SGM Seeks LTR in NYC: Doin' It Upside Down

Okay, we’ve got a lot to cover, so let’s start with the most important. As many of you no doubt know, something happened this week. Something monumental, whose repercussions will ripple through history and be forever pointed to as one of the defining moments of the realization of the American dream.

I’m talking, of course, about Kurt and Blaine totally doing it on Glee.

Okay, look. Say what you will about the show, love it or hate it, whatever. But the fact is, and you know this is true, that there were thousands of closeted gay teens in this country alone who saw that, and it gave them hope for their future.

What’s more, there’s a whole generation of kids watching this and learning that gay couples have sex just like straight couples, and it’s totally normal. Well, er ... I mean, they don't have sex exactly like straight couples ... I mean there's some differences in the mechanics ... oh, you know what I'm trying to say. And while this normalization will detonate plenty of conservative heads (God, please let Bill O’Reilly be one of them), we know it’s a good thing.

Sure, it should be me laying down on a bed with Darren Criss, rubbing noses and intertwining our legs, but just this once, Kurt can have him. Lord knows he’s earned it.

Okay, switching gears from my imaginary life (I seriously think I’m a student at McKinley High sometimes) to my real one, let me tell you guys about my most recent foray into the world of first dates.

But first, a brief flashback.

So I used to be really involved in modern dance.

Shut up! I was in college and it was a thing. SHUT UP!

Anyway, I really did enjoy it, especially because one of my professors was this really eccentric, hippie-dippie woman in her 40's named Demetria. She was tiny, bite-sized in fact, and skinny but totally ripped in that way that dancers can be.

I really loved her. She was super weird and always kind of … how do I put this?

Away.

You know what I mean? She’s there, but not all there. She kind of floats through our realm of being, while simultaneously undulating in technicolor in another dimension.

Yeah, she was one of those. But she was really awesome.