Homosexuality is just a phase

well, when i came out, the only questions I was ever asked were the typical "whats it like to kiss girls?" and "will you kiss XXXX for me?"or "so what do you do exactly with them?"

nobody has ever told me it was a phase, though a teacher brainwashed me for about a year of my life in high school by constantly telling me to pray it away, i'm going to hell, god hates sinners, blah blah blah. that was pretty close to "its just a phase and it'll go away" (i later learned she was an "ex-gay"...good times)

Kitty, i suggest you simply say "well, if i am going through a phase of being bisexual, then maybe you're going through a phase of being straight...or a phase of being a complete ignorant dumbass.."

sometimes turning the question or the statement back on a person will shut them up. if you're lucky anyway. i've usually been lucky when it comes to shutting people up quick. ;-)

in the end though, let people say and think what they will. it's annoying, yes...but as long as you feel confident and secure in who you are, then nobody can take that away from you.

no matter how many times they ask you dumb questions, if you're bisexual and proud of it, then just tell yourself "bring it on" when such questions come up. it's like a war. you're scared, but you signed up for it and have a duty to do, so you can't turn back. all you can do is look ahead and go in 'guns blazing' so to speak :-)

and give them a copy of Falconer by John Cheever.

Said that to me since I was 16 and that was long long ago now, Mostly you will just have to grin and bare it till your probably 30 then they can see that its not a phase.

 

Not really helpful I know but its probably the only way.

I suspect college may be at least a partial culprit here.

You're near enough to college age and -- unfortunately for you -- enough people do seem to "experiment" with their sexuality during their college years that it's now become something of a cliche, and a punchline for jokesters, both straight and gay.

I can tell from your post that you mean what you say; for you, your orientation is legitimate. However, you may have to hit thirty or so before the dumb-ass comments start to wane.

A previous poster tallked about how to deal with dumb-ass comments, so I won't reiterate here. The only thing I might add is to use your own judgement before replying with sarcasm or anger.

Some people are indeed ass-hats, to be sure, but others are simply ignorant (in the sense of "unknowing") and if you snap at them or belittle them, you may alienate someone who would be better served, and educated, by a calmer response.

Use your own judgement, case to case, and follow what's true for you in the moment. While it's noble to educate where possible, in the end, you can't be responsible for the ignorance of other people. You have your own life to navigate, so do what feels honest for you, case to case.

Again, I do expect the dumb-assery will trail off as you gain a couple of years, and can't be assumed to be merely in the "college bi-curious" age group.

I wish you well in your journeys,

SE

 

 

 

I watched Wanda Sykes' (who just came out recently) latest stand up recently and she phrased it very very well:

*If it is a choice to be gay, then that implies that it is a choice to be straight as well. She also explained the insanity behind the idea by describing how if it was a choice, that would mean a straight man would have to one day think to himself "hmmm I think Im gonna suck a dick today!"

These people are going to drown in their own prejudices, so let them. We are happy, honest, and free and that's all we can be; not concerned about whether it meets with peoples' approval....

Peace+Love!

 ~

Check out my latest cover: LGBT Michael Stipe, lead singer of REM "Losing My Religion"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djcDh8Fw7ik

For me, people always used to tell me that I needed to pray it away or spend more time in church and all that.  They equated my sexuality with a lack of spiritual understanding, something I believed for a long time until I found friends who helped me understand that faith and sexuality aren't necessarily at odds with each other.

I think that helped me overcome that whole "just a phase" mentality, and when I stopped fighting my nature and accepted it, I felt like I finally became whole. 

 

"When the people fear its government, that's tyranny.  When the government fears its people, that's liberty."

- Thomas Jefferson

For some folk their sexuality can be defined, for others it cannot be defined in a way that makes sense to other people. Some folks find security in definitions, and without it they feel lost, while others can handle ambiguity. Whatever! The only thing that you can do is to be honest with yourself and the folks that really care about you.  Seek relationships with people that you want to be with, and with folks who want to be with you. Other than the usual questions (are they of legal age, consent, who's apartment, etc) all of the other stuff will work themselves out.  Twenty-three is not too young to explore the world and to seek out adventures, and to find yourself and whatever that means.  Just be honest about your feelings with the person or persons that you are with, and to yourself.  - Mike