Inching out of the closet

Adamo Ruggiero

But Ruggiero, who is only 21, spoke openly about being gay last month in an interview with eTalk. What made him come all the way out at an age when most of today's closeted A-list actors hadn't even started inching out?

"Ultimately I just thought maybe the reason why that these kind of fears are perpetuated of ‘I can’t come out, what’s going to happen to my career?’ is because things really haven’t changed," he said. "I feel like the more we hide, the more we perpetuate it."

Ruggiero's sentiments echo those of someone quite a bit further along in an illustrious acting career, Sir Ian McKellen. In an exclusive interview with AfterElton.com, he described his own "inching out" process. "From puberty onwards I never hid my sexuality from anybody except for the press," he said. "Some close members of my family. My friends and employers and employees — they all knew, and I never felt it to be a disadvantage. I didn't think it was relevant."

But something a friend said changed his point of view. "It was only when Armistead Maupin pointed out that none of us are an island, and that coming out is a wonderful release for the individual," he said. "But it also has a release beyond that on one's friends and acquaintances and eventually society as a whole. That's how the movement goes forward."

Sir Ian McKellen

And that's the catch. What obligation do actors, musicians, and news anchors have to "make the movement go forward"? Many gay people, fans and celebrities alike, would argue that none of them has any responsibility to members of the public, gay or not, to do anything other than produce good films, music, and news shows. The decisions celebrities make about what questions to answer, how much to say about their sexual orientation, are no one's business but their own.

The issue is, though, as Ruggiero and McKellen pointed out, that this debate isn't just about personal responsibility; it's also about impact, not on the individual celebrities, but on all of us. Particularly for celebrities who are widely believed to be gay, but don't acknowledge it, an insistence on keeping their "private life private" can look an awful lot like secrecy and shame.

When they deflect all questions about sexual orientation – or act outraged at being asked at all – it reinforces a perception of homosexuality as something dirty.

So why are some gay fans throwing rose petals at the feet of celebrities who have chosen to inch out instead of come out?

As happened with Neil Patrick Harris, many fans seem content to be "in the know," and even believe that not denying that you're gay is pretty much the same thing as stating that you are. As long as public figures don't actively deny that they're gay, support GLBT causes, and sometimes even socialize in the gay world, many of their gay fans are perfectly content.

Take the queen of the long, slow inch-out, Jodie Foster, whose queer fans are as protective of her privacy as any image-obsessed publicist could wish.

When AfterEllen.com reported that Foster had publicly acknowledged her female partner at a charity event, most readers were thrilled and supportive. They made comments such as, "Jodie's been out for years - she just hasn't been out to the press. She brings Cydney to private (press-free) events [and] doesn't hide their relationship. Everyone who knows her knows they're together."

"I love the way Jodie Foster handles her private life," another fan enthused. "She is out and proud in my book, or has she ever claimed to be not gay/bi or not to be in a relationship with Cydney? Of course it would be nice to hear her say the words, but then again no heterosexual stands there and declares to be straight, they usually just quietly integrate their partner into their lives. That is what Jodie does, with style, grace and dignity."

Just like their fans, some gay stars consider themselves "out" as long as they were never really "in," even if they've never formally come out. For example, in an interview with AfterElton.com, actor Chad Allen said that he didn't consider himself to have ever been in the closet, even though he didn't acknowledge his sexual orientation publicly until after a man he was dating sold photos of the two of them to the tabloids in 1996. But he never went on fake dates with women or lied that he was straight.

"There was a time when it was actually said to me, 'You know, we can get you a girlfriend. We can make that happen,'" he said. "But that's not in me. I can't live a lie."

Next Page: David Hyde Pierce's life is an "open book"