ANTM: It's Make-Fun-Of-The-Local-Culture Week!

It's the final four this week on America's Next Top Model, and you know what that means. Lots of bitchery! Will my prediction for final three (Natasha, Jaslene, and Renee) come true? Let's find out.

Tyra Mail: It's another wordy one. "Some of you believe that you were born to be a top model, but I sense that only one will have the heart, soul, and spirit to make it to the top. --love, Tyra." Nobody has any idea what it means, least of all me. I don't even think Tyra knew what the heck that meant.

Natasha is having phone sex with her mysterious husband again — right in the bedroom in front of the other girls. Ew! She's actually nuzzling the phone and making moaning noises. Double ew! Now, I think the others girls treat her horribly, but this is not the best way to win friends and influence people, ya know? Stop with the phone sex already, Lolita! At least where others can hear it. And see it. Triple ew!

The other girls all make fun of her of course, and in this case at least, I can't even blame them. Natasha decides it's all because they are intimidated by her, which I agree is probably a large part of it. However, if you're going to have phone sex with an audience, I think you should expect to be the topic of conversation to some degree.

They go hiking early the next morning. It is apparently cold and damp. Natasha is in heels and someone foreshadows that she's going to get sick. Somebody gets sick every year, so I was waiting for it. Eventually, they meet a hairy old man who says they can call him Uncle Max. Do not accept candy from him, girls! If he says he has a treat for you, run! Oh, and his somewhat homely, but very pleasant niece is there too. I'm not even going to try to spell her name. I think Uncle Max and the niece are Aboriginal, but no one says so specifically.

The niece and some other young girls from the tribe demonstrate a traditional tribal dance while Uncle Max yodels. The dance is not all that impressive. It mostly involves walking around in a circle and picking up imaginary berries. Scintillating stuff. Really.

Uncle Max then explains that their challenge will be to tell their life story through the same style of dance and spoken word. They have fifteen minutes to paint their bodies and dress. Carissa Rosenberg from Seventeen Magazine will be the judge.

Renee goes first and talks a lot about abuse. She does fairly well, I suppose. It's not like any of these girls are going to blow me away with their storytelling skills. She looks like an emo clown. All she needs is black hair and the effect would be perfect.

Jaslene forgets the dance part and just stands there like a lump. Personality, Jaslene! You know how Tyra likes it when you act like a stereotype... er, Cha Cha Diva. She's so painfully boring at times. I feel like all her "personality" is manufactured.

Dionne has a really bad attitude and bitches about dancing for like five minutes. Dionne, you may have noticed there is no actual dancing involved in this "dance." Shut up and just do it. She finally does, but she blows. You can tell she doesn't really care about the challenge. The worst part is, she has an inspiring story (her mom was shot and paralyzed but still took care of the family, yada yada yada), but she just fakes her way through it as quickly as possible.

Natasha goes last and would have been really good if she was just a little louder. She gets really into the dance, using branches and going barefoot like the native girls did, but she whispers her way through her (over-dramatic) story. She's so soft, no one can hear her. She's trying to make a point that if you speak softly people pay closer attention, but she's in the middle of a forest. It's not like she's competing for attention.

Renee wins the challenge, and she picks Jaslene to share the prize. Back at the apartment, they learn that the prize is really expensive pearl jewelry from Autore. It's beautiful stuff.

That night, Jaslene, Dionne, and Renee decide to go out on the town. Natasha is feeling sick so she elects not to go. She wasn't really wanted anyway, so the other girls are glad she's staying in. They use the opportunity to trash talk her. They're out at a club in Sydney, Australia and the best thing they can find to do is talk about Natasha? I think they are intimidated.

They question whether she's really married or even has a daughter since she doesn't talk much about her family (unlike Renee who never shuts up about hers) and she doesn't wear a wedding ring. Dionne says she doesn't even know Natasha's husband's name. Maybe because you've never asked? The only girl I ever saw show any attention to Natasha was Jael. Maybe if you all weren't so busy talking about her behind her back and actually talked to her, you'd know more about her. Ugh. Girls can be so catty. Not that boys can't be just as catty, of course.

Tyra Mail: "Sorry girls, you're history. --love, Tyra." One too wordy, one too short. Neither tells them anything. It's the two sides of Tyra. Too much or too little, and never any substance.

Natasha is really sick the next morning. She's coughing, sneezing, and has a runny nose. She's afraid she "will not be rocking in the photo shoot." Heh.

They meet Mr. Jay out in the woods again, and he tells them that the photo shoot will be based on Australia's indigenous culture. In other words, it's the annual make-fun-of-the-locals week on ANTM! The girls will be taught dances based on tribal legends and then have to interpret those dances for the shoot.

Jaslene is up first and shows a surprising lack of appreciate for the native culture (shocking, I know!) by calling it a chicken dance. Granted, it does look a little silly, but come on. Try to show a little respect here. She does well on the shoot, though.

Dionne looks great and hits some good poses, but she's still struggling with her expression. She keeps going to that mean place we heard so much about last week. Jay still has to give her tons of direction to get a decent shot.

Natasha is visibly miserable. Unfortunately, photography is a visual medium, and she's letting her sickness show big time. Jay tries to give her a pep talk, but I've never seen her look this dead in the face or so awkward in the body. The judges are not going to take illness as an excuse either. Not after Danielle totally rocked the elephant shoot after she literally ripped an IV out of her arm and left the hospital so she wouldn't miss a challenge.

Renee goes last and she seems to get it more than the others. Her poses are amazing. I'm starting to fear she might pull off a win despite her earlier nastiness and the fact that she photographs old.

Panel: Tyra's in another ugly outfit, but at least there's no headscarf. The guest judge is Carissa Rosenberg from Seventeen. Miss J looks more ridiculous than ever.

Evaluations: Dionne's body language is great, but her eyes are unfocused and her expression still isn't right. She's either scowling or too happy. Tyra brings up the coaching issue.

Then, they have their first judging test of the cycle. Tyra asks each girl to evaluate her competition, naming the girls with the most potential and the girl with the least. Dionne flubs it right off the bat by saying Jaslene has the most potential. Oh, Dionne, have you never seen the show before? She then says Natasha has the least potential, and I think we all see where this is going to go.

Up next is Jaslene. Her photo is very good, but the judges are starting to become concerned that she gives the same look week after week. They want to see another side of her.

Jaslene thinks she has the most potential (See Dionne? That's how it's done.), and says Natasha has the least potential. She thinks Natasha is phony. Poor Natasha. I fear this will get ugly.

Renee's photo is amazing, easily the best this week. The judges love it. Tyra says she gave her the most to choose from.

Renee says she has the most potential, and Natasha has the least, of course. She calls Natasha fake.

Natasha has kept a smile on her face through this whole thing, to her credit. Her photo, however, is very weak. Tyra says her film was her weakest of the entire competition. Natasha tries to use the sick excuse, but the judges are not having it.

I have to say Natasha handles this next part brilliantly, or as Twiggy says later, miraculously. She says she thinks she has the most potential. They never get around to asking her who she thinks is the weakest, because they immediately bring up how all the other girls ganged up on her. She says if Giselle Bundchen was standing behind her, she would say she had the least potential because she would be her biggest competition. Brilliant! She goes on to say that the girls are always talking about her behind her back, but it's better to be talked about than not noticed. I bow before Natasha.

As the girls go backstage to wait for the deliberations, it turns into the last scene from Mean Girls. Jaslene gets all defensive and jumps down Natasha's throat saying she's fake and nobody believes that she's sincere. She also says she's not threatened by her. Nobody is buying it, Skeletor. The other girls sit around and smirk. I hate them all right now. I so want Natasha to win.

Deliberations: Dionne has had the weakest photos and doesn't seem like a Top Model. Tyra really hates that Dionne didn't say herself when asked who had the most potential. Jaslene gives the same look, but she is driven. Renee's photo was strong, but doesn't have the freshest face. Natasha's photo was her weakest, but she handled the situation with the other girls really well.

Elimination: Renee is called first, then Jaslene. Natasha and Dionne are the bottom two.

Dionne started off rough, but got better. However, her ascent has been rocky and she doesn't believe in herself. Natasha also struggled at first, but she has steadily improved — until she got sick. Plus, all the other girls attacked her. There has to be a reason for that.

Renee has been smirking off to the side through this whole exchange. I hate her. She may or may not be acting nicer (it's all editing, folks), but she's still the same old bitch inside.

The judges think the other girls are just jealous. So that means Natasha is staying and Dionne is going home. Natasha tries to give Dionne a hug, but Dionne just stands there with her mean look on her face again. Bitch!

Also a bitch.

Later, though, she does give Natasha a hug goodbye, so who knows. Still, Dionne was definitely the right one to go. One bad week shouldn't have sent Natasha home after she's taken so many great photos. And let's face it, Dionne's portfolio was extremely weak.

So my prediction for final three was correct. It's Renee, Natasha, and Jaslene. Will my final two be right too? I'm still predicting it will be Jaslene and Natasha, but Renee could sneak her way in there if Jaslene doesn't give them another expression.

I missed who the CoverGirl of the Week was, but I suspect it was Natasha again. She's been on a streak. Anybody remember?

Next week! It's the finale! That means CoverGirl commercial and shoot, and the big runway show. I can hardly wait! See you then!