Don Lemon and Will Sheridan Just Made Life a Whole Lot Sweeter For Gay Men of Color

     "If you believe in something, if you truly stand for something, you should never be
     afraid to put your name on a list."

     — My Father

Getting the news that both CNN anchor Don Lemon and Villanova basketball star Will Sheridan came out as gay men – African-American gay men – within twenty-four hours of each other was like watching the New Orleans Saints win the Super Bowl or hearing that According To Jim got canceled. My smile simply refused to leave my face.

I was smiling for a number of reasons.

I was smiling because it never hurts to have two more very handsome and intelligent men as part of the community. Not that I'm saying I would stand a chance with either of them, but I'm not saying I wouldn't either. (Wow, that sounded almost like something P!nk would sing).

I was also smiling also because I could not contain my pride in both these men. In very different phases of their lives and careers, the journey both of these men are on is nothing less than inspiring.

And I was smiling because it was a beautiful antidote from a poison I'm all too aware of.

The closet is killing us.

The thing we know about coming out as gay men in general, the one extraordinary power that is unleashed when we speak and live in the truth, is that it can often spark profound changes in the hearts and minds of those that know us and those that love us.

When they know the truth, those that know us often vote differently than they did before. Those that befriend us defend us. Those that care about us often work to get beyond the anti-gay bigotry that they were raised with. Those that love us often become our allies in the march toward full and unqualified equality.

The cast of Noah's Arc

While this also happens in communities of color, we should be seeing more of it and we aren't. There are many reasons for this, too many to cover with one article. But I believe that many of those issues stem from the choices the closet specifically forces gay and bisexual men of color to make.

I know that contemplating coming out carries a risk for each and every one of us. There's always the fear of losing family, friends and loved ones no matter the color of your skin. That cannot be diminished.

But for many GLBT people of color, coming out also involves a heartbreaking situation not faced in quite the same way by our white counterparts. We risk the loss of our communities of color. We risk losing our sense of belonging, our connection to our cultures, our balm that heals us from bigotry, our shield that protects our self-esteem and self-worth from institutionalized messages that we are somehow not good enough.

And what are gaining? Well, we're supposed to gain a sense of belonging, a balm that heals us from anti-gay bigotry, a shield that protects our self-esteem and self-worth from messages that we are somehow not good enough. And we're supposed to gain love, or at least its possibility.

But when you see personal ads that say, "No Fats, No Fems, No Asians," or when someone at an equality rally shouts the N-word at black people because he mistakenly believes they're one of "those people" responsible for Prop 8, or when at a gay bar you hear the word "illegal" more in connection to a guy's perceived citizenship status rather than the narcotics being consumed in the bathroom, well… it gets really hard to sell a person of color on the joys of a life lived outside of the closet.

So a lot of people deal with the homophobia instead. Or they internalize it. Or they live in secret.

It reminds me of a story renowned HIV activist Keith Boykin once told in a speech for the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. He recalled meeting black men who, once told they were HIV positive, would tell their families and friends that they were infected by sharing needles rather than the truth – from unprotected sex with a male partner – because they believed the stigma would be far less for IV drug use than it would be for having sex with another man.

Keith Boykin

Yep, the closet is killing us. But it doesn't have to.

Yes, there are few resources going into people of color communities to fight against anti-gay prejudice. Yes, gay rights activists may ignore our neighborhoods when it comes time to beat back these anti-equality ballot measures that come up. Yes, there's a mistaken belief, even among us, that the black community is more homophobic than any other community, when in reality, hyper masculinity and religious beliefs own much of the causality for homophobia…

(Pardon me for a moment, but those previously mentioned ballot measure sponsors, those bigots leading the National Organization for Marriage, those bullies pushing our kids to suicide, or their parents posting "It Gets Worse" videos, or those Presidential candidates calling for the repeal of the repeal of DADT, or those sports agents sending tweets calling our marriages "wrong" and that sportscaster defending them… Not. Black. Folks.

And the professional athletes speaking out lately for gay equality not named Sean Avery? Like Grant Hill, Jared Dudley, Charles Barkley, Donte Stallworth, Brendan Ayanbadejo… All. Black. Folks. Thank you, end of rant.)

Grant Hill, Jared Dudley, Charles Barkley

…But just as things are changing for us all, change is happening in communities of color as well. We are coming out in greater numbers and we are living our truth. And our loved ones are also coming out as well. And standing against those who would seek to condemn us.

We're watching as actors, sports stars, and Presidents go through their own personal transition from "Not a clue" to "Finally Gets It." Like a minority on the Bachelorette, the days are numbered for anti-gay bigotry on our blocks.

I know it's a very long road to travel, but it feels like true momentum is in the air. Don Lemon and Will Sheridan are out. There are others who will follow them, just as there are others like B.D. Wong and John Amaechi who have helped pave their way.

I will be ready to greet them. And I'll still be smiling. Because it will be us, all of us, finally killing the closet.