The Onion News Network has broadcast an insightful (and hilarious) report on Republican Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney and his apparently conflicted relationship with gay issues.

First, they go back to Romney's record as Governor of Massachusetts and dig up some of his previous public statements about gays and lesbians.

Then they diagnose Romney's current tolerance problem and even helpfully offer some suggestions on how the GOP Presidential candidate could overcome the problem and get back in the graces of bigoted voters.

Political Analyst Arnold Renfro: All the voters really want is a clear answer from the candidate himself. Does Romney really believe that homosexuals are creatures of sin doomed to spend eternity drowning in a lake of fire or not?

News Anchor Andrea Bennett: Exactly.

Renfro: You really have to look at the facts themselves. Mitt Romney was Governor of Massachusetts. Massachusetts allows gay marriage. Mitt Romney does not resign as Governor of Massachusetts.

Bennett: So Romney has a fundamental credibility problem when it comes to gays?

Renfro: Yes. Its going to be very difficult, but he needs to come out and explain from his own experience why he finds gays to be sub-human degenerates. The fact of the matter is he has never once come out and said that he's perpetrated a hate crime against a homosexual.

Bennett: No he hasn't. Now is there anything Romney can do to mend fences with all of these constituents that he's offended?

Renfro: Well, he can disown a gay relative. Maybe promote a bill that bans gay adoption.

Bennett: Hmm.

Renfro: He can call an opponent a faggot. He can call anybody a faggot. You know, that actually may be the only thing that's left to him.

Bennett: Now, isn't there a chance he could win back some of the support by making disparaging remarks about women or Mexicans?

Renfro: Well sure. A quick ethnic slur might actually shore up some of that bigot support, but he's relied so heavily on the bigot vote that I think at this point it's just too late for that.

Sure it's only satire, but this fake news report is also painfully accurate, and is it just me or would Renfro & Bennett be right at home over on FOX News? The entire Onion News Network video clip appears after the break. Enjoy!

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Ahhh, The Onion. Gotta love em — despite the fact that they've been basically retelling the same three jokes for over a decade now. But let's face it: they were including gay humor from the start (remember, "Why do all these homosexuals keep sucking my c***?") and we love them for it.

And, unlike most American comedians, The Onion has always made homophobes (or self-important gay folks) the butt of the joke, not gay people in general. Clearly, they have plenty of gay folks on staff. So I tip my hat in their direction for this week's, "Small Town Holds Annual Gay Shame Parade.

Though, in this case, I wonder if they even really need the article, which sort of beats the joke to death. The joke is all in the picture, which is admittedly quite funny. Kind of like that one joke in The Onion from a few years back: "Jenna Bush's Federally Protected Wetlands Opened for Drilling," and it shows a picture of her in a gown at a coming-out ball. No article neccesary; it would have spoiled the joke.