Is my cousins ex-husband gay?

So my cousin recently had a baby and then got divorced fromher ex-husband. They were together for three years but he told her that he didn’twant to be married anymore after the baby was born. Throughout their marriage,they fought a lot and he was abusive towards her but he still stuckaround......until their daughter was born. For my cousin, it has been hardbecause she still doesn’t have closure as to why he would want to leave her andtheir baby.

Recently, she came over here (to Australia from SouthAfrica) for a holiday and she started talking to me about her ex and the factthat she thinks that he might be gay and that’s perhaps why he was so unkind toher during their marriage and then left her when they had a baby. She thinksthat his behaviour was due to the fact that he couldn’t accept himself and thenwhen the baby came along, he felt guilty and couldn’t deal with things anymore.

So I told her I would help her out and ask other peoplewhether or not they think he is gay. I have a strong feeling that he might be.

Here are some things that she said that caught my attention –

1.      He has a lot of gay friends (that he made duringuniversity) yet he tells her that he doesn’t like gay people. This is alsouncommon in South Africa because heterosexual men there are very homophobic. Healso would want to double date with his gay friends a lot.

2.      He would often ask my cousin to invite herbrother over when it was just the two of them. He didn’t really want to spendheaps of time alone with her. Also, when her brother was around, he would spendhours with him and talk to him about stuff that he didn’t talk to my cousinabout. (This made both my cousin and her brother uncomfortable).

3.      There were a few instances when he would invitea male friend to hang out with my cousin and him and then he would be extraloving towards my cousin and she said that the guy would be kind of a jealous(in a non-obvious way but she could sense something).

4.      When he left her (before they got divorced), hewent to live with another man.

5.      He would often go on “long drives” without mycousin.

6.      When one of his gay friends passed away, he wasreally upset and when my cousin asked if they ever slept in the same bed hesaid no but he didn’t get mad (as usual heterosexual men would if you kind ofaccused them of sleeping with another guy).

7.      He also would often point to people and say thatthey were gay and when they went shopping, he would tell my cousin that guyswere checking him out.

8.      He also tended to talk a lot about gay people,especially guys and he often would obsess about his appearance, etc...

9.      He also told my cousin that in university andwhen he started working (he is ten years older than my cousin) that peoplewould tease him about being gay.

10.  She also said that he wasn’t very sexual towardsher. Although they were only married for three and a half years, she said thathe hardly touched her and they only did it when he wanted to and not if shedid.

So, I was wondering if anyone else might think he was gay aswell. I really have a strong feeling that he is either gay or bisexual and thathe was mean to my cousin because of his feelings and the fact he couldn’t dealwith them.  She’s still in love with himand I think that she needs some sort of closure. Obviously she needs to ask himbut she knows that he won’t admit to it because he is Muslim and comes from avery conservative background. My cousin is totally fine with gay people though.She is one of the only people in my family that knows I’m gay and she’scompletely supportive. So if there was one person he should have told, I feellike it should have been her.

But what do other people think? Does he sound like he couldbe gay? Also, why do you think he might have left when the baby came along?

Thanks for the advice! I told my cousin about this site andshe asked me if I could ask all of you for some advice :).