Dear Pigeon Guts: The Bible Says I'm Going to Hell!

Dear Pigeon Guts: I’ve been reading The Bible. And in the back of my mind, I keep thinking am I going to hell. It is so tough to me think about, since I was raised from a Christian background. Hearing gays are going to hell is very tough. Can you give me guidance on something I can't help? – South Carolina, Columbia

The Pigeon Guts Speak:

I know this is a real struggle for a lot of people – and let’s face it: we’re talking eternal damnation, so if we GLBT folks are wrong, we’re going to pay a really high price.

But we’re not wrong. I think the chance that “God” and “heaven” and “hell” are anything like that described literally in the Bible – or offered up by Christian conservatives – is absolutely zero. I think it's more likely The Tooth Fairy exists.

These Christians like to say that their interpretation of the Bible is the word of God. But think about it: who wouldn’t like to be able to win every argument by pointing to the ultimately authority of the universe and saying, “See?! God totally agrees with me! I’m right and you’re wrong! Face!”

Don’t you think the very human temptation to overstate things would just be a little high?

And don’t you think it’s odd the way they pick and choose the parts of the Bible they want to follow – like the parts that say gay people are going to hell or should be put to death – while ignoring all the parts that no one still believes, like putting people to death for cursing a parent or picking up sticks on Saturday? Did you know that the Bible also says that a woman (but not a man) should be put to death if she’s not a virgin on her wedding night?

Look, let’s concede the Bible really is the literal word of God, okay? Even if this is true, we have no way of knowing how it was interpreted at the time it was written – how, in other words, God meant it to be read. Meanings and contexts and sensibilities are so wildly different between then and now that it’s literally impossible to say. The very concept of a “sexual orientation” (as opposed to people just performing gay sex acts) is less than two hundred years old! And I haven’t even touched on the fact that many Biblical translations, especially of the “gay” verses, are either almost certainly blatantly wrong or at least open to very different, equally plausible interpretations.

But the ultimate rebuttal to the "gays are going to hell" argument is, of course, that God simply can't be that much of an ***hole. To create feelings of love and affection, but then say, "If you act on them, you're going to hell!" And what does "act" mean anyway? Can we kiss? Enjoy a hug with someone of the same sex? Have a wet dream? Once you acknowledge the existence of a sexual orientation, the whole conversation is nonsense.

Don’t take my word for any of this: ask any Biblical scholar who isn’t a fundamentalist conservative with an ax to grind and a very narrow world-view to preserve.

I don’t say many things with absolute certainly, but you can trust me on this: you’re not going to hell for being gay.

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