How do I Accept That My Boyfriend has a Lot More Sexual Experience Than I Do?

Today: The Pigeon Guts reveal their wisdom regarding love and sex.

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Dear Pigeon Guts: I'm 18 years old and currently in a new relationship with a nice guy that I met last year in my freshmen year of college. I'm not that experienced and have only been intimate with my current boyfriend and one other person before him. But my boyfriend had numerous sexual partners during high school before we met, and during our freshmen year of college where I met him. We go to a tiny college and he has now slept with the majority of the small number of gay men on campus.

Now I'm trying my best to accept him for who he is now and ignore his past, but I still have lingering feelings of uneasiness. My boyfriend had told me at one time he had feelings for another guy and me at the same time. But since the other guy is moving away, he saw no future in pursuing that relationship, which makes me feel kind of like a second choice.

Before we were together, he decided to have a relationship with a mutual friend because he wanted to see if he could date someone for their personality instead of their looks. That relationship lasted about a week, and that's when he started sleeping around. By second semester, one of our friends kept trying to get us together, and she kept raving about how much he actually liked me. I refused to be another notch on his belt. I confronted him about it and he explained to me how he wanted a real relationship, and had really liked me but he felt like I was too good for him or that I wouldn't like him. He seemed sincere so I agreed to go out with him and see how it goes.

Two weeks in to the relationship, he was doing laundry at a guy's house who he knew liked him. Apparently it became too late to drive back to campus, there were others sleeping on the couch, so he ended up sleeping in the guy's bed. He texted me that night about the situation and I told him to do what he feels is right. So I suppose that's my fault, but I would think he'd know that sleeping in another guy’s bed is not the best thing to do in a new relationship. He later mentioned that the guy tried to do stuff, but my boyfriend told him that he was in a relationship so nothing happened.

He is a great guy to me, but deep down these feelings still persist. How can I get past them on my own because I've talked them out with him before, and he’s getting tired of it. How can I gain maturity and just let all of this go? Or am I going against my better judgment? – T, Texas

The Pigeon Guts Speak:
First, you’re having safe sex, right? This is important in all new relationships, but I think it’s particularly important here, because – let’s face it – this guy slept around and (don’t panic) he might still be sleeping around, or might choose to start sleeping around again at some point without telling you.

Which leads me to my second point: you can’t know what’s going with this guy yet. Maybe he’s sincere, maybe he’s lying. Maybe he’s sincere now, and maybe he’ll start lying in six months.

Here’s what I do know: it’s okay to feel uneasy, and it’s okay to want to talk to him about those feelings (within reason). You need to hammer out of the rules, boundaries, and expectations in your relationship together. That’s part of what the first few months and years of a relationship are all about: it’s not all just humping like bunnies.

Maybe you won’t ever trust him. Does that mean you’re being unreasonable? Who knows? You are who you are, and your feelings are your feelings. Not every person is meant to be with every other person, no matter how nice and attractive they find each other.

The point is this is one of those problems that can only be solved with time. On the other hand, it absolutely will be solved in time. In six months, if you still feel uneasy, you’ll know he wasn’t the one.

Dear Pigeon Guts: There’s a boy. A boy I like. Or love, I don't know. I met him at college, but I haven't really met him. He's perfect. He's gorgeous, funny and, after a little Facebook-stalking, I discovered he's got a great taste in music and has read that same books as I have. This crush has being going on for a couple of months, but I can't seem to be able to find out if he's gay. He fits certain stereotypes: knows how to work his colors, only has female friends, drives away his eyes once I notice he's watching me.

I am really desperate. He makes me feel naïve and like I am about to vomit. Then three days ago, his friend came up and said, "I think I know you from somewhere. I think it is from a party last year. Remember? The one you got drunk and made out with a bunch of girls?" I said, "I am embarrassed that you’d only remember me by that.” Then out of the blue and only having talked to me for two minutes, she said, “Do you make out with guys too?" I inferred that she was asking because he'd asked her to, but we were interrupted by the most obnoxious friend I have, and I never answered her.

So two days later (yesterday), I was standing in line in the college's coffee shop and realized the guy was by my side. So I desperately thought, "It's now or never!" I introduced myself and told him the story about his friend and the weird question. That's where it all went bananas, because, the way I told it, I think he thought I was being homophobic and reacted kind of weird. I think he thinks I am a psycho. And I still don't even know if he's gay!!!

I don't know what to do! I really, really, really, really like this guy. Can you give me some advice? – Ed, Rio, Brazil

The Pigeon Guts Speak:
First, take a breath. He’s not perfect, and you’re not in love. You have a crush on someone you think is cute. But whether or not he is who you think he is – and whether you’ll fall in love with whoever he really is – well, that’s still to be determined.

The good news is he’s almost certainly gay and into you: he watches you in class! He (obviously!) sent his friend to check you out! When Moses was standing in front of the burning bush, the signs weren’t as clear as they are for you.

I wasn’t standing with you in that line in the coffee shop, but here’s what I think happened: he thought you were calling him out on his sending his friend to find out if you are gay, so he got nervous. You sensed his anxiety, and that made you nervous.

You want to know a big secret in life? You know how you’re constantly thinking about how you’re coming across to everyone else, thinking about what you might say before you say it, and stressing out over every little thing you did say after you said it?

Other people do that too. Almost everyone does – and the people who don’t? They’re busy being irritated by the label on their t-shirt or listening to “voices” in their head.

The point is, we’re all wrapped up in own worlds – but we stupidly assume that no one else is. We assume everyone else is concentrating on us even though we’re not concentrating on them. For the most part, most of us only really pay attention to the things other people say and do when it’s really obvious: when it’s basically impossible not to notice.

Isn’t that funny? This guy doesn’t think you’re a freak. He’s probably worried that you think he’s a freak.

Take a breath, forget the past, and talk to him again.

Need life advice? Contact me here(and be sure and include your city and state and/or country!)