You are Emory!
You're so light in the loafers you're hanging from the ceiling like a possum! You fall for straight men, especially doctors, but beware closet cases, as they tend to beat you up if you open your mouth.

You are Michael!
You're a sad and pathetic man--you're a homosexual and you don't want to be. You project your hatred of yourself onto others with abandon, and you play this game of Total Ego Destruction well (but watch out for Harold--he plays it better!). Your parties start well, but your party games leave something to be desired.

You are Harold!
You may be a 32 year-old, ugly, pock-marked Jew fairy, but you're still the Alpha Gay with the killer Jew fro! You like cowboys and grass, but not necessarily in that order.

You are Alan!
You flirt with attractive men and enjoy a sweaty game of, uh, tennis. But when confronted by the unbearable nastiness of all gay men, you go scurrying back to your wife.

You are Hank!
You're attractive and fit. You yearn for monogamy, but you know you couldn't POSSIBLY ever find it in the wildly promiscuous gay world, so you settle for someone who pretty much hates your guts.

You are Larry!
Let's face it: you've slept with everybody. But in the end, you know who you are and you're honest about what you want, which means you're a 1000 times more evolved than the other losers you hang with.

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