Even if that were accurate, teachers would still be free to point out that cannibalism is bad, as long as they didn’t say they it was only bad because the cannibal in question was gay. But of course, that’s not what the law proposed at all. As MediaMatters.org points out, the law simply added GLBT people to the list of those who were traditionally under-represented in history texts, such as women and ethnic minorities.

And you know how O’Reilly feels about tradition.

CULTAH

One of O’Reilly’s favorite catch phrases is “culture war.” He even used it in the title of his 2006 book Culture Warrior. Of course, when he says “culture” he’s not referring to the opera or knowing which fork to use for the salad. He’s talking – albeit in code – about the gays and our fellow travelers, the secular humanists.

Because if this is a war, there must be an enemy. And guess what? That’s us, too.

The Gay War on Christmas

It’s that time of year again, but if Bill O’Reilly has his way, we won’t be saying “Happy Holidays” much longer. That’s because he’s firmly convinced that fully 95 percent of all Americans want to say “Merry Christmas,” and the other five should just suck it up and say it, too.

The people responsible for this aren’t just the gays, but the entire army (but remember, no more than five percent of the population) of secular humanists who want to remove all vestiges of religion from public life. But why are they so intent on getting “Christianity and spirituality and Judaism out of the public square”? It’s all about gay marriage, of course. Well, that and the legalization of drugs and euthanasia.

It’s a little unclear from this clip whether the destruction of all religion will lead to gay marriage or the recognition of gay marriage will itself destroy religion. Sometimes the finer details get lost when you’re sliding down the slippery slope. But the collapse of societal norms is firmly linked to increasing tolerance of homosexuality, proving that every time someone says “Happy Holidays,” a lesbian or gay man comes out of the closet.

Or is that the other way round?

The Gay War on Straights

This time the warriors have scarier weapons than a cheerful “Happy Holidays.” This time, they have guns.

Imaginary guns, to be sure, which is fine, because the warriors are imaginary, too. Not wizards this time, but gangs of lesbian thugs roaming the streets of America committing acts of violence on straight men. There are, he assured his viewers, as many as 150 such gangs in the Washington, DC, area alone.

O’Reilly’s guest expert on lesbian gangs eventually admitted he was wrong and even apologized, but the fact that O’Reilly could have believed the story for one minute is the inevitable consequence of that closet of queer silence he advocates so passionately. If you don’t know any real gay people, it’s easy to imagine them as pink-pistol-packing predatory creatures of the night, instead of your cousin from New Jersey or the middle-aged woman who does your taxes.