"Desperate Housewives" (6.23) Season Finale Mini-Cap: "I Guess This Is Goodbye"

John Barrowman holds the fate of Wisteria Lane in his hand. Literally. But before we get to to him, let's take a brief look at how the other storylines of the season wrapped up.

Oh Susan. You were so close to being a reasonably sensible person this week. You held it together while selling your wares on the street. Even when Frau Farbissina tried to rip you off, you didn't fall apart. Congratulations!

But then ... when your son complained about you selling his dinosaur doll and begged you to get it back, you got that "faraway look" in your eyes again. Before long you were ranting about having to leave your house and all of its magical door jambs.

Even your kid knows you're a loon

You pulled it together at the end, though, and you and Mike left Wisteria Lane for a small apartment across town. I have to confess to being shocked at this turn of events. I was sure Susan would completely flip out and wall herself inside a cubbyhole in the house, ala Bad Ronald.

Elsehwere, Lynette went into labor shortly after realizing Crazy Eddie is the killer, and before long she's screaming at him to order her to "PUSH!" Eddie, who's murdered girls with his bare hands and buried their decomposing bodies, looks at Lynette's baby-birthing ladyparts and screams that it's "so gross!" Thankfully, she doesn't take it personally.

Soon Eddie delivers a healthy five-month-old into her arms, and Lynette convinces Eddie to turn himself in.

How much do you think they had to pay to smear this kid's head with rancid cottage cheese?