no experience with gays, many of whom embrace stereotypes and use them as weapons, many of whom suck up comments like these and subconsciously adopt them as their own.  It baffles me that you can't see the problem with what you said.  Straight men call each other faggots.  Teens love to use the insult, "You're so gay".  In many cases, these insults are spewed forth without even a remote connection to homosexuals.  That doesn't make it ok.  There is still an unconscious association with gay as bad.  With "faggot" being the worst kind of insult.  Straight men refrain from participation in the arts, like dance and musical theater so as not to be considered gay, because these things are considered to be feminine or gay undertakings.  Femininity is considered a negative by society at large, not me, and your gross overgeneralization reinforces the negativity attached to femininity in the gay population.  You simply cannot make comments like that when your audience doesn't necessarily have the ability to process them nor should you dismiss my offenses because you feel your comment was benign.  It was anything but. 
 
Moreover, the conversation was ridiculous to begin with.  What is feminine?  Are men who tweeze feminine?  Are men who value personal hygeine and spend too much time in the loo feminine?  Are men who cry feminine?  You are reinforcing pathetic societal constructs.  Men and women both participate in activities and rituals considered masculine and feminine.  Such participation does not equate to masculine or feminine.  We continually box ourselves in.  We limit ourselves.  So, even taking into consideration the entirety of your show, I don't see how I'm irrational.  You began it by reinforcing common stereotypes and then honed in on an inaccurate gay stereotype.
 
It's great that you are gay inclusive.  I'm also pleased that you are pro-gay marriage.  It takes a more progessive thinker to be so.  You can't however make comments like you did and not expect any backlash.  If I donated millions to the Jewish community center but then called them cheap "k****" in public forums, do you think that they'd let my trangressions go because of my philanthropy?  When you present stereotypes as jokes, they are more easily palatable for your audience but, more importantly, they also sink in more than irrational hate spewed forth by crackpot televangelists.  Your comments tend to hurt the most.  And, by the way, I have listened to your shows.
 
Your correspondence is appreciated as it indicates concern.  I don't take kindly to being called irrational and insecure when I'm anything but.  You may not have grasped the seriousness of your statement when you made it, but I'd be less offended if you took the time to understand why I am upset as well as tried to comprehend the validity in my complaints as well as yours.  Every email you've sent to me has been one that validated your statement.  There's no validation in it. 
 
Thanks,
 
Michael

8.  His response:

The topic was brought up because we received an email from a female listener that took issue with her boyfriend's "feminine" behavior (he likes to get manicures). If you had heard the whole show you would know that I was actually frowning upon the EXACT thing you are taking issue with. I, myself, even pointed out a few things on myself that could be deemed "effeminte".
I even said that ALL men have effeminate qualities and there's nothing wrong with that.

You have to understand in this line of work (radio), we get complaint emails ALL the time about anything and everything. After awhile it gets really, really frustrating. Because no matter what we do or say, people have a tendency to take it out of context or make it into something it's not. Quite frankly, I'm fatigued with having to over-explain myself and having to apologize for even the most innocuous of comments. I'm sorry you took my words as "homophobic". That's really unfortunate. You don't know me on a personal level, so to base your entire opinion of me ("homophobic pig" etc...) on on fleeting comment is unfair.

Thanks again for the email.

Joel

9.  My response:

Ok.  No problem.  Defend your comment as "innocuous."  Call my concern trifles or just another one in a long line of meaningless complaints.  I thought that we were involved in a dialogue but I guess we weren't. 

Had you spent two hours extolling the virtues of homosexuals, I would have still taken offense to the comment.  You keep referring to context, but I don't see you taking into consideration the context of my emails.  My point was that your consideration of activities as "effeminate" reinforces stereotypes even if you consider those activities to be ok.  You are still reinforcing the initial stereotype that pedicures are "effeminate" activities when they only are so because of very stringent and false societal constructs.  Stop telling me that I didn't listen to your show.  That being the case,  I'll take my concerns elsewhere since you have dismissed me.

And thank you for your emails.  We can finally end this back and forth now since it's going nowhere.

PS. "Homophobic pig" may have been a gut reaction, but I'll at least "man up" for my reaction as it was knee jerk and emotional.(I called him a homophobic pig in an email to the station manager.)